Husband wants another baby

[gogogo21]

Husband really wants another child, and I'm in two minds whether to have another.

For context, we have 4 already, youngest has SEN, non verbal, still in nappies and has no basic understanding - DC is 3. He literally needs eyes on him 24/7.

Husband goes to the gym 5-6 days a week, works full time, and is barely home - there is an odd day he will be home for the full day. When he is home, he doesn't bath, change, cook or feed the kids. I raised this with him, and he explicitly said he will pull his weight and make sure he helps when he is home. I love him but I feel he can be very selfish and self centred at times, no regards to how I feel.

I also work full time, but I WHF so the responsibility falls on me. ABIU to not want another child, where I bear the full responsibility of everything - he said he will help 50/50 but I just can't see it happening. I would love to have more but I don't feel I would be able to cope if he doesn't help.

Ultimately it is my decision, I'm just worried about many things.

So he currently does sweet fuck all for his existing FOUR DC yet says he'll pull his weight when the 5th child comes along? What did you say when he implied that? Laughed in his face I hope. He needs to do his fair share of parenting starting today.

And I would also be sorting out long term contraception so that you don't end up with a 5th DC.

You are 32 I didn’t have my first til I was 33. Masses off time for him to prove himself.
would be a hell no from me

I am not a troll unless disagreeing with you means I am automatically one?

Thanks for the UC by the way. 👍 Allows me to work and see my kids plenty. 😉

You mention the word help, you said one morning he helped get the children ready.

a proper father takes an equal share in all aspects of his children’s care. He doesn’t just ‘help’.

the answer to your question is just NO!

I also think your marriage has bigger problems. I would be considering your options as to whether you would be better off divorcing as I can't see how this fuckwit is a good husband or father.

I knew, my reasonable post to OP (who took it how it was meant by the way), must have touched your nerve. That's why. Who cares about your life choices? If you don't like them or feel embarrassed about them, change them. Don't jump on perfectly well-intentioned posts to an OP to justify your 'feelings'.

I waved you goodbye a long time ago.

Think of your existing children, don't do it.

I think your husband wants a ‘normal’ 4th kid, because wanting a younger one when there are 3 older ones anyway makes no sense

This is entirely crackers - you can’t give proper attention to 5 kids if one has serious special needs.

You don’t want another one anyway.

Just say no. It’s an utterly selfish and childish idea.

And.. I don’t know how you make him pull his weight really but he sounds awful, I would start by giving him a list of jobs.

No way.
how on earth do you work full time and manage 4 children and all the work that entails? Do you have lots of help eg from your DM?
but that’s irrelevant, you need long term contraception. And get him to help with the kids that you have. Very selfish to go to the gym so often. Why on earth does he want another child when he can’t parent his existing children properly?

Not bothered in the slightest. Adiós to you and your patronising attitude.

I would be concerned that you would have another severely disabled child as well.

Stupid answer. No way should they be having more children. 4 is already more than enough when the planet is so overcrowded and with the last child having health problems only a moron would consider having another.

I honestly do not know how you do what you are doing. Full time, 4 kids and one with SEN.
I'd be thinking about giving him his marching orders instead of another child.
What is it about some men who manage to convince a woman that they can keep the same life they had before they had kids- they're like the sun, expect everyone else to revolve around them.

The only people I see with 5 kids nowadays (and it's so so rare) are ones where one of the partners earns a bucket load and the other is a full time stay at home parent.

He’s a shit father and his reasoning for wanting another is worse. Jesus fucking Christ.

What’s this new obsession with people having 4-5 kids? Count your blessings. Seems excessive, selfish and I really don’t know how people give dedicated and quality time to their kids as individuals. I struggle with doing that with 2 kids.

Surely you can't be spending much quality time with the oldest 3 as it is? Having a fifth sounds like utter madness to me.

He's got four he doesn't bother with, why does he want a fifth to ignore?

Tell him if you had another child you cannot take having them back ifvhe doesn't pull his weight. If he wants another child, he needs to prove his going to step up before hand.

Just laugh in his face and say yeh yeh yeh, the day you start parenting instead of going to the gym, I might think about it. And repeat.
Don't even take him seriously cos he isn't taking you seriously!

This can’t be for real! Who has 5 kids nowadays and if they do they usually don’t have to work or can afford nanny’s etc. That’s craziness to even consider it with a full time job and a useless man!

Why are you even contemplating it? Solely because he has mentioned it? You're not legally bound to keep popping out kids you know? It's meant to be a joint decision. One where you're both on the same page.

You needed to come here to ask for advice because you couldn't figure out for yourself you're being treated like a domestic appliance that pops out sprogs?

Come on. Bin the man and have less housework to do as a result.

You dont know how big the needs of your youngest child will become. Read sen threads parents are fighting to get school places, transport, respite, access to hobbies. Your youngest will need so much support as well as trying to balance other kids needs.

I'd be getting implant or mirena fitted

It’s entirely your choice and it sounds like you are being sensible to be reluctant! However if he is really determined to have another child he is also within his rights to leave and find someone to do that with so it’s a balancing act really

There is nothing in your messages to suggest that you want another child. You already have your work cut out, that much is clear. It is also clear that your husband does little to contribute towards domestic life. I would not even ‘give him a chance to prove it’.