Parents whose kids are in the same clothes for years

[Januaryisthepits]

I have a few mum friends who are wealthy (large homes with pools, private schools etc)
These mums dress their kids in clothes that they wait until are practically falling apart before they get new ones…dresses that then become tops with leggings, coats that are extremely snug etc. I realise it’s the smart thing to do and not wasteful etc, but I notice these parents v rarely spending any money on their childrens clothes and looking smart, whereas they will on themselves and spend money on experiences, often involving good restaurants and champagne.
In comparison, my mum friends with average income spend money on their kids clothes, making sure they fit, aren’t too old and shabby etc. My wealthier friends always seem to be proud of these cut backs they’re making, but it seems unfair on the kids, often buying second hand toys and books too, again, great, but nothing second hand themselves and also a bit unfair to the mums with less, who genuinely need the second hand items.
They also seem so proud to shop at Aldi/Lidl as though it’s an expression of something
Does anyone know what I mean?

Yes, very true, but I'm not talking about one offs. I'm talking about consistently.

Would you knowingly feed your kids poor quality food all the time whilst eating the best and freshest yourself?

I don't understand fhe point of your post?

You just fancy bitching about a friend?

Kids in designer labels is the height of chav imo

Would you knowingly feed your kids poor quality food all the time whilst eating the best and freshest yourself?

no, I would say we both eat a mix but I do think dc tend to prefer the crappier stuff!

Maybe their own smart clothes are second hand OP, and/or maybe they don't want to spoil their kids? This definitely wouldn't interest or bother me once the kids seemed to be happy, warm and fed.

This final sentence is spot on. It doesn’t matter how much a parent might love sushi and a well fitted blazer. My v. Average 5 year old loves fries + Spider-Man + his too small dinosaur hoodie. Why on earth would someone mess with that happy 5yo bubble just to project something else to the world!

exactly

we have lots of disposable income/private school etc but I’m reluctant to spend on my young dcs clothes as they don’t care what they wear! Nothing is too small obviously but I try and get away with buying the minimum possible tbh! They are happy in whatever atm but on the other hand nice clothes make a big difference to my life! So the clothes budget is mainly for me!
I sometimes ponder why you see some children looking so gorgeous and beautifully dressed when the mums look scruffy and a bit frumpy and think “your kids won’t care if they’re in a pair of leggings and a hoodie from primark! Get yourself something nice”!”

Dressing your dc the same as everyone else is not going to stop them getting bullied but I suppose it gives some parents a security blanket.

In some peer groups, dressing the same as others is, by itself, ‘different’. In ithers, dressing differently is ‘different’.

In some peer groups, dressing ‘scruffily’ is ‘different’. In ithers, being the spotless one in mainstream clothing is ‘different’. Bullying, like neglect, is not a simple thing.

On the OP, she nay perceive a coat as being ‘too tight’ or ‘too short’ by her own norms - so for her, those are ‘different’. If decent and warm , they may be extremely ‘normal’ in that group. Like ripped jeans, or very skimpy tops in the Newcastle sleet ir whatever.

I do have an ‘o’ on my keyboard. I just miss it a lot, sorry!

It’s for children to learn the value of things in high income households. Help them be less entitled when surrounded by so many nice things like the good restaurants and luxury holidays. A lot of people work hard for high incomes and children need to learn it doesn’t just land on a plate for them. I really don’t see what’s difficult to understand.

Partty agree, mostly disagree. There is a certain conceit amongst some wealthy people to portray their DC as 'feral' 'wild' etc which apparently involves wearing ill fitting weather inappropriate and torn clothing. People with less money would be more likely to be concerned about being judged as poor/neglectful than wealthy ones of they did thd same so may take more care with their DCs presentation. I think reusing toys and books is the ethical choice whatever your income. And just because you've a lot of money doesn't mean you have to waste it paying more for the same thing in a more expensive supermarket.

That's what pocket money is for.

In your example putting the kids in shabby ill fitting clothing is some kind of ritual humiliation. What lesson do you think a kid is going to learn from that?

