AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

All the above advice sounds helpful

Not what you have asked but might be helpful - these kids glasses are pretty indestructible- I have a 10 year old with severe myopia who can’t function without glasses- these have never been broken, despite many attempts by his younger sibling. If the glasses are super critical might be with a look.

https://nano-vista.com/

It's obvious that he needs much tighter supervision in school. otherwise it would be happening. You know nothing about the child. Nothing at all. All we know is that they can carry on doing what they are doing because nobody is stopping them. School should step in and never allow it in the first place. Doesn't matter why he does it at that point. But it should be prevented.

At this stage, I'd be calling the police to report the other child for criminal damage and letting the school know I'd done this. Your poor DD - why should she miss out because the other child is behaving violently and criminally towards her.

On the issue of the glasses - take the advice upthread - formal letter in stating what has happened and how this is completely unacceptable copying teacher, governors etc and requesting a meeting to discuss and sanctions - the other parents should be paying for the replacement glasses (assuming there is a cost) - send that invoice via school - their child deliberately broke them so it is their responsibility to pay ,

Re the trip - assuming you had to pay for it you should be refunded for the portion minimum that DD could not attend if not all as it's been wasted due to the other child

If the other child wasn't sent home for their actions then why not ? Why is your daughter being punished ?

I am fuming as a glasses wearing child of the past - hope your Ex has taken her somewhere very special on way back - no way does that make up though for what she has missed and how she is being treated - you need to sort this asap - big hugs to your DD

You need to call the school and demand an urgent meeting with the head. Ask where you should send the bill as 3 broken pairs of glasses in a week is totally ridiculous.

YANBU, to me it's no different to a deaf child getting their hearing aid ripped away from them and broken...

I would be raising it with the governors as a safeguarding issue. This child is targeting yours and their duty of care to her and her safety is not being upheld

The school have failed to protect your dd.

In addition to the letter suggested above, I'd be contacting your LA safeguarding hub. This is a safeguarding issue to take away her sight.

I would take her out of school and make it clear it's because the school is unable to keep her safe.
Then make an appointment with the head teacher asking what exactly they are going to be doing to make sure is never happens again (if it's the same child every time).
We had a similar problem with our child, extra staff shadowing the bully but it was not enough. We kept our child out of school and asked them
to be transferred to a different class.

Absolutely agree. This is a safeguarding issue and they are not dealing with it.
It is worth asking them where the safeguarding policy is, and also where the complaints procedure is. You can then start a complaint following the process.

Even if the child has unmet needs its bullying and the child shouldn't get away with it.
The school should be removing this child from the playground if they cannot behave.

So the school was aware that before the Christmas break, this pupil threatened your child saying they would destroy their glasses and it was only fortunate that they hadn't done it before Christmas. However since they returned to school this pupil has made good on that threat.

I'd be raising merry hell in the Principal's office and I wouldn't be afraid of who over hears the conversation.

This is as clear a case of bullying that I've ever been made aware of. They must deal with the bully and not apportion any blame to your DD.

My DM, when she realised the school and boy's parents were going to do fuck all with regards to my bully, sauntered over to him at pick up and threatened him. He left me alone after that.

Not that I advocate violence but schools often take 0 action and put the onus on the bullied kid to just avoid the bully, as if the bully doesn't just corner them or track them down when given half the opportunity to do so! Parents also often useless, thinking their sweet angel has been mischaracterised or misunderstood.

I liked a PPs suggestion of invoicing the parents for the replacement glasses and trip, unless they see the impact of their child's actions they'll do fuck all. Guaranteed

Your poor DD. I’m extremely short sighted and it’s debilitating not being able to see. Plus missing out on her trip.

I have no advice, OP, but am gutted/incensed on your DD’s behalf that SHE’S having to miss out on the trip due to the other child’s behaviour/actions. I’m so sorry — your poor DD.

Ask for their bullying policy and escalate to governors if you get nowhere with school.

So much wrong here! Your poor DD. The school has failed in its duty to safeguard your child and as a consequence, her education is being impeded. This is made worse by the fact that she has an EHCP in place!

Invoice school for the glasses.

Invoice school for the petrol cost to collect her from the trip.

Request a refund for the cost of the trip.

