Parents whose kids are in the same clothes for years

[Januaryisthepits]

I have a few mum friends who are wealthy (large homes with pools, private schools etc)
These mums dress their kids in clothes that they wait until are practically falling apart before they get new ones…dresses that then become tops with leggings, coats that are extremely snug etc. I realise it’s the smart thing to do and not wasteful etc, but I notice these parents v rarely spending any money on their childrens clothes and looking smart, whereas they will on themselves and spend money on experiences, often involving good restaurants and champagne.
In comparison, my mum friends with average income spend money on their kids clothes, making sure they fit, aren’t too old and shabby etc. My wealthier friends always seem to be proud of these cut backs they’re making, but it seems unfair on the kids, often buying second hand toys and books too, again, great, but nothing second hand themselves and also a bit unfair to the mums with less, who genuinely need the second hand items.
They also seem so proud to shop at Aldi/Lidl as though it’s an expression of something
Does anyone know what I mean?

You obviously do prioritise materialistic things though; or you would be buying second hand or from supermarkets.

New kids clothes beyond supermarkets are ridiculously expensive for the amount of wear they get. Even in high street shops like Next, you are talking £20 for a pair of jeans; when you can buy the same on vinted for a fiver. And I can guarantee nobody would know the difference.

Your initial post reeks of judgement.

I’m aware, unsure why you are replying to me - my kids are not privately educated.

My mistake. Apologies.

Clothes are not food - they don’t have an expiration date.

It's not neglect if the clothes are clean and fit for purpose, surely?

Id argue that stained, too small clothes are not fit for purpose.

It's called having priorities I think.

Define "stained," though.

A big ugly curry stain down the front of a light colored dress?
Or the odd small mark on a patterned t-shirt?
I think it's OK for kids to have clothes that aren't pristine, although there is a point where I would cut them up for dusters (the clothes, not the kids).

I'd call it neglect if a child were wearing shoes that were too small. Sweaters that are unravelling at the sleeves and visible holes in clothing? Neglect.

(In my time as a school teacher, I reported both.)

My mother buying clothes on the large side so that they would last, taking up a hem and gradually letting them down/out - mending where necessary? Not neglect.

Maybe I'm looking at this differently because of my upbringing. I was a child in the '60s and money was definitely tight.

As others have said, people value different things which isn’t that unusual considering there are billions of people on the planet.

Lidl or Aldi aren’t reserved for people with less money, as Waitrose isn’t reserved for people with lots of money. Don’t get me wrong Waitrose take the absolute piss with some of their pricing but I love it in there 😂. Equally love a Lidl shop!

In your time as a school teacher you must have done a lot of reporting for fraying sleeves. Particularly at the end of year 6.

I buy second hand clothes for my son (mostly eBay) although he’s lucky enough to have lots of lovely relatives who give him new, too. I bought him a wee spidey top from Next over Christmas where the sequins go a different colour when you push them one way: he was desperate for it so I cracked.

we, like many on this thread, prioritise education: he attends an independent prep, which was the right call as he’s one of the youngest in the year and not the world’s best concentrator, so benefits from smaller class sizes.

But I’m not like the mums you describe, OP. His clothes all do fit, whereas I’m no Kardashian: with every passing month, I seem to bear a greater resemblance to Maggie Smith in “The Lady in the Van”.

Does that pass muster?

I worked in secondary. Only had to do it twice - for boys who were clearly being neglected. The sleeves were not just frayed: they were unravelling - coming apart - and the tops had visible holes. I'm not talking about parents getting full use out of clothing before buying the next size up.

The cases where children were being sent to school with shoes that were too small for them were even more serious.

ETA As I said in my previous comment, quoted by another poster, clothes need to be clean and fit for purpose. If they're unravelling and have holes, a sweater is not going to keep a child warm.

Having done the second hand school uniform for a naice school pta I reckon you’d have been busier than you claim based on the utter shite people donated.

But as you say you were secondary and this thread is about toddlers and very young children who chew sleeves etc 🤢

I can find no mention of the word 'toddler' in the original post, though some other posters have gone on to comment that children are more likely to care about the clothes that they wear when they're older.

I worked full-time in an area with 'mass markers of deprivation'. You find that most people from less well-off backgrounds do their damnedest to look after their children. My own background was not at all well off and clothes were made to last as long as possible.

The parents that I reported were definitely neglectful. The affected children were about 12 yrs old. As I said, there's a difference between clothes that are frayed and those that are unravelling.

Old clothes rather than 'good' clothes for messy activities? Fine.

Sending your child to school with clothes that won't keep him warm? Neglect.

There is a lot of bashing of people that posters perceive as being middle class/ having by people that perceive themselves as being working class/not having. Sure if people want to buy new clothes for their kids they are free to do so, but to attach moral elitism to it is ridiculous, particularly as there is so much exploitation in the supply chain of these clothes of the environment and of the factory workers. If not regularly getting new clothes is a marker of neglect then every parent before about the 1950s was neglectful by that metric. Parent how you want to parent, but looking down on others that do things differently is silly. You don't know what budget they are working with. OP didn't talk about children being cold/dirty, just a bit scruffy, which kids often do. I'll buy a few new things for my kids but there's plenty of great second hand stuff out there and for me although some level of consumerism is a necessary evil these days (or at least that is how it feels to me) I don't want my kids to grow up to see shopping as a hobby. As a teenager all I wanted to do was go to Primark every weekend - I wish I'd invested more time in learning actually skills/hobbies like I do now.

M kids aren't scruffy but everything they wear is from Vinted and most of what I wear is from Vinted. We are reasonable high earners but like to keep a check on spends. DS starting independent school this year so there is an element of us prioritising other things. We drive a pretty basic car too. We don't live a champagne lifestyle (far from it) but if I do buy a new item of clothing it's a 'nice' item of clothing.

I live in quite a mixed area with DC at a fairly mixed local state school. And it's the parents from the poorer parts of town who drive the over-sized SUVs, wear the flashy clothes and have Botox etc. And their kids are the ones in the designer gear with phones etc. I guess it depends what you define as 'smart'. Not sure I like the 6 year old dressed as an adult look smart but then I wouldn't have my DC running around in clothes too small.

Strangely though (and I'm now rambling), I do have a friend whose mission in life is to keep up with the Joneses (despite not really being able to) and her kids run around in scruffy, tiny, mis-matched leggings etc so I'm now wondering if she read somewhere that that's a thing for posh people😂

mis-matched leggings

^ what are these?

You’re being EXTREMELY unreasonable. Children’s clothes are absolutely the best thing to save money on – they grow quickly and often get ruined, so if you frequently purchasing new ones to avoid that and ‘keep them smart’ then it’s not only unduly expensive bit also very wasteful.

Pools, private schools and high quality adult clothes are longer term investments.

Children generally don’t care much about their clothes, it’s not ‘unfair on them’.

“and also a bit unfair to the mums with less, who genuinely need the second hand items.”
I am genuinely baffled OP - how is it unfair?? It’s called a free market.

My dd gets very attached to her clothes and it’s a struggle to get rid of favourite items that are too small, which has often resulted in her wearing a much too short dress as a top with leggings. Nothing to do with not being bought new clothes.