To think 40 is a bit late to do much with your life if you’re starting from scratch?

[Flashynewpens]

Due to poor decisions I find myself at 40 in a dead end, low paid, low qualified job which has no progression.
I had some time out of the workplace with my children and I have a big gap between them. So as I was thinking about going back I unexpectedly got pregnant again and then stupidly stayed home another three years.

I know people will say about retraining but as a single mum working more or less full time this isn’t feasible and anyway - I’d still be up against people half my age.

I am struggling because I probably have another 30 working years but I am never going to advance any further than where I am now. It’s not helped by being stupid academically, unattractive and having very little experience in anything beyond entry level minimum wage.

AIBU to think basically my poor choices and lack of ability and age render me stuck where I am? Another 30 years where I’m not valued in terms of who I am or in terms of pay?
If I had my time over I’d not give up work to have children but I cannot change it now. I have started to withdraw from my friends because I am aware of how inferior I am to them. Why would they possibly be interested in me?

40 is not too late at all!!!! If you’re thinking about this now chances are you still will be in 3 months, 3 years etc etc. don’t let this put you off doing whatever you want - you’ll thank yourself for giving it a go

Nothing to add, but I am in the same boat (albeit no kids).

You read as articulate and a good communicator, which is a skill and one I dont see a lot of. Start today is the only advice I can give, I wish had 10 yrs ago when I was 40. Pick something realistic and go for it, there are lots of things where being a bit older, with some life experience, is an advantage. Ask on here for some career advice based on what experience and education you do have. If you look on linked its quite amazing what changes people have made in their careers in just 5yrs, let alone 10. Its hard work, that's for sure, but if nothing changes, nothing changes.

It's not too late. People reinvent themselves all the time. I know someone who became an international film star aged 60. Several people who publish their first book, becoming a bestseller, in their 50s and 60s. People can retrain in an entirely different career at any stage of life. If you have the ability and - crucially - if there is a demand for your new skills, then you'll be fine.

What are your skills? What do you enjoy doing? Your children will not be small forever.

I'm 43. Around 7 year ago I put myself through accounts qualifications and moved around a few jobs gaining more and more experience. I'm now in a well paid role, and 7 years ago I was on min wage with no qualifications. I done the studies at home around my children being in bed etc. Totally paid off now and on close to £50k. It can be done if you put the time and effort in.

Do you really think a higher paid, higher stress, likely still fairly unappreciated and monotonous job would actually make you feel fulfilled, more so than having your kids?
Focus on what you have. Make changes if you want, but stopping seeing your friends and fixating on a job isn't logical.

I think it’s hard to appreciate how soul destroying it is to be worth so little to society.

I’ve backed away from my friends because what could I possibly have to say that would be of any interest to them?

People who work low paid jobs are not ‘worth so little’ to society. They do some of the most important jobs there are.

What do you actually do for work?

Who is telling you that you are worth so little? Tell them to fuck themselves.
You don't need to be in a good job to be worth something, or even work at all.

I am unable to work, but my friends and family value me, and they care what I have to say too.

The best time to start was yesterday. The next best time is today.

What have you got to lose OP?

If you need inspiration Google people who have had success later in life after either just grafting away for years or from starting something completely new in middle life or even later life. I'm not saying it will be easy or all just magically fall into place starting from scratch, but in a way no harder than starting from scratch all those years ago as what you may lack in time due to having other responsibilities you'll make up for in wisdom life experience and focus. People often say if you want something doing, ask a busy woman. And if you think of it like this: 30 more years of work is a long time. More than enough time to find your passion or interest, and work to the necessary skills and qualifications. But definitely too long to spend it doing something dead end that doesn't inspire you.

I wish I had done more at 40, you have ten years plus to do something special.

You have 2 kids, that makes you the luckiest human alive to me!!
Sat in bed bawling my eyes out desperate for a baby that will never come, due to finances, relationships and mental health issues.

Join a big company in a junior sales role. Companies are crying out for them and you can do really well financially.

however you’ve got to really want it. Our staff work from home most of the time but they are absolutely hammering the hours

Erm, my mum was a single mum at 43, out of work for 9 years, big gap between bro and I. From her dead-end, low paid and time-limited job, she built a business for herself that she still loves to do now, 25 years later, and put a roof over our heads while she did so.

You’re not inferior, it just sounds like you’re in a rough spot, feeling a bit depressed and hopeless about the future because you don’t see how it can ever change. But it can, if you believe that you can make it change. Either work out what that new future could look like and take baby steps towards it, or refocus on other things that can make you feel fulfilled outside of work, like your family, friends, hobbies etc.

It’s really, really tough and I hope you have people you can talk to and get strength from while you do this ❤️

I was in my 40s when i did my degree . Changed careers worked abroad made differemt friends. Changed my life

Loads of people START their new careers at 40 and beyond. It's nothing new at all. I've lost count of the number of 40 - 50+ year olds I've known who trained to be midwives, nurses, teachers, OTs, SLTs, counsellors, artists, opened own businesses and so on and so forth.

I'm nearly 40 and my biggest heartache is not having kids. Please don't feel like you are worthless because you have prioritised them, so many of us would love to be in your shoes and you are absolutely important to society and of course to your children. Trust me, loads of people (especially other women) treat women who aren't mothers as if we have no worth. The grass isn't greener no matter where you're standing.

Go after your dreams, there's still plenty of time to do all the career things you
aspire to.

I'm hoping to go back to uni pt as a working mum of 3 at the age of 43; wondering if I'm nuts but doing it anyway!!! 😀

Minimum wage jobs are some of the most important in society. Most people rely on people doing those jobs every day. If I stopped doing my higher paid office job tomorrow, it really wouldn’t impact anyone.

It's never too late. I've got ten years on you, and am retraining for a new career.

I went back to uni (as an apprentice) at 40. It’s a 2 year pgdip and I’ll be a chartered manager at the end. I regularly ask myself wtf was I thinking with 3dc and a stressful job but I know I’ll be glad to have done it by the end. Maybe ask me in 10 months when it’s finished.

I do wish I could think of a business idea and dh and I run our own company but I think I’m too lazy.

As you've said, you might have another 30 years work ahead of you - plenty of time to retrain!

Following

It would impact you or you'd be the nmw job?

I’m 49 and have just started a nursing degree. You’re never too old.