Children at wedding

[shrinkingbee]

We are having a wedding this year, child free, apart from our children.

We have many family and friends with young children who are sorting childcare which I understand is inconvenient but all are happy to do so.

We have one friend & wife, who are due a baby 2 weeks before the wedding. On their reply (addressed to both adults, and clearly specifying no children) they advised they'd be attending, leaving their older child at home but bringing their newborn with them as they will only be approx 14 days old.

AIBU in thinking no children means no children/babies/toddlers/teenagers?
Am I a complete cow for thinking we shouldn't be making exceptions for one couple?

Usually child free weddings do allow babes in arms so I can understand why they would think it is ok to bring the baby

It’s your wedding and you can do what you like, and a blanket policy makes sense, but don’t be offended if they can’t come.

I wouldn't leave my newborn baby for a wedding. YABU.

I don't think other guests will resent a newborn being there if that's what you're worried about.

If you don't want the baby there, you need to tell them.

It’s quite common to allow babes in arms at a child free wedding so I think they are assuming this is the case. If you really don’t want them to bring baby along then tell them but I would expect that they wouldn’t attend.

Well it's not like they will be leaving a newborn baby with a sitter so then I suppose you have to tell them you don't want them there.

It’s going to be difficult for them to leave a newborn and I can understand them not wanting to, but I’d remain firm on not having it there and just say it’s a shame they won’t be able to attend and you’d love to meet up shortly afterwards. Whatever people say, newborns can be disruptive and parents often slow to remove them, thinking that trying some jiggling and shushing first will do.

No children doesn’t normally cover newborns at a wedding, did you really expect them to leave such a young baby? Would it really be a problem them bringing the baby, I think you are going to come across as petty saying no, but it is your wedding so up to you but depends how much their friendship means to you.

The baby will only need a space for the pram (possibly)

It won't need feeding, it won't skid across the dance floor. It won't drink the bar dry, get drunk or embarrass the B&G

Hopefully they're not the sort of people that would let it disturb the ceremony or the speeches.

How important are the parents to you?

It’s pretty normal for babes in arms not to count when weddings are child free because they don’t need to be provided with anything like a meal or table space.

The friend won’t be able to leave a two week old baby especially if breastfeeding, so it seems a bit shitty to disinvite someone because they have a baby.

You expect them to leave a 2 week old with a sitter?

that is horrible. Monstrous even.

Who else would look after the baby, especially if she is bf, if they have any sense they won't attend.

They should definitely ask- not send just send you an advisory on what they are doing. Reply back and just say sorry that it’s no children, you understand they can’t manage that and you’ll enjoy catching up with them later.

problem is everyone has a reason why the rule shouldn’t apply to them and then it pisses of everybody else who follows the rules

Would you rather they declined on the basis they won’t leave their newborn? If so you need to tell them.

but all are happy to do so
I very much doubt this.

Who on earth do you think they are going to leave a 2 week old baby with?

I would expect the couple to decline the invitation as it's so soon after birth. I'm with you babies are still children. I had a no children and that included babies as if they came my gran couldn't have. She had a brain tumour and the noise of babies or children made her physically ill. However everyone knew that and reason why the wedding was planned as such. We didn't have loud music neither. It was the last time I saw her alive sadly but it was lovely having her there.

I find child free weddings so wrong on many levels, but insisting that a baby 14 days old is either left with a sitter or they don't come is heartless

Maybe she was expecting them to decline the invitation like any reasonable couple would do.

If her dye date is two weeks before the wedding id presume they won't be there, with or without baby. She could still be in hospital!!

However presuming they wouldn't bring the baby is a bit silly, especially if you have children and know they can't be left at that age?

Did you expect them to leave a 14 day old baby with a sitter?

In my experience small babies are the exception in otherwise child free weddings. Sounds like they really want to be at your wedding and are doing their best to get there (leaving their older child at home) but if you'd rather they don't come at all, then tell them that I guess.

Good Lord, YABU, (and yes a complete cow since you asked) !!! Childfree almost always has an exception for babes in arms. Obviously if the baby is 14 days old they can’t be left at home. So you either uninvite your friend or you adopt the usual and reasonable policy of childfree excluding babes in arms.

I think no children includes babies, otherwise you risk upsetting the parents who didn't bring their baby. What do you class as the cut off for being a babe in arms.

Well who do you suppose they'd leave the newborn with! Baby could even be only a couple days old.

I guess the question is how much you want them there. If you're not fussed then say no babies either. If you want them to be there then you'll go with the babies in arm exception. As a guest I'd expect no kids to also mean no babies. Since they didn't really ask I assume they've been to events where babies has been the exception.