Children at wedding

[shrinkingbee]

We are having a wedding this year, child free, apart from our children.

We have many family and friends with young children who are sorting childcare which I understand is inconvenient but all are happy to do so.

We have one friend & wife, who are due a baby 2 weeks before the wedding. On their reply (addressed to both adults, and clearly specifying no children) they advised they'd be attending, leaving their older child at home but bringing their newborn with them as they will only be approx 14 days old.

AIBU in thinking no children means no children/babies/toddlers/teenagers?
Am I a complete cow for thinking we shouldn't be making exceptions for one couple?

We had a child free wedding bar family. We had two guests ask if they could bring their little babies and we agreed then extended the invite to another couple we knew with a little one. All three came and all the babies were fine. Parents will generally remove them if they cry as they don't want to disturb your day but would like to be part of it.

It worked for us but it's completely your decision and what you would like on your day. For what it's worth we were child free when we married but now have a baby. We would whisk her away if she fussed.

I am generally of the opinion that your wedding your rules. I am also generally a fan of no children at weddings (never took ours to weddings), however 2 week old babies definitely do not count as a child at a wedding, you really can't expect the parents to leave their new baby with someone else for the duration of a wedding.

I don’t think other parents will be annnoyed, most will understand a newborn attending. I assume your children will be there too, given you’re writing about what you would have done with a small baby on receiving an invitation like this.

I wonder if they presumed you knew they'd have a 2 week old baby and therefore the baby would be coming as otherwise you wouldn't have invited them.
At least baby doesn't need you to buy it a meal.
DH and I went to an outwardly very child friendly wedding with our 11 month old, having selected 2 adult and 1 child meals when asked, and there was no food for him! When I asked the catering staff where his food was I was told no food for under 2s. Apparently they don't need to eat! He survived on emergency changing bag snacks and our food, and portions were the usual tiny offerings so we were all hungry. Yet B&G said they were thrilled he was there, along with the other 10 or so children, and were only too keen to give him a cuddle. Most bizarre.

Have you forgot what it's like having a new born 🥴

It is usual for babes in arms to attend weddings even if the events are 'child free'.

So you're having a "child free" wedding apart from your own children ... similar to my work colleague then who had "child free" apart from all family children
on both sides

either have all children or no children - no confusion then

This is what I did for second wedding

Only family children

Tbh most of my friends dont want to bring their kids. They want a night off and relax enjoy chill

Tbh most of my friends dont want to bring their kids. They want a night off and relax enjoy chill

They don’t have to bring their kids if they’re invited.

Well they can hardly leave a newborn with a sitter! So I assume you were expecting them to not come? Or what - for him to come alone, leaving his wife with a newborn and the older child? That would hardly be fair - at least at the wedding it would be the two of them with one baby, rather than the wife left alone, two weeks pp (if that) with baby and an older child.

They may well pull out nearer the time though as babies are often late, more work / less sleep than the couple remembers from the first time etc

Not everyone wants to invite kids. It’s up to the hosts, not the parents. The parents can decide to either arrange childcare, or decline the invitation.

Your wedding do what you want but you are having children they may be your own but still children

So I don't really get your point

I have no issues with child free weddings in general though, I would have asked our parents to look after our baby if a local wedding no problems but not everyone would, so if I was the couple I would decline if I didn't want to leave my baby

I wouldn't take a baby to a child free wedding it is rude

But there are children going so it's not child free in this case

No, they don’t have to invite them. But don’t pretend it’s some sort of gift you’re bequeathing on your guests by omitting them. It’s your preference. Not a favour to anyone.

I understand where you’re coming from
about them just saying they will bring the baby, but anyone who wants someone to leave a 2 week old at home for a wedding is a dick and I would wonder why you invited me in the first place and would assume i’m not welcome, therefore I would assume my baby is coming.

@LetMeOut2021 if I had invited friends children then would be half the number or guests allowed due to numbers

and that’s your choice, but it wasn’t something you did to do your friends a favour.

Pretty sure OP said up thread that they didn't realise she was due a baby 2 weeks before the wedding so she didn't invite them expecting them to leave a 2 week old baby, or invite them expecting them to decline.

Op I'd reply 'oh yes of course the baby is welcome I didn't realise your due date was so close to the wedding, hope you make it'

Because it is possible she could go over her date or still be recovering from the birth.

Cut off when's a baby no longer a baby I'd say under 9mths if I was trying to have a cut off. That's when lots of babies are in nursery and few are still BF at that point or at least if they are it's not going to be as much as a 6mth old.

This. I'm still part of my school friendship group of about 20 and the majority have been married over recent years. Every single wedding has been child free except for the couple's own and not once has there been a baby there. Anyone who felt uncomfortable leaving babies at home sent their apologies and wished the couple well.

Wedding politics aside, hats off to the new parents who feel able to put themselves together enough to attend a wedding. I could barely fit in a shower in the early days never mind attend a wedding! I'd love to know their secret for next time round 🤣

Really if you are insisting on someone not bringing a new baby then you should expect them to either not attend at all or for the mother not to come.

The only way it could possibly be done perhaps, as I did when DD2 was 3 months old, was that we were staying at the venue, my DM was upstairs in a hotel room with her and I went up to feed her- she would also take a bottle though so DM could help. My DF looked after DD1 with my aunty, at my aunty's house. Still, someone might not be able to do that with a younger baby or the venue logistics may not work like that.

That’s exactly what she is expecting though. Either both parents go sans children, one parent goes, or they decline the invite. It’s up to them, OP isn’t forcing them to do anything.

@notlucreziaborgia you've hit the nail on the head there.

The only reason we aren't inviting all children is we'd have another 68 guests, so would turn into more a child's party than a wedding.

It is a tough situation and I never thought I'd be called a monster, I just wondered the general etiquette behind guests bringing babies to a child free wedding.

For anyone interested, my partner and I have said it's fine to bring baby as we would love to have them celebrate with us, although there is no pressure if they aren't able to come, as we remember just how hard those first few weeks are.

In my opinion, if you are at an age and have a friendship group where there's not of children, you just need to choose a venue and make arrangements for the children rather than excluding them eg one wedding I went to a few years ago had a kids buffet, activities, chill out area (with mats and throws) showing Disney films and 2 trained nannies supervising the under 12's. This obviously isn't something everyone can afford but I'm a big believer in choosing an affordable venue rather than cutting the guest list.

I'm getting married this year and children are very welcome, admittedly there's not many, and dsd's carer will be there 1:1

Child free wedding means just that.
Child free.
If they don't have childcare or can't leave them, then they don't come.
You'd think it'd be obvious but sadly not to some

You expect them to leave a 2 week old with a sitter?

that is horrible. Monstrous even.

Monstrous 😂
Are you usually so hyperbolic?!