AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

Was the child who is breaking her glasses also sent home from the trip? It would be an appropriate consequence.

Sorry but what unmet needs are related to the deliberately attacking another child and breaking their glasses? Are they assaulting everyone with glasses?
Yes school should be on it but not totally on them.

@SparklyOwls They said the child and their parents have been dealt with and consequences issues but obviously couldn't go further than that.

Well obviously the parents haven't dealt with it because they had, they would have contacted you to apologise and offered to pay for a replacement.

It clearly hasn't been dealt with due to the recurrence of events.

Also, as you're out of pocket now for an unexpected expense at this time, if it happens again, you will submit the bill to the school and they can chase the perpetrator(s) family for the payment as you're not asking the school to pay but the family of the child who is repeatedly breaking your child's glasses.
If they refuse to pass the bill along, then you can ask the school what they are planning to do about it as you have provided your child with glasses enough to get from the start of one school year to the next and this is beyond unreasonable wear and tear.

I would be requesting a meeting with the head and the parents of the child that broke the glasses. I would then invite both children in to the meeting and explain that they are never to touch her glasses again.

I would be going up the fucking wall at this. I’ve been a glasses wearer all my life. I couldn’t walk ten steps without them. When I don’t have them on I’m dizzy and just feel really vulnerable. They cost about £500 a pair, if someone did this to me I’d contact the Police.

The very last thing I would do is remove her from school. Tell the headmaster to arrange the meeting asap. Both you and your ex need to attend.

I second this, with the caveat that in this specific circumstance you'd want to experiment at home with the strong elastic ones to check that you aren't creating a risk of the glasses getting pulled away then snapping back and poking your DD hard in the eye instead.

@Smartiepants79

The other child involved clearly has some issues of their own.

Whatever is going on in their lives has to take second place to the victim!!

Exactly this! Tell them that they must move the perpetrator of these events and leave your DD where she is!

Escalate the issue up through the necessary channels (use the anti-bullying policy that should be on the school website or be provided to you on request) and don't let it stop until you get a resolution that you're happy with.

Echoing the others who say this is bullying and you need to ask about their anti bullying policy and what they are doing to keep your DD safe from the bully.

@BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD

I would very tempted to tell the school have you mentioned to the parents to pay for a new pair of glasses cause their expensive.!

Just to make a point ...

I hope if this other child did it then they are sent home too. Your oh should have been asking questions while he was still there. The parents should also be paying for the glasses and if it was my child i would have offered.
Instead of taking your child out of school (though protecting your child comes first) you need to be reading the riot act and putting in official complaints so they have to sort it.

I would tell the school you are considering taking action against them on the grounds of disability discrimination. Your daughter has very poor eyesight and balance issues without her glasses. Her glasses are thus aides to enable her to access education and other important activities. She has suffered a detriment already (missing a school trip) and her education in the classroom will be negatively impacted if she can't see the board, etc.
The school either takes whatever action it needs to ensure this never happens again to your child or you will take it further. If it transpires that the bullying child also has a disability or special needs of some kind, then again, the school needs to balance the needs and rights of both children. Yours doesn't get her rights sacrificed for the other child's.

If it was the same girl who broke them again, then I would have been insisting that the school also sent home this other girl too!

I'd also want the school to refund the trip and pay petrol for having to go and collect your DD, as this is so unfair for her, as well as her friends.

I'm the last person to go in all guns blazing but if it transpires the same child/ren are involved (and it seems a bit of a coincidence for it not to be...) I'd want it treated as a targeted assault.

It’s made me so angry reading that! Your poor DD 😞 The school is behaving very poorly indeed and seem to almost be minimising the behaviour of the other child. I wouldn’t have brought up any other pairs of glasses after the first time, I’d have been shooting up to the school and giving them a piece of my mind.

They’re failing in their duty to protect your DD. They’ve allowed the behaviour from the other child to continue because they haven’t dealt with this adequately. Knowing they couldn’t deal with this, they still let the child on the trip - whereupon they repeated their behaviour!

The other child needs to be kept away from your DD. This means them not going out at breaktime because this is when the incidents are happening. It also means that child not being allowed on trips.

Disgusting behaviour by the school.

You definitely need a meeting at school to work out how things are going to progress. If it was me, and the school were intent on doing nothing helpful, I would mention perhaps bringing the police in, as this is continuous and purposeful damage to your DD's property.

That's outrageous! Formal complaint. Escalate to governors if you don't feel the head is taking it seriously.

Has this just started happening this term? Is it a new child in the school or rearrangement of classes or something?

If a new child, it's possible the other parents don't know that your child is the victim (due to GDPR). Unfortunately my DS had a phase of lashing out at other children years ago in secondary and school would not put us in touch with the other family to attempt to apologise or anything. But if you know them you might even be able to have a productive conversation with the other parents this week while DC are away.

However in a primary school where you are all at the school gate it seems unlikely. The bullying child needs to be kept in or closely supervised at breaktimes as a minimum and followed up with support/discipline from school.

@BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD

Good point
You need to tell them the school is disability discrimination..

This is so maddening - just because glasses are fixable and replaceable doesn't mean they aren't key equipment in assisting with your child's disability. What would the school do if it was a hearing aid being pulled out and smashed? The glasses are a key component of your child's education - it's outrageous that they're being continuously destroyed like this.

It doesn't sound like enough attention is being paid to what is happening away from the direct teaching time.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I'd be livid if this was happening to my child. I'd make an appointment to see the school and say you'll be pursuing an official complaint about bullying, which I would also do.

Could the culprit's "un-met needs" possibly be that they never face any consequences for their actions?

As a glasses wearer myself I'd say it's practically an assault to break someone's glasses, it's more than just breaking your property, it's taking away your sight.

@NotMeNoNo Child is new to the school this school year, they were threatening to break my DDs glasses before Christmas but never actually managed it. Teacher said for the two incidences last week that DD was not at fault and other children in the class backed up she asked this child to go away and leave her alone both times.

I have come to realise that most people are clearly a lot nicer than me. I'd have been to see this child's parents at the school gate by now.