Parents whose kids are in the same clothes for years

[Januaryisthepits]

I have a few mum friends who are wealthy (large homes with pools, private schools etc)
These mums dress their kids in clothes that they wait until are practically falling apart before they get new ones…dresses that then become tops with leggings, coats that are extremely snug etc. I realise it’s the smart thing to do and not wasteful etc, but I notice these parents v rarely spending any money on their childrens clothes and looking smart, whereas they will on themselves and spend money on experiences, often involving good restaurants and champagne.
In comparison, my mum friends with average income spend money on their kids clothes, making sure they fit, aren’t too old and shabby etc. My wealthier friends always seem to be proud of these cut backs they’re making, but it seems unfair on the kids, often buying second hand toys and books too, again, great, but nothing second hand themselves and also a bit unfair to the mums with less, who genuinely need the second hand items.
They also seem so proud to shop at Aldi/Lidl as though it’s an expression of something
Does anyone know what I mean?

OK, so you don't know what disposable income is.

Disposable income is what you have to spend after tax. You can choose to spend your disposal income on expensive housing and expensive education if you like, but it's still part of your disposal income.

It all seems very sensible.

We all need to reuse clothing much more - repurposing or handing down is very sensible

Why would the ones who need the items most not get a look in? Do the rich ones shove them out of the way or something?

I'm the opposite, my kids have new clothes and I'm the one wearing old clothes iv had for years. I feel bad spending on myself!

Spending priorities are a class marker.

I've worked with kids in really deprived areas with unemployed parents who are in designer gear and then private school kids in supermarket tracksuits.

I've also noticed that girls from lower and middle income families are more likely to do a dance clubs or gymnastics. In private schools it's more music lessons and team sports. Obviously a big generalisation but our own upbringings influence our priorities when it comes to kids.

Lots if people don't see the point of spending their money on clothes which kids will be out of in less than a year, whereas buying themselves an expensive coat or bag is a better investment.

This reminds me of a thread on here a few months ago entitled something like “those school mums with swishy hair” lol sorry can’t remember exactly.
But it was basically the same in that the OP couldn’t understand why upper-middle class families put their kids in scruffy clothes, how they were a bit ‘dirty’ with long matted hair and also how the mums had a very casual almost boho look.

Conclusion seemed to be that they didn’t care about clothes, had other priorities, didn’t worry about SS turning up and that the mums just had their own natural good genes and could get away with little grooming I think.

I think there’s a lot of truth in it as I have a friend like this whose kids are in slightly too small, worn out mismatched clothes with slightly matted hair. To speak to them their ‘poshness’ is disarming. They are from generations of wealth and have nothing at all to prove. They’re actually lovely people. Very warm and welcoming.

As some people have pointed out all of this is a class thing. Lower classes tend to want to have their kids smart and presentable as they don’t want to be judged. It’s been like this for years.

If a struggling single mum dressed her kids in clothes that were "practically falling apart" and too small, it would probably be raised as a safeguarding issue. Your wealthy friends know that won't happen and they'll be thought eco friendly. That's the difference.

My children have tended yp wear clothes they like into.the ground. So you there's definitely that - children's choice.

I think its fine personally. As those kids get older they will want designer gear and their parents.probably still won't let them - because it's wasteful and children don't appreciate it. Having said that, they can buy their own - ds just got himself some.over priced hoodie with Christmas money. Great!

I think I fit this.

I spend money on my clothes because I get enjoyment from them, and will look after them.

My kids don't care about clothes, so I don't spend money there. Some of their shirts are even a bit small! But if they are favourites, the kids want to keep wearing them for a while.

I am happy to spend money on the kids on things that they value, like books.

Lower classes tend to want to have their kids smart and presentable as they don’t want to be judged.

ironic, given the judginess of the OP!

Apologies. Yes, that is the definition.

However, in conversation few people would say that that they had a disposable income of a certain amount without taking bills off. In most posts about money it's used to mean available spending money. This is what I was referring to, though I accept it was wrong.

In my 40s and have a few things from my pre-teen clothes, which themselves were secondhand. I applaud the lack of wastefulness.

Have you seen the clothes mountain in Ghana?!

This is me and they do have nice clothes but you are not likely to see them because they are not for when we are out and about.
I can afford to eat out etc even without doing this but money is not infinite and choices are made.
As for adults wearing designer clothes and eating in fancy restaurants I learned a long time ago that when you have money there is an assumption that our stuff is better.
For instance our realtor thought our dinning chairs where leather, my husband corrected her they where from Homebase and plastic (I was in the US we moved our stuff over) she said never tell people that they look at your home and car and fill in the blanks.
And she is right.
I am currently using a handbag I found at the back of a cupboard, it's not designer and it cost me about £20 from m and s years ago, it is good quality but not designer but people keep asking about it and assuming it cost me a fortune.
I too wear my clothes until they fall apart but I also have nice clothes to go out. Last night I got compliments on my 5 year old Matalan trousers and Asda top, the assumption I am sure that I must of spent a fortune.
The other thing is I don't feel the need to impress you, sorry but I don't, I know I can go out and buy whatever I want to, I just don't need to.

