To think 40 is a bit late to do much with your life if you’re starting from scratch?

[Flashynewpens]

Due to poor decisions I find myself at 40 in a dead end, low paid, low qualified job which has no progression.
I had some time out of the workplace with my children and I have a big gap between them. So as I was thinking about going back I unexpectedly got pregnant again and then stupidly stayed home another three years.

I know people will say about retraining but as a single mum working more or less full time this isn’t feasible and anyway - I’d still be up against people half my age.

I am struggling because I probably have another 30 working years but I am never going to advance any further than where I am now. It’s not helped by being stupid academically, unattractive and having very little experience in anything beyond entry level minimum wage.

AIBU to think basically my poor choices and lack of ability and age render me stuck where I am? Another 30 years where I’m not valued in terms of who I am or in terms of pay?
If I had my time over I’d not give up work to have children but I cannot change it now. I have started to withdraw from my friends because I am aware of how inferior I am to them. Why would they possibly be interested in me?

YABU You are not halfway through your working years. What are you interested in? What experience/qualifications do you have? Do you need to improve your skills? Lots of free online courses out there. Can you do a similar job for a short while at another organisation where there are then opportunities for progression? Could you build up a second job in the evenings? It's the start of a new year a great time to plan! Might be difficult but you'll have a good go if you are sufficiently dissatisfied with your circumstances.

Your self pity is going to hold you back far more than your age.

I wouldn't assume a higher paid job is more stressful. There was a thread on here a few weeks back about people in high paid stress free jobs and there were plenty of people in that situation, and I am one of them. I think it is often more about the company that you work for than the job you do in some cases.

Back to the original post, I think go for it. If you can find something that you can study for part time around your children then give it a go.

I did a master's degree in a totally different field to my BA and it paid for itself in just a year and a half, so it isn't too late and it doesn't take forever to change your trajectory.

My new salary wasn't exactly mega-bucks, but it felt like it compared to years on minimum wage in a job I disliked. I graduated 8 years ago and have progressed internally twice, around taking 2 mat leaves, and now earn double what I was before I took the plunge (sadly still not mega-bucks).

I think by the age of 50 or 60 you will look back and 100% regret having such a defeatist attitude now. In 10+ years you'll still be 50, either progressing in something that gives you satisfaction or still stuck plodding along... Why not aim for something more so that you at least some some years of satisfaction out of your professional life? It's never ever too late to start afresh. Find your passion and go for it.... Don't let your self doubt hold you back. Believe in yourself, and your future. Life is only what you make it...

You have so much time ahead of you. So young.

Think what you really like. What you really want to do.

And go for it.

Also having a super job doesn't make you more interesting to talk to at all.

Nonsense

Good God of course you are not too old

40 or 43yrs age is still reality youngish,

You can seek good career advice

There is also second chance/ opportunities courses for people who want the opportunities the possibilities,

such as studying partime or full-time, on Accesss to higher education courses such as Accesss to Humanties ect,

Access to Art

Access to science and maths

There might be something else Access to another subject

Its advisable to do the Pre -Access course as a foundation course to prepare you for doing the other Access courses,

You get to study various different modules and do
so many different credits and presentation over 1 or 2yrrs
No exams
Just continuing assessed on your credits if you pass,enough credits you can have the choice of going onto university if so wish want to take it to that level

Access courses cover a susprisely range of subjects in each particular Access courses options

such as for Humanties Access can cover Law microbiology philosophy English literature and sociology psychology

It's pretty intense full on Access courses, but it's worth it and course you can do either full-time or part-time it's flexible like that,

Obviously part time Access course is a longer duration course as it
as it takes 2 ys

the full time Access course is 1 yr

My mind maybe a bit rusty on accuracy

It isn’t just the pay - it’s the fact that if you are a single mum with no recent or valid qualifications and you are older and you aren’t attractive - you are invisible.
I am invisible in every sphere of my life now.

I don’t know what I’d like to do. I suppose I’ve given up. I can’t afford to retrain.
I am happy to work hard and the job I have now is hard work but it also has no room for progression.

I agree that some of the lowest paid jobs are important - care / TA etc but people in higher status jobs generally see us as a different breed to themselves.

