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AIBU?

Telling Friend I'm Only Going On Cheap Catch-ups

190 replies

vanquest · 12/01/2024 12:12

Not really BU as I know I'm putting myself first.
Some background- known friend since pandemic. We would go out on expensive girl-dates initiated by her where she puts me in an uncomfortable situation and I mostly end up paying the bills (usually average of £80-100).
I challenged myself to do less people-pleasing this year so, she's been texting me that we are due for another girl catch-up. We had one over Christmas that left me really out of pocket and I'm still recovering from that.
She's asked repeatedly and I then replied her saying things are financially tight and I'm only able to meet up for a cheap hot drink, nothing else. Friend read and hasn't replied for a week.
Is she taking the piss or just realised I've decided to no longer be used and has resorted to the silent treatment?
What should I do? Just ignore her?

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 12/01/2024 12:14

I'd just ignore her. She sounds like a user, not a real friend.

PinkyFlamingo · 12/01/2024 12:16

Why do you usually end up paying bills, don't you go half?

Cosycover · 12/01/2024 12:17

Why did you pay all the bills though?

toomuchfaff · 12/01/2024 12:18

so she pushes for girly catch ups, then pulls a sob story and you end up paying, and when you've said you're happy to meet up for a cheap coffee, she has left you on read?

You've answered your own question there. Read between the lines, she's a user and you're the ATM.

Thelootllama · 12/01/2024 12:19

Ignore her. You are no longer useful to her and she has made it clear she doesn't value the friendship beyond you bankrolling her spa trips.

Thesearmsofmine · 12/01/2024 12:19

She’s using you but you definitely need to stop paying for other people.

MatildaTheCat · 12/01/2024 12:19

It doesn’t sound as if you want to meet her in any social situation particularly. So don’t.

TinkerTiger · 12/01/2024 12:20

I could understand shelling out once, don't know how it's become a pattern honestly

NYName · 12/01/2024 12:21


You've answered your own question there. Read between the lines, she's a user and you're the ATM.


This^
Drop her. It's not really you she's interested in it's your wallet.
If you really want to keep up with her then invite her round to yours for a coffee. My bet is she'll be washing her hair!

CableTidy · 12/01/2024 12:21

I would be sending a message saying that you've realised you always end up paying, that if she's happy to take a turn then you'd consider it.

Basically she has realised she can get a little treat and you'll pay. She is not a friend

ManchesterBea · 12/01/2024 12:23

I'd love to hear more about the dynamic, particularly how you end up paying the bills, as previous posters have mentioned, how does this come about?

KissMyArt · 12/01/2024 12:24

You've forgotten to tell us why you end up paying.

PamelaParis · 12/01/2024 12:25

YABU to call them "girl-dates". 🤮

Khdzgg · 12/01/2024 12:27

Were you paying for her?

barkymcbark · 12/01/2024 12:29

I'd also love to know how you end up paying. Forgotten purse etc?

But if she's not happy to meet up for a simple cuppa then I think you have your answer

T1Dmama · 12/01/2024 12:29

Why did you continually pay for her?

ManchesterBea · 12/01/2024 12:30

But I guess to answer the question, I would absolutely just ignore her. If she comes back up for a meeting for a cheap meet up, then probably worth going. But if she doesn't reply then you'll know what her priority was.

Still really interested to hear more about how you ended up paying though!

murasaki · 12/01/2024 12:32

How do you always end up paying? My best friend and I nearly always split it, or if one says I can't afford it this time, one offers, or doesn't, and the next time is on them if offered, or we go somewhere cheaper. Never a cross word re money, if there are about other things! It needs to be equal. We figure it out depending on how much we want to see each other at that given point in time or if it can wait a week.

Sunnydays0101 · 12/01/2024 12:35

Cringing at girl-dates and girl-catch ups. What’s wrong with saying uour meeting up or catching up with a friend.

MiIz · 12/01/2024 12:37

Why do you pay the bill? She doesn't go half? Or alternate who pays?

MiIz · 12/01/2024 12:38

Sunnydays0101 · 12/01/2024 12:35

Cringing at girl-dates and girl-catch ups. What’s wrong with saying uour meeting up or catching up with a friend.

Cringing at you commenting on someone's post with something so irrelevant.

blackpanth · 12/01/2024 12:39

Ignore her x

T1Dmama · 12/01/2024 12:40

MiIz · 12/01/2024 12:38

Cringing at you commenting on someone's post with something so irrelevant.

Exactly this! Why do people feel they need to pick apart the language used in threads while totally ignoring the point of the OP.

MiIz · 12/01/2024 12:41

T1Dmama · 12/01/2024 12:40

Exactly this! Why do people feel they need to pick apart the language used in threads while totally ignoring the point of the OP.

Ridiculous isn't it. Play ground shit.

Beautiful3 · 12/01/2024 12:41

Do you end up paying the whole bill? If so, why dont you go halves? Does she just say, thanks and leave? Or is the expensive bill from your half, because she's booked expensive places?

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