Husband wants another baby

[gogogo21]

Husband really wants another child, and I'm in two minds whether to have another.

For context, we have 4 already, youngest has SEN, non verbal, still in nappies and has no basic understanding - DC is 3. He literally needs eyes on him 24/7.

Husband goes to the gym 5-6 days a week, works full time, and is barely home - there is an odd day he will be home for the full day. When he is home, he doesn't bath, change, cook or feed the kids. I raised this with him, and he explicitly said he will pull his weight and make sure he helps when he is home. I love him but I feel he can be very selfish and self centred at times, no regards to how I feel.

I also work full time, but I WHF so the responsibility falls on me. ABIU to not want another child, where I bear the full responsibility of everything - he said he will help 50/50 but I just can't see it happening. I would love to have more but I don't feel I would be able to cope if he doesn't help.

Ultimately it is my decision, I'm just worried about many things.

You cannot place that responsibility on a sibling. That's an appalling reason to have a child.

It sounds like you're trying to convince a child you can't get another pet because he doesn't look after the one he already has, not discussing children with a fully grown adult.

You sound like you have so much on your plate already, especially with your youngest. That must be tough for you and I'm sorry DH isn't around more to parent the kids equally.

Why does he want another when he doesn't spend time with the children he already has? Is he addicted to babies?

I'd be saying no absolutely not and getting the contraceptive implant in your position.

Absolutely not.

Frankly, I wouldn't have had more than 1 with such a useless DH.

Ok, so let’s see if he can continue doing so for more than a few days. You know he won’t.

Sort out your contraception.

You already have four which is far more than the average. What does he bring to the table as a father?

Absolutely this!

It would be a hard no from me.

Do you live in Iran?

😂 absolutely the fuck not.

It sounds like you are quite emotionally beaten down by him and no wonder. You are probably physically and emotionally exhausted.

This can't be real.

If it is, please stop having children.

Oh God no!
It's his way of keeping you in line
Have number 5 and he'll be banging on about number 6 before it's out of nappies
He sounds like a controlling arsehole

'Absolutely fucking not' would be my response in your shoes.

Four kids (one with sen) and a useless husband is more than enough for anyone.

Are you nuts??

He won't change!

Go ahead if you want to. But it will all, and I mean ALL be on you.

What's his reasoning as he doesn't appear to be much of a family man?

The phrase "barefoot and pregnant" comes to mind here. It's a form of abuse.

That's a terrible reason!

WTF is wrong with him?

Please don't if that's the reason.

I learnt on here about coercive reproduction, where an abusive/controlling man wants his victim to have more DC to make it more difficult for her to leave, I'm not saying he's controlling as only you know what he is like, but a man has no right to pressure a woman into more if she doesn't want them. I hope he's a high earner and pays for nursery for the younger ones.

That is a disgusting reason to want another child.

^^
Why are you even considering this?!? He sounds crap

So he’s already proved to you he’s a shit dad four times and now he wants to do it again. It’s a big fuck off from me.

I'd so no, considering you can't guarantee his support. X

I am just left speechless at the thought of a younger sibling being conceived to help your special needs child through life. It is not the role of a younger sibling to be responsible for the special needs child you and your husband chose to have. (I mean I know you didn't plan on him being special needs but there is always that risk when you have children.) They may not even like each other or get along. What if this fifth child is also special needs too? Do you try for a sixth child? Aren't you exhausted with the current children and set up?

Try couples counselling first, find out which part of teamwork makes him get 5 sessions a week at the gym, while you’re working full time with 4 children and doing all the housework and admin.

Breeding up another service human to look after a disabled sibling is the most stupid thing I’ve read for a long time. Your child needs long term planning not magic unicorn solutions.