He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

Kick him out now! It's your house and your decision.

Be very careful OP, If you let him evict your mum, he'll try to evict your dcs next.

If he wants a say, then he can go and buy his own house, and then invite you to live with him.

What a vile piece of work this guy is . Get rid of him.You need to protect your Mum and the children .

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Major red flags. You need to note that he is very controlling and he wants your mum out of the way because it makes his life easier.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

Why would he have an equal say?!

This is awful. Please tell us you are going to ask him to leave asap, @Areyouhavingabubble2

What sort of decisions does he want to make?

why doesn’t he consider your mum to be a grown adult who has just as much, if not more, right to make joint decisions?

You sound very passive. You need to be a strong advocate for yourself and your kids, not be a doormat to facilitate having a boyfriend.
Put your kids first and remove this shitty man from their home, obviously.

YABU but only because you're trying to force your mum to live with this POS. He will not assimilate.

Throw him out. When your mum is no longer his target, he'll switch to you and / or your kids as the next problem.

Ditch the loser, protect all of your family from him.

I’m a bit torn here. I mean, he knew the score when he moved in and he sounds pretty mean, ungrateful and petulant. That said, I’m sure we’ve all committed to something in the past that we thought we could manage but it turned out so much harder than we envisaged.

I’m not sure there are all that many men that would accept this situation long term and certainly if the roles were reversed there would be more sympathy for the woman.

I think you need to understand and validate his feelings (often it’s a source of conflict in couples where each thinks their parent can do no wrong while their in-laws can do no right) but make it clear that you made it clear it was non negotiable.

What a horrible bully.

What’s he like with your children?

He needs to move out. Yesterday. He sounds vile. It was her home before it was his!

He sounds like a twat but separate does your mum want to move out? Looking after 3 kids could be a bit much?

OP, are you reading these responses?
How can you even contemplate making your mother leave?
This man is a bully. You are allowing him to mistreat and old lady and you should be ashamed.

Nah.

Personally, I wouldn't want to live with my in law.

So, I wouldn't move in to a house my in law lived in. It's as simple as that. He cannot bring himself in to a situation and then demand change.

Surely he spent time in the house around you all before hand, so was aware of the dynamic?

How long have you been together? Where was he living before?

He’s the one who wants kicking out.

YABU expecting your children and your mother to live with this fine specimen. Your house was running perfectly before he came and will after he leaves

actually yabu to let the living situation to stay as it is.
he needs to go

Difficult one, as if 'his' mum were living with you, you'd be getting posts saying he needs to grow up, this is not what you signed up for, and that he's a mummy's boy... and then that she needs to be put in a home or something.

Why not simply have a sit down with both, get a list from each about how things are done, and then an agreed upon way they should be done by BOTH of them... that way there's no conflict.

Simple decisions like who comes to the house. She is very sociable and has a lot of friends visit. They stay out of the way in ‘her’ sitting room. He think we should limit the friends coming over as he doesn’t want to come home from a hard day at the office and not be able to relax fully as someone else is there. I can understand this to some extent but they aren’t in the way.

Tell him to leave today

Wait, so it’s your home, with your kids, and you are allowing your mother to be bullied by some man that contributes nothing? If he’s doing that to your own mum, what’s he doing to the kids? He sounds like a vile human. Get rid TODAY. Please put your own family and mother ahead of some random cocklodger.

He sounds awful. Get rid.

Where does he expect your elderly mother to go to

Did he actually give you a physical bouquet of red flags when he moved in? Because he might as well have done.

All of it is awful.

You know what… I wouldn’t want to live with my in-laws either! So I would never move into a house with them by choice.

He knew the situation and spent a lot of time at the house with everyone and even told me how lovely it was. He changed once he moved in. Suddenly wanted everything his way and was really not flexible on the fact that it’s now a large household with lots of people living there permanently compared to just him before. It’s a lifestyle change, I know that. However I also know that it didn’t come as a surprise as he knew we were all living there in this way.

I question why he moved in too.

Yes it's time he left. With immediate effect.

He knew the situation. It is not his house. He is not paying mortgage or rent I suspect. Once he's edged your poor mother out he will start on your kids with something he dislikes about them/their attitude.

No thanks.