To think 40 is a bit late to do much with your life if you’re starting from scratch?

[Flashynewpens]

Due to poor decisions I find myself at 40 in a dead end, low paid, low qualified job which has no progression.
I had some time out of the workplace with my children and I have a big gap between them. So as I was thinking about going back I unexpectedly got pregnant again and then stupidly stayed home another three years.

I know people will say about retraining but as a single mum working more or less full time this isn’t feasible and anyway - I’d still be up against people half my age.

I am struggling because I probably have another 30 working years but I am never going to advance any further than where I am now. It’s not helped by being stupid academically, unattractive and having very little experience in anything beyond entry level minimum wage.

AIBU to think basically my poor choices and lack of ability and age render me stuck where I am? Another 30 years where I’m not valued in terms of who I am or in terms of pay?
If I had my time over I’d not give up work to have children but I cannot change it now. I have started to withdraw from my friends because I am aware of how inferior I am to them. Why would they possibly be interested in me?

@MaisyAndTallulah absolutely right! OP would a career in health be of any interest? You don’t need experience to apply for a job as a carer (they provide the training) and there’s progression from there. You can find yourself becoming a care manager down the line or some other admin role!

If long/night shifts are too tricky with the kids have a look at community care. I did a lot of it while at uni and you basically get given a list of patients to see during the day and you use your own car to do so. You obviously get reimbursed for petrol. You can choose your own hours with some companies so you’re basically making up your own days.

Based on OP’s language she is more than capable of further study. She just lost all her confidence.

I don't doubt that she's capable but she isn't confident so doing it alone at home could be daunting. A more supportive environment would be so good.

What kind of work do you do now OP? Is there any scope to advance in it with a different employer?

It's very daunting, and if you've lost confidence and feeling the way you do I understand it seems impossible.

A few steps can help you feel more fulfilled, like looking for another entry level job with progression or training offered that would allow you to move again in a couple of years and progress that way.

It gets banded around so much on MN but the civil service is a good option, EO grade is around £20k and most departments have good training and development offers. There's a huge diversity of jobs too and usually scope to move around.

I think this is a question of self-esteem and confidence more than anything. At some point in your history, you have assimilated that you are "academically stupid", which is a toxic belief, and something you'd need to turn on its head before embarking on anything new. It's clear from your post that your communication skills are excellent for a start - I have worked with graduates from Masters who cannot punctuate a sentence properly! I just did a quick Google and came across this place - maybe this is a good place to start? : https://smartworks.org.uk/

Another link - a recruiter it seems: https://renovo.co.uk/supporting-women-return-to-work/

Don't be so hard on yourself. As women, we're disadvantaged to men in the sense that we have a limited time to have our children. Most of the caring responsibilities also fall on us and then we're also supposed to carve out a high flying career for us before age 40. That's a lot of pressure!

You have value to your family, friends and society, no matter what your job is.

After you've passed away, nobody will care whether you were a CEO, chartered account or a cleaner. All that matters will be the memories you've given your children and how you treated people.

I'm almost 37, with 3 small children. I'm also looking to retrain in the future. We're not too old! xx

Not at all, I changed careers at 48, went to evening school to do an entry level qualification and then did a Masters Degree to cement my career and prove to future employers I was serious. It was really hard work and time consuming, I won;t pretend otherwise. However, due to ill health and not being able to drive at the moment, I am now considering a third career change and how I can approach that.

It is definitely not too late OP, society has changed, life expectancy is longer and it is quite normal & common to have multiple careers over ones' lifetime, each lasting 10-20 years. I would say more than half of my female friends are doing different things now compared to their careers in their 20s.

I am 41 and about to start a Masters degree in a STEM subject, completely unrelated to anything I have done / studied before. Aiming to be working in the field by 43.

Just make sure that you pick a field where is there demand and the pay is good. Good luck!

You need to value yourself 100% more. Stop judging yourself so harshly, get out and talk to people, get shifts doing catering work in your local sporting arena, hotel whatever. Find something casual that takes on extra staff for shift work on a casual basis, so u can sign up for shifts around your free time.

