Husband wants another baby

[gogogo21]

Husband really wants another child, and I'm in two minds whether to have another.

For context, we have 4 already, youngest has SEN, non verbal, still in nappies and has no basic understanding - DC is 3. He literally needs eyes on him 24/7.

Husband goes to the gym 5-6 days a week, works full time, and is barely home - there is an odd day he will be home for the full day. When he is home, he doesn't bath, change, cook or feed the kids. I raised this with him, and he explicitly said he will pull his weight and make sure he helps when he is home. I love him but I feel he can be very selfish and self centred at times, no regards to how I feel.

I also work full time, but I WHF so the responsibility falls on me. ABIU to not want another child, where I bear the full responsibility of everything - he said he will help 50/50 but I just can't see it happening. I would love to have more but I don't feel I would be able to cope if he doesn't help.

Ultimately it is my decision, I'm just worried about many things.

I would be fucking furious with him for suggesting another when he doesn’t really bother parenting the ones he’s got. I wouldn’t have got passed one child in this context. You should be really angry that you are the one doing all the heavy lifting and they are HIS kids.

The younger one has three older siblings to help him.

That's a ridiculous reason to have another.

Well done parenting 4 kids and working full time! I find 3 utterly exhausting finding 1 to 1 time with each one.

He sounds unhinged

They have four children already . What makes you think he will change? He may change for such an amount of time then revert back to his old ways.

Tell him to prove he will help by doing gos fair share with the 4 you have first and then you will think about having another. I have 5 but their Dad helps a lot. Also have one suspected autistic and you will need the help

Absolutely not and 4 children is a lot, especially when he doesn’t pull his weight and you know he won’t change

OMG I can't believe you're even considering this!!

Obviously he's not going to help.

Obviously.

It's mad you've had 4 kids with someone who is so useless and selfish. Why would you want another one?

Lovely benefit stereotyping btw.

How do you manage to work FT, do all the housework, look after four kids including a profoundly disabled one?

Baffles me people are more bothered making sure OP doesn't claim benefits than if having another one is a good idea

NAW!!😩

Once he has done 50/50 for 6 months, then you'll happily talk about it again.

I agree. To do it 'right' with SEN children, it starts by seeking supporting, getting therapies, sorting out the EHCP, which is a battle itself. However, you do get some SEN parents who don't do the above. This could be OP and it isn't bothered about getting another child.

FGS no!! I have an only child DD14 with SEN and I'll tell you it's hard enough keeping on top of that working FT. Don't do it.

Your DH sounds bloody terrible. I'm a lone parent and I'd rather have it this way than be with a useless partner.

Your husbands reasoning made me gasp - having a child to look after another one is horrible! But why does he specifically want a younger one to look after them? Why doesn't he expect the older ones to do so? Unless there's a very large age gap I can't see any reason they wouldn't all be around for roughly the same amount of time anyway.

No, it is definitely NOT. What took you so long, by the way? Was expecting one to turn up!

Some of us pay hundreds of thousands if not millions in tax, whilst making loads of sacrifices ourselves. My money would not be spent on benefits for a family of 4 kids who might even make them 5 kids out of 'want'/ 'choice'.

Maybe you are happy to fund such families- I won't ask how much tax you pay. So go figure!

Is that all you care about? OP could be suffering abuse by her OH who might want to keep her pregnant all the time but you are happy to encourage it as long as she doesn't claim benefits!

Yes it is btw. Most benefit claimants work and I know very few with lots of kids.

Take care of the children you have already, especially the youngest. They will need a lot of your attention.

What did I just read? Why his your husband treating you like a baby farm?

Absolutely not. He already doesn't pull his weight. Why would you even consider this. He's selfish and self centred and another baby isn't going to change that.

Your husband is a stupid fuckwit who had no clue what it takes to be the one physically there raising a family. He just wants wifey to pop 'em out for him.

It;s like you're his incubator.

No one needs 5 children. Especially not shit parents like your DH.