I got all there stuff apart from shoes and coats second hand until the age of 7 it then becomes more difficult as people buy less cloths for boys so don't tend to have much to sell on. I used to them sell on what was still decent (also toys second hand).
I also cut off the feet on favourite onesies to make them last longer, shorts for 12/18 months fit 3/4 year olds when they are out of nappies.
I don't judge people who buy designer stuff for their children when they live in a small home, because I know in most cases they are doing their best and that is how they want to spend their money. There is a roof over the child head and food in their tummies and when done with they sell them second hand, most people make rational choices they might not be yours or mine.
I buy them for a couple of quid and the illusion that I have lots of money continues, and my kids wore them to death.

YABU and Judgey
different people value different things.

I think people who buy brand new outfits for a 6m old brand new cars are profilgate wastrels but upon seeing said item the only correct response is "oh that IS lovely!" because it's their money/life/choice so what do you care?

I also think wealthy people have nothing to prove to anyone.

In fairness you could dress a child in new clothes every day of the year and it would cost less than private school. It's not as if they aren't spending the money, just spending it differently.

OP, I know exactly what you mean. I have wondered about it, too. Not that it bothers me, but I don't understand.

I also feel that people are intentionally missing the point. It's about children wearing clothes that fit them. Not the age on the label of the item. If the child can stll comfortably wear something that was bought five years ago. That's great. However, if the item of clothing is very tight on the bottom, shirts tight around the chest. Shoes and shirts or dresses have holes in them. Yes, I have seen this. Then it seems like the parents don't care too much about their children's appearances.

An additional thing I've observed is children turning up to school in uniforms that are not ironed.

It's weird that you wouldn't want your child to be presentable when out in public. It's not about having designer clothes but about children being dressed comfortably in whatever they put on.

Kids grow out of clothes. If you buy good quality they last for years and are versatile. It's silly to buy new when they are still practical.

Designer clothes also last for years but adults don't grow out of them.

Clothes I've bought from mini Boden and jojo etc have lasted 4x as well as clothes I've bought from primark so I've not needed to replace them, even if they get the odd mark etc.

The saying is look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves. This is very true.

^this.

I love clothes and fashion and something good could easily last me over a decade. I also want to look good for work. My kids don't give a shit and grow like weeds. They do have favourite items they insist on wearing into the ground, but mostly they're in Tesco joggers and occasionally I buy (or inherit from a friend) a whole bale of secondhand clothes in the next size when one of them has a growth spurt. They are warm, comfortable, and appropriately clad for weather and their activities. They also get plenty spent on books and activities.

I think that if you're comfortable it's seen more as you're being frugal, and it's a choice if your kids aren't looking perfect, where if it's judged that maybe you'd be more hard up, then the judgement is you can't afford to keep your kids looking pristine.

There's a lot of judgement in if from outside, and the judgement is in my view, worse the poorer you are.

I genuinely haven't ever, I don't think, bought a "new" item of clothing for my children. Everything is second hand.

My young children don't care what they look like. Therefore, neither do I. I buy them good quality second hand clothing that is comfortable and I do like to buy organic cotton clothes for them where available (now I'm just a sucker for the marketing re organic I'm sure, but there we go. I do it because some part of me feels it will be healthier for my children).

I do not give a rats arse if they're faded, look tired or past their best. I want them to be healthy, happy, and comfortable. That's literally my only concern.

I, on the other hand, do care what I look like. Not least because my success at work and in other areas depends on looking presentable. So my clothes, whilst also second hand, will be chosen with aesthetics in mind amongst other factors.

I definitely spend more time, effort, and money choosing my children's clothes than mine, but I'm sure OP would judge me otherwise.

Why be like this? @Dabralor is clearly speaking from the heart - she's articulating her own insecurities which she recognises. Why feel the need to put her down like that? Just entirely unnecessary.

I think it was a very honest post.

I think the best point on here is that, in general, wealthy people have nothing to prove and don't care what you think. People from lower income families have traditionally cared more about keeping in appearances. Think women in the past scrubbing the front door step everyday vs upper class people walking into their hall with muddy dogs and wellies. These priorities and values get subcontiosuly passed down.

These are people you call friends but you seem to have strong negative feelings for. I don’t think it’s a common or even usual thing for rich people to do. Never seen an example in my life of mum in Chanel and kid in ragged hand me downs for Lidl.

In any wealth bracket it would be concerning that a parent spends a lot on themselves but neglects basic things for their child. It’s potentially abuse. But you have not expressed those concerns. Your generalised comments seem picky and judgemental. Are you checking labels and monitoring where people shop. I have no idea where people’s clothes are from.

young children trash clothes. Their clothes get lost and exchanged. You need lots of clothes that you don’t mind getting destroyed. Adults tend to buy clothes that last for years.

Who are these people to you because they don’t sound like friends.

I was one of those children in the slightly too small second hand clothes, my parents are very middle class and just didn’t think how you looked mattered because they’d always got on through knowing the right people. I went to a school in a small ex mining village where most families were working class and I really stood out as the other children were always immaculately dressed in brand new clothes, they would’ve rather died than bought clothes from a charity shop.