Children at wedding

[shrinkingbee]

We are having a wedding this year, child free, apart from our children.

We have many family and friends with young children who are sorting childcare which I understand is inconvenient but all are happy to do so.

We have one friend & wife, who are due a baby 2 weeks before the wedding. On their reply (addressed to both adults, and clearly specifying no children) they advised they'd be attending, leaving their older child at home but bringing their newborn with them as they will only be approx 14 days old.

AIBU in thinking no children means no children/babies/toddlers/teenagers?
Am I a complete cow for thinking we shouldn't be making exceptions for one couple?

Yes, that's what always annoys me, as if it's a great child free opportunity and they're doing you a favour!

Child-free weddings normally just mean that the couple don't want children running around/ don't want to have to cater for and entertain children.

A 2 week old baby doesn't really fall into that category because it is basically just attached to its parents and will sleep/ feed and that's about all.

Obviously, if they have a 2 week old baby, they won't be able to attend if the baby can't attend. You can't leave a baby that young with someone else.

It's not that outlandish of them to assume babes in arms are OK because what else are they supposed to do? If you knew they had a baby due and you invited them anyway, they probably assumed this was OK.

A 2 week old baby doesn't really fall into that category because it is basically just attached to its parents and will sleep/ feed and that's about all
Of course it does - no children at weddings means just that!

@shrinkingbee good move to welcome the baby. I do get not inviting older kids. More than a handful becomes a riot.
However I'd probably say to any other mums with a baby under 6 mths they are welcome if it is easier.

Every mum is different, every baby is different along with circumstances.
I had my pfb 8 week old baby at a wedding and a friend of the brides every breezing said "I've left my 1 week old with my mum - haha second baby!"
So not all mums would want to bring their baby but some might feel stuck.

My second born was 5mths when I left them for a wedding. I'd been expressing like mad for weeks. He'd hardly a drop of milk or water all flipping day didn't cry just wouldn't touch anything. And my mum tried everything and was loathed to spoil our day by saying there was an issue.

Monstrous 😂

Vile is so last season.

Newborn baby should be able to come to the wedding for sure. Can't leave a tiny baby with a stranger and baby won't cause any trouble like a toddler/older child

I wouldn't allow a baby at a no kids wedding.
The couple would either have to find a sitter or not attend themselves.

YABU to expect them to leave such a young baby. I wouldn’t dream of doing that.

Just message them saying no children, they’ll likely decline the invite though.

I find it incredibly weird that the OP has her own kids and she still has to ask this question. I'd understand more if she was childfree and didn't understand babies! Why put friends in such an awkward situation?

Getting married is something that only requires the two people involved plus two witnesses. If you want to host a wedding then you need to consider your guests. Attending a wedding is a pain in the neck, it's expensive, they are generally pretty boring, they eat into your annual leave, and these days there are often additional demands from the bride and groom (e.g. I know someone who insisted everyone attended their wedding dressed as a character from their favourite TV show!). If you want to host a wedding you should be considering your guests at every stage of the planning and be making it all as easy and pleasant as possible for them. It's fine to have a limit on numbers but I do think there needs to be flexibility about children not a blanket rule. If you really want someone there then if you know they are going to struggle to attend if you don't allow them to take their tiny baby then let them take the baby. Same with family members, if your brother and his wife can't attend without their DC because everyone they'd ask to babysit is also invited to the wedding then FFS have your nieces and nephews there and don't cause a family rift. Your old university friend who you've not seen for 6 months will not take umbrage because their 5 year old is not invited but a babe in arms or a child relative is at the wedding.

@Pickledprawn she obviously forgot what it feels like to have a tiny baby.
I get not wanting kids if everyone brought their kids the wedding would increase by about a third.
Sometimes it's easier to have a straight line than exceptions to the rule.

Yes I get the whole not wanting children thing especially because she would have to pay for an extra 60 odd people. But a babe in arms is free and they don't get in the way of anyone. Surely no one can "forget" that it's difficult to get a babysitter for a two week old baby or that perhaps the parents don't want to leave the baby with someone else.

The other issue is were do you draw the line, babys under 3mths, 6mth, 9mth. No matter what you do someone will feel hard done by "it's not fair bobs baby is here, my baby is just a month older and was told no"
Baby's still count to the venue capacity even if they are free.

You are being massively unreasonable - the baby is 14 days old! How else could they attend. Baby hardly going to be pulling up a high chair and causing a mess or resulting in any costs. Most people have an exception for babes in arms - I guess that definition is open to interpretation but 2 weeks is definitely it I

Tbh I think the couple is being ambitious thinking that they would be able to attend - your friend might not have even given birth or still be in hospital. If they can make it then I think entirely reasonable to bring the baby as it’s not like they are going to leave them with anyone else at so young an age and the baby will literally be a babe in arms. I think the perspective here is whether they will be able to attend at all. The first few weeks are for enjoying the baby bubble, I would have declined a wedding in that window personally.

I wouldn't assume a really tiny baby would be invited, I'd assume they'd decline. I wouldn't have fancied going to a wedding bleeding heavily and with a baby attached to me, or having lots of germy people around my newborn.

I suspect they wont come anyway.

Did anyone else misread the OP post about a team of nannies being employed to look after the parents as well as the children? 😃

@BunniesRUs 😂😂 sadly not!