Copy all correspondence to the chair of governors at the school, as well as the local authority, school Senco and LA Senco.

Get a solicitor involved. This is the only way anything will change.

This happened at our school last year. A child in my class started throwing a child in the year above’s bags etc on the floor and stamping on them. He was caught once, and banned from the cloakroom for two weeks - kept his stuff in the headteacher’s office. The day the ban lifted he grabbed this child’s guitar and smashed it on the floor, then stamped on it. He was banned from using the cloakroom for the rest of the year, and we as a school had to find the money to replace the guitar.

Yes this child had needs that we were desperately trying to meet within our almost non existent budget and despite complete disinterest from his parents, but at the end of the day we couldn’t keep allowing a child to be targeted and his possessions destroyed.

I’m very understanding of the budget pressures schools are under, but in this case I really would be asking for my costs to be reimbursed and protective consequences to be put into place.

I see you already have a lot of responses, but as the parent of a child who wears glasses, I have to add my words of support.
You are NOT being unreasonable. My daughter hates it when her friends want to try on her glasses, and as parents, we understand their curiosity, but yes, it's annoying as our daughter relies on them. If I heard another child ran off with her glasses, I'd be furious. Glasses are not toys, and anyway, wouldn't the child be in trouble at school for taking anything from another child and running off with them? Add to that breaking the item? Perhaps you're questioning if you're being unreasonable because it all seems so obviously wrong yet the school is being quite blase about it?
My daughter wore a necklace to school once. It was cheap and nothing special. Another child asked to borrow it and somehow broke it. We shrugged and thought, well these things happen. Next thing you know, the other child showed up with a new necklace for our DD courtesy of their parents. We didn't expect it, but my DD was really touched.
That was an honest accident of a junky item, not a third time breaking glasses. Have you heard from the other child's parents at all??I don't know whether the other child is a bully or what's happening, but the school needs to stop it immediately. I have zero patience for the 'we don't know who did it' nonsense - find out then! Glasses are not toys. Children do not wear them for fun and schools need to teach all DC to respect that. And if another child is taking them off your DC, the school needs to address bodily autonomy too. We wouldn't expect DC to take off other children's hair bands, jumpers, etc..
You are not being unreasonable. I wonder if there should be a new thread called 'am i being too reasonable,' and if it was, I might have considered saying 'yes.'
I would be irate... I'm so sorry this is happening.

So the school was aware that before the Christmas break, this pupil threatened your child saying they would destroy their glasses and it was only fortunate that they hadn't done it before Christmas. However since they returned to school this pupil has made good on that threat.

Indeed. 3 incidents in 3 weeks and their solution is "just tell mum to run up with more spares". That's what you'd do for a 1 off accident.

This was premeditated.
Multiple times putting op's daughter in an unsafe position!

(I had bad eyesight as a child to the point I always had spare glasses with me as I couldn't see much beyond 4-5 feet without them - akin to just short of legal blindness levels so this post is giving me major anxiety!!)

I would be escalating to head immediately. This is bullying and the repeat offender needs to be managed to the point this never happens again to your DD. Ever. What will they put in place to confirm it?
Escalating to governors chair, senco, LEA jointly if no clear commitment to fix.
Invoicing parents for out of pocket expenses for glasses and the aborted residential.

I'm livid on your dd's behalf.

This is horrendous bullying that no child should have to deal with and accept. I would absolutely be taking my child out of school until it’s sorted. I don’t understand why a child wouldn’t be excluded on this basis.

Oh your poor DD, i am furious in your behalf! I constantly had my glasses taken off me when i was that age, it absolutely is bullying, and I think you need to take this seriously. Because of what I went through, when I saw my son touching the glasses of another boy when waiting in line to be collected from the classroom, i told him he is never to put his hands on anyone's face, let alone glasses, and explained why etc. He was 7, and understood fully, so this child is being nasty if it is the same one. I think the school are being very dismissive, and I cant understand why!

I voted yabu but because it shouldn't be your daughter made to leave and made to miss out on residential trip.

You removing your daughter won't help but other child absolutely needs dealt with. Is it a sen school ?

If the other parent had any decency, they'd have asked school how much the glasses cost to fix and they'd have sent on the money.