Your maturity and life experience are valuable.

Hi, can I ask what accounting qualification you studied please? I'm 32 and am interested in gaining a qualification that gives me a skill like accounting. I did Aat levels 2 & 3 in my late teens, but didn't do anything with it & now have forgotten most of it

Hi yes I got my AAT all levels, and then to be honest only done a few of the CIMA exams but really excelled work wise to a point I was happy with, so kind of didn't continue with the CIMA. Fully AAT qualified opens a lot of doors, maybe go and revisit one of the years, you don't need to start at the bottom of it especially if you've already preciously done it.

@OhGoOnThen0 how challenging are the AAT levels? I'm eyeing them up.

I'm sure it feels very daunting, but 40 is definately not too old. State retirement age is 67, you've got a lot of working life ahead of you. After 7 years as a stay at home mum at 36 I found myself as a single mum. I went back into the workplace, only on a part time basis around my young children's schooling, but began sitting professional exams to further myself. I hated being reliant on tax credits and maintenance and my goal was to be off of tax credits before my children left education. Once my children reached high school age I upped my hours and worked full time. In my late 40s now and I am now a director of a professional business. Its been a slog at times studying, (There have been resist on occasions too, not all plain sailing) and stresses of running a business, but it was so worth it to further myself and be more financially secure. It takes time to progress and make changes, so just take small achieveable steps. You do also sound in a low mood, so I would speak to your doctor too.
Think about your strengths and what you can realistically achieve. Work on your mindset to better yourself and be positive.

I spoke to someone like you, except she was older, early 50s. In a minimum wage job in a supermarket. She had found out about an employment scheme which helped people employed in jobs but wanting to do something else, to make that change.

So they had paid for her to study for debt management qualifications and she was planning to become a debt advisor. She has a mentor to encourage her too and help her apply for jobs when she was qualified.

Contact the employment/ into work team at your local council and see what employment support projects are around. These projects are all funded for about three years, and then changed to different projects, so even if there is nothing for you now, there might be one in the future, so check back with them every year!

Do you have a community college nearby? These can be a great source of re-education in all sorts of things. Many of the courses are free too. It's worth having a look at just to see what's available

@BlastedPimples

There are absolutely people who retrain in their 50s and beyond, but the majority of people do not
I personally would not do a career change at that stage in my life as you are starting at the bottom again

I (sadly) really enjoyed them and didn't find them challenging. The challenge for me was finding the time around 2 children. CIMA however I found way more challenging.

OP, further to my last post, if you want to ask me any questions about employment programmes generally, feel free to pm me.

There are bursaries available to help single parents to access higher education.

Some people end up in their well paid jobs because they believe in themselves and therefore others do too. It sounds cheesy but so true at my workplace - they will have unrelated qualifications but they talk a lot of jargon that I can't do and that's how they get where they are.

You are making the decision on behalf of potential employers that you're not experienced or qualified enough. Where I am in the country the person spec for jobs is more of a wish list and they're actually recruiting people with much less experience and qualifications than the ad. I'm in the north west.

Also I've no idea what financial help there is but I know several single mums in their 30s/40s who are now at uni. I can only assume that they are receiving enough help to be able to do that which makes me a bit envious as I'm desperate to go to uni and train as a mental health nurse but we would get no help if I gave up my income.

No OP I did a podiatry degree in my 40s and I'm now in my 60s and have earned loads of money with a combination of NHS and private and have a decent pension to boot. It's never too late. Do what you love and start now.

Yanbu. The time will pass anyway whether you do self development or not during that time. 30 more years till you can retire probably!

You should see a careers coach

“Don’t start again you be at the bottom” she IS at the bottom in a job anyone can walk into. If she had gone to uni started work at 21 not counting any time on ML or the years at home. The max she could have worked at 40 would have been 19years “career building”.

the current level she is looking for to retire is 67 so 27 years at the min left to work come what may. Possible a lot more since she has no pension yet. Even if she was top in one job and was starting at the bottom she would still over take her position. Since she’s on mim wage low level job the only way is up.