@Dramasloth

AyeRightYeAre
Are we talking Oliver Twiat here? Are the children unhappy?

Is Oliver Twiat related to Oliver Twist?

Awesome spot of the autocorrect 👏

@cantkeepawayforever

Agreed. In my school, smokers were ostracized, for example. It was very much not cool.

I think some parents put way too much emphasis on kids learning resilience in ways that happen to fall in with parental wishes.

I was a happily outspoken weird kid - but I'd have liked to be a happily outspoken weird kid with a rucksack like everyone else's. Not a hiking rucksack because that was what my parents thought was a "proper" rucksack. Ironically it was North Face before they were fashionable.

We keep clothes til they are falling apart or ridiculously small too. As a previous poster said we just don't see the value in spending money on clothes, particularly for the kids who outgrow them or rip them and generally don't look after them. Our children aren't hard done by though, at one point we were spending nearly my entire pay every month on their expensive hobbies. Oh and I do have some designer clothes myself (second hand) but I have no expensive hobbies!

Oh and I gave my 11 year old the choice between a new school uniform (or very obviously second hand) when she started school and she said she'd rather have the second hand and put the money towards hobbies. I was a bit worried because it's a school in a well off area, but all her friends seem to be the same.

Bullying, like neglect, is not a simple thing

i agree hence why i don’t think having the same trainers as someone else means you definitely won’t get bullied.

@ShoePalaver i think you’re right - never thought about the pressure not to look poor. I would be marked as ‘middle class’ and amongst my friends buying second hand is a badge of honour (though not to have things falling apart).

I dress my kids in rags but they have expensive hobbies is 'But we took you to stately homes!' reasoning.

All a y'all with the guilty consciences need to have a good look at yourselves.

No, but it definitely will help/can't hurt if you don't look different in that particular way. The more someone seems different in any way, the more they risk being bullied. If you are different in multiple ways, you'll probably get bullied more than someone who's only different in one way. And why risk subjecting kids to that more, anyway?

Autistic and dressed weird, for instance, could be more likely to be bullied than autistic and dressed like the other kids.

This is my family. I alternate my kids clothes with my next door neighbour and they wear until it's falling apart.

We prioritise hobbies and travel advice all else and DH and myself rarely buy ourselves clothes.

Jl2014 · Today 12:46
what a load of utter twattery!! Plus for the record plenty folk on low incomes work extremely hard too. Just because you are on a high income, dosent mean you work any harder than Jo blogs who works in a warehouse. Mn is awful sometimes

You are partly describing me - kids clothes from Sainsbury’s, dresses become tops, trousers worn at the knees become cut-offs.
Used lots of second hand/passed on things throughout their childhood- clothes, newborn/toddler paraphernalia, toys (given to them as birthday/Xmas gifts), second hand books etc.

I suppose the main difference is that they were always clean, comfortable to wear and in good condition. Cut-offs were worn to play in the garden/park and generally mess around in comfort.
My DCs are beanpoles so clothes became short before they ever became tight.
Toys, books they similarly outgrow and we pass on or keep if sentimental. The value is in how much they enjoy them, not what we have spent.
We tend to give the outgrown clothes in good condition to charity or pass them on to friends. Never sold them on.

School uniform is majority second hand and the second hand sale is very very popular in our affluent school.

I also happily wear supermarket clothes, only own a few designer pieces, which were gifts.
However, I see nothing wrong in adults buying expense clothes for themselves- probably better than fast fashion and these items can last well. Children will outgrow clothes so, in my mind, it’s a waste to buy expensive or brand new, esp as they will know no different.

DCs are now teens and have no interest in designer fashion or latest trends. They seem very comfortable in themselves - hope that lasts.

Exactly.

People in poorer areas are more worried about what schools/other people will think if their children aren't wearing 'nice' clothes. They don't want to appear like they're neglecting their children and many worry about social services becoming involved.

Middle and upper class people don't worry about these things.

This isn't the reason, it really isn't.