No invitation to Close friends daughters’ wedding.. known bride for 30 years

[AngelinaSpin]

I’ve known my friend since our kids were friends at primary school. Our daughters’ (2 each) were best mates before they went to different High schools. I still visit my friend weekly. I send her girls birthday/xmas cards & small gifts. I have always been close to them as they grew up, especially when their father left them.
I was invited to the eldest one’s wedding 1.5 years ago - couldn’t attend as had covid, but gave 4 days notice I was ill straightaway. I still sent a card & gift of £75. I had only been invited as a single guest- no plus-one (my husband died 10 years ago), but I know most of their extended family pretty well, from family birthday parties & gatherings.
When her younger daughter announced her nuptials, this summer, I was excited, even told my friend I’d get use out of the (expensive) dress I’d picked out for the first wedding. There was no mention that I’d be excluded. But I’ve heard nothing.. no Save the Date, no inquiry asking why haven’t I RSVP’d yet; then no formal invite.. and yes, I know they’ve been sent.
My friend is gaily talking about the dress, the venue, her other friends who are going… I’m simply being ghosted. TBH, I don’t understand why. Both the brides were/are marrying into millionaire status families, so it’s not as if money is a consideration.
I imagine this is a case of ‘their wedding, their choices’ - but I am hurt.
I feel as if a direct confrontation is not an option here.. my friend can be extremely defensive, and I’ve no desire to have a fall out. She’s had many opportunities to broach the subject of my ‘non requested’ attendance, and is almost gleeful over the calibre of the grooms guests attending. (Maybe I’m not worthy enough! I’m an NHS doctor by day - when I’m not attending weddings).
Next problem.. AINBU - do I still send a card? A gift ? As I did with older daughter? AIBU : Do I send Nothing at all? I have no idea of the etiquette in these cases.
Thank you all.

I don’t really know why I’m asking, given it’s clear now this was a post and run thread, but I’m wondering what the MOB’s reaction was to this:

When her younger daughter announced her nuptials, this summer, I was excited, even told my friend I’d get use out of the (expensive) dress I’d picked out for the first wedding. There was no mention that I’d be excluded.

Would anyone really say, “Well actually, you’re not invited” on hearing this? Especially given they’re the MOB, not the bride? Would MOB even have any idea what the guest list at that point?

A family member got married last year and a relatively distant relative said to the MOB, “Well, if I’m invited to don’t know how I’ll get there. I suppose I could always share a car with someone…” It was an embarrassingly obvious hint, but MOB still didn’t give any indication either way - 1) because it wasn’t her place and 2) she genuinely didn’t know if her daughter was going to invite this relative.

I know this wouldn’t explain why MOB is rattling on to the OP about all her friends coming to the wedding. But I do think it’s a bit odd that OP not only assumed she was invited, but thinks that if she wasn’t being invited, that should have been announced along with the wedding plans.

This happened to me and I couldn't handle the gloating and bragging about their daughter's wedding so I ended the friendship. I felt a fool for all that I had done/given to the friendship only to have my nose rubbed in when she mentioned other friends that were invited.
3 years on I miss my friend occasionally but have found a couple of more genuine friends.
Hope you resolve your dilemma soon.

Yeah this. Very cold!

Reminds me of my neighbour (Anna,) actually. She has a daughter who's been married 6 years, and has been with her DH for 10 years. The DH's mum and her mum's partner got married last Spring 2023. Anna was quite surprised - and a bit hurt at not being invited. They are literally related. Their individual children are married. They will share grandchildren. Yet they were not invited. Even after knowing each other almost a decade! (And getting on OK.)

It was a huge wedding - £35K worth - in a big stately home, 200 people invited - 85 at the ceremony and reception, and 115 more at the 'night do.' 10 or so at the ceremony and reception (and the night do) were work colleagues of the bride or groom. One woman who worked with the bride had only worked at her workplace for 6 months, yet she got an invite to her wedding, when Anna didn't!

Oh and the groom's brother got invited (obviously,) but so did his girlfriend (coz she was his plus-1.) He had been dating her for just 3 months! 2 months after the wedding, they finished!

Two of the work colleagues of the bride's left her workplace soon after the wedding, and she has had no contact with them since. So she has these ex-colleagues, and the brother's ex-girlfriend all on her wedding photos - and she will never see them again - or have any contact with them. But her son's wife's parents were not invited... and are not on the photos obviously!

They seem to like Anna and they all get on OK, but even almost a year later she can't figure out why she was not invited.

I just can't work some people out!

I don’t know what’s weirder / more unlikely about this post - the fact that you think someone’s son’s wife’s parents would be automatically invited to their wedding, or the “fact” that you know enough about your neighbour’s son’s mother-in-law to know how long she’d worked with some of her colleagues, that she hasn’t seen them since, and to confidently state she never will again 😏😏

I absolutely would not send a gift. Are you a doormat?