And of course I am lucky to have two children, goes without saying. However if I had my time again I’d have gone back to work because I don’t think it would have negatively impacted my children but now it is because they are in a low income household.

Op you sound a little depressed to me, withdrawing from your friends isn't a good sign. Of course you are a valued member of society. Jobs don't define us. My own Mum never worked while we were young and had low paid part time jobs as we got older. When she died the crematorium was full with people. They didn't give a shit what her jobs had been. I valued her very very much.

40 is still young, you have years ahead of you. When I went to university at 20 there were people on my course in their 50s.

it's never to late to make changes, maybe start by working on yourself a little first. You need to value yourself.

Hâte to tell you this OP but we’ll be working a fucking long time after age 40! Possibly another 30 years! Maybe more!

defo not too late - you’re less than 1/2 way through your working life.

Sorry!

No, it’s no age. Go for it.

You don’t need to be a high flyer as long as you can pay the bills. As long as you are working and enjoying the job and it brings you enough to get by, it doesn’t matter where in the hierarchy you are. Society conditions us to always be ‘better’. You can’t turn back the clock and make better decisions about your career but you can encourage your kids (especially if they are girls) not to repeat your mistakes and demonstrate to them what a hard grafter mum is now to make up for lost time.

I've gone back to college at 40 because I had children young, I'm in my second year and there is a handful of us all the same. You are not too old, push yourself and do something for you. I promise that you won't be the only one, nor will you regret it.

@Clicheinaqashqai what did you do?

OP, your hopelessness sounds to me as though it might be depression. Worth checking, maybe. Because you aren’t worth nothing, you have plenty of options, there’s no reason why other people would find you uninteresting.

Gosh no 40 isn’t too old at all

I follow Debbie Wosskow OBE - she was in a dead end job and single mother until 43 - then changed her entire life to become an incredible entrepreneur

she always posts about how her career and life stsrted in her mid 40s

I always encourage my dd to either not have children or to definitely make sure she is well established in a career path and go back asap if she does.
I’ll be working until I die as I have basically no pension!

I don’t know - I always felt I’d do something and there was time. I think I’ve just suddenly realised there isn’t very much time and that I’m middle aged and not very well off and basically completely worthless in society. It’s just a bit shit.

Well yes, but I mean on a bigger scale and the impact on wider society. If we had no one doing minimum wage jobs, the result would immediately be felt by everyone in society.

If we didn’t have certain corporate jobs, it would have a negative impact in time, but it wouldn’t be immediately noticed by most of society.

Jennifer Coolidge didn’t really come to prominence till she was in her 40s and now look at her!

Not really. Guy at Biffa I used to work with had been a binman since school and got his truck license in his early 40s. Instantly jumped to over £40k. Then did an ADR (dangerous materials) course for a few hundred quid and got a job with Hoyer on the fuel tankers a fortnight later. £23k to £65k in under a year and he's not the sharpest tool in the box if I'm honest.

Plenty of time to work!
Think about what you'd like to do.
Find out what qualifications, skills and experience you need for entry to the profession and then make a plan.
Good luck OP

I'm older than you and don't consider myself middle aged for starters!

Look at it this way, we have a massive shortage of workers in almost every field. The world is your oyster.

You are never too old to start over, and if you really want to do that you will make it work.

However, I find the fact that you are withdrawing from your friends because you feel inferior to be very sad. No person is inferior to any other, no matter what their job or position in society. I worked in a place top heavy with managers. If the whole lot had taken six months off the customers wouldn't have even noticed, but if the people working on the shop floor or the cleaner had taken a week off it would have been noticed, and the place would fall apart. No-one should be defined by their job.

You have choices.

Are you on min wage atm?
If so then look into Apprenticeships that might appeal to you or see what’s out there. You’re just looking at this stage.
use this to begun with.
https://www.apprenticeships.gov.uk/apprentices/browse-apprenticeships#

You could study part time and if you don’t have quals already then some of these are free/funded.

Right now it sounds like you are stuck in a rut. And you do have options. It’s just figuring out which way. Maybe start with something you think you might like?

You are valuable and deserving. Don’t give up. You are still young.

No - I agree. But unfortunately that is how society works.
Some of us are less important than others and more easily replaced.
Those higher jobs - the people aren’t as easy to replace.
My job - I could be replaced by anyone off the street with zero training.