AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

That's awful, what is the school doing about that child who keeps breaking them?

You are not being unreasonable at ALL! Poor DD. Sounds like bullying to me and school should be putting a stop to it. You've been exceptionally tolerant (maybe too tolerant) thus far.

@SparklyOwls They said the child and their parents have been dealt with and consequences issues but obviously couldn't go further than that.

I’m furious on your behalf. Your poor daughter. This is bullying. I’d be speaking to the head pronto and would not be sending her back until the bully has been sanctioned

I'd be asking for a meeting with the Head today, to see what is being done to stop this ever happening again. I'd also approach the other kids parents and request some kind of compensation, but that's just me.

@BurbageBrook The first time I accepted it, the second time I did ask if it was the same child and what they'd be doing about it to be told that they can't confirm it was the same child but DD would be kept away from the child or children involved.

When I say compensation, I mean if you're out of pocket for the glasses.

I’d be very much less than happy about this - once could be construed as an accident, but multiple times?

Is the culprit being dealt with? This could be bullying as the same child is repeatedly targeting your DD. I’d escalate it to the Head. This is absolutely not acceptable.

This is an extremely difficult one to deal
with. You are completely right of course but a solution this is going to be hard to formulate and enforce. The other child involved clearly has some issues of their own.
I would definitely be insisting on an immediate meeting with her class teacher, Senco and headteacher. You need a discussion about what has been tried and what can be tried in the future to
try and stop it happening. Is this a child in her class or just her year group? Is this always happening outside the classroom? I know it’s not really down to you to fix this but can she function on the play ground without them? Three sets of glasses in as many weeks is not good. There response doesn’t really seem concerned or adequate from what you’ve said. Why should she be missing out on her trip because of this?

That is absolutely bang out of order ! You absolutely should be asking the school how they intend to support your daughter in not having her glasses broken repeatedly. If necessary they should be excluding this other child if they are incapable of not grabbing and breaking someone's glasses.

DD would be kept away from the child or children involved.

So the victim has to be the one to change ? Much like women have to stay at home at night because of male behaviour.

YANBU at all! How can they think it's reasonable to keep ringing you up and casually telling you yet another pair of glasses has bitten the dust on their watch? That says a lot about the level of control and supervision they are able to maintain in their school.

I would be annoyed at the cost but I'd be more upset that my child was being bullied. It doesn't sound like they are giving strong enough consequences if it keeps happening.

I wouldnt pull her put, I'd be going spare. Make an appointment with your headteacher immediately and set out the issue, stating that you will following up a note of the meeting, including the action taken so far and the proposed action to resolve the issue, with an email copying in in OFSTED, MP and Minister for Education. And the local authority to explain future absence if unsatisfied.

If you can I would refuse to send DD in unless you have assurances that this will be effectively dealt with. It’s the only way to make the school listen in my experience.

I put YANBU, but quite honestly, you should not be keeping your DD at home, its the other child who should be staying at home. I would request an urgent meeting with the school (and a refund for the residential TBH!) and demand that they resolve it.

As a very very short sighted glasses-wearer, I am incensed on your DDs behalf!

@Smartiepants79 Always outside of classroom from what I can tell. She cannot function without them, as in cannot see without them at all and struggles with balance anyway without adding no glasses to the mix.

Honestly if it was my DD constantly breaking anothers things I'd want her excluded even just temporarily.

I'm angry its distrupted the trip as well, DD was so looking forward to it and was sharing a room with her best friends.

I wonder if as well, the parents of the one responsible have also been requested to pick up their child? I think if your d has to leave through no fault of her own, then if it is the same child breaking her glasses again, I would want to know that they too have been asked to leave because this is persistent bullying, and needs to have serious consequences.

I would be so upset/anngry about her missing out on so much of the trip.

If DD says it's the same child again, she wouldn't be going back until the other child was removed.

cost & hassle of replacing the glasses aside, it's going to mean DD missing out on the trip & time in school

i would expect the other child's parents to reimburse the cost of the repairs/replacenents & for the school to keep the other child in a different area at break times, as a minimum.

This is shocking behaviour and definitely bullying. It shouldn’t be your child kept away but the school managing the other child to ensure that it can’t happen again as this is a safeguarding issue. I’d also want a refund for the residential and to understand if the other child was also being sent home.

I know it’s not the point of your OP but she is being sent home which isn’t giving her equal access to the trip. Where is the equality policy here?

My heart breaks for her.

I’d be in that school this afternoon demanding answers and a refund!

@Crochetablanket They had made adjustments for her conditions and taken into account the EHCP including making sure she had a member of staff on the trip that is aware of her issues and what signs to look out for if she's struggling, but the backup plan for glasses if they got broken was for me to run up her spares (they're only just over an hour away), but obviously can;t because they're damaged to.

I think you need a meeting with the head and SENCo. You need to consider whether an early review is appropriate and what you would want from that review.

Does DD have some 1-1 time attached to her EHCP? If so, could that be diverted to unstructured times, so she has someone supervising when she’s with her friends, so the other child doesn’t have the opportunity to continue this bullying?

I’m sure the school can’t tell you about the other child, but they should be able to tell you what steps they will put in place to prevent this behaviour from continuing. I’d consider a complaint to the chair of governors too.

I don’t know about removing her from school and that will have an impact on her learning, but you are absolutely entitled to complain that your child is being bullied by another, her education is suffering and you are out of pocket by having to frequently replace glasses.

As an aside, is there some method of safely securing glasses, so they can’t be pulled from her face? I do understand that it isn’t something you should have to do, but a short term fix whilst some longer term solutions are decided on,

I wouldn’t start by taking her out. I would start by getting very forceful in the heads office. The other child needs to be separated from your child. How the school handles that is their problem, but your child should not be impacted.

This is bullying of the highest order and is interfering with her education. It doesn’t matter if the other student has issues they are dealing with. The school still has a responsibility to protect your child.

when my dd was targeted at age 5 we didn’t have to do anything. By the 2nd incident, the school had a plan in place. The student was no longer allowed on the same side of the classroom as my child. The student no longer had transitions at the same time as the other students. This was enforced by a ta who shadowed the student in question at all times