AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

Exactly my thoughts! School tried it with us "little Bebe needs to learn to move away when x approaches" 😒 similar issues with glasses being taken and stamped on.

I'd be raging! So unfair she's had to miss the school trip. I dont think it's fair to remove DD over something that's not her fault but I can absolutely understand your dilemma, pp has good advice I think

Who are these little shits repeatedly stamping on other peoples glasses? Their parents need to pay for the replacements.

I would want the other child sent home from the trip to underline the seriousness of this. They should be excluded. The school should not have taken them when they are so badly behaved that they put others in danger with their actions. The school is fully at fault here.

I would not keep her off school but I'd want a meeting with the teacher and I'd want the other child kept away from mine - not mine away from the other child. I'd want a refund for the trip and going forwards if any more glasses are broken in these same circumstances I'd expect the cost for replacements also to be covered by the school/the other child's parents. I'd want to see their policy for bullying and have it explained to me how it had been implemented following the first instance, where and why it failed to protect my child from two subsequent identiacal instances of bullying, and what changes they are implementing for the future to ensure this is the end of it.

I’m absolutely furious on your behalf! So your poor dd is missing out on a much looked forward to trip with her friends because a spiteful and nasty child is purposely breaking something she needs to function. Is the child in question being sent home too? They should certainly miss out on having fun due to spoiling it for your dd! And yes I wouldn’t be sending her back to school in a hurry!

This is ridiculous! If you are 100% positive that your daughter is doing nothing to contribute to the breaking of the glasses (i.e. it's not some sort of a game in which she's engaging), then I'd be requesting a meeting with the principal and asking for her to confirm in writing what she has done to prevent this happening going forward - I'd think the principal meeting with the parent of the child removing her glasses is necessary.

I'm furious on your behalf. Your poor DD. Once would be irritating but these things happen, but there's clearly a pattern developing here.
Aside from the cost and inconvenience of you needing to replace the glasses, as someone who is very short sighted myself, and the mother of a child who has significant visual problems I can imagine the impact on your DD of not having her glasses. Neither I, nor my DS can properly function without our glasses. I feel very vulnerable without them, for example in the swimming pool, and for a child to be put in that position deliberately and repeatedly is appalling. Ok, the kid who is doing it may not realise the impact (or care about it) but the staff should and so should be making much more effort to protect your DD. Whatever they are doing clearly isn't working. It's going to have a significant impact on her education and her well being if it isn't addressed quickly. I wonder how the school would react if a pupil was running off with the walking aids of a physically disabled child or stamping on the hearing aids of a hearing impaired classmate? It amounts to the same thing and should be taken seriously.

Yes this

I would lose my shit. Clearly the child who is doing it is not being supervised appropriately if this is happening repeatedly. And as a result of that your family are financially impacted, your daughter is being excluded from a trip she was excited for, and her ability to access education is being impacted. All of this is occurring despite the school being aware they have a duty under her EHCP plan to make reasonable adjustments for her. It’s not good enough and I’d be demanding an explanation as to why this is happening repeatedly and what they intend to do about it, including financial reimbursement for a trip you presumably paid for and replacement glasses.

P.S. for a child to be doing this age 9 is pretty shocking - they are not in reception year!

Yes they are not 4/5. 9!!! 10 is the legal age of criminal responsibility.

Yes same I’m annoyed just reading it

Thank you all for the help, had a text from ExH (who is DDs dad) that they're on their way back, and they'll have a chat in the car about it.

Will update when I've seen/spoken to DD and seen the damage.

That kid sounds like a right little shit! The school should not let that happen so many times. They sound useless

This and back up every conversation with an email or letter so that you have a record of what has been said.

I'd wait and see first. If its a residential with activities there is a chance her glasses fell off when climbing etc.

Then, if it turns out it was the same child, I'd be speaking to the school as they weren't following through on what they'd said would happen.

I'd be furious that they didn't have a plan for her not having her glasses though. It's basically discrimination

Hi OP I am so cross for you and your daughter. I hope the glasses breaking child has been sent home from the trip? To me if they have broken someones glasses twice they shouldn't have been taken on the trip. Is there any way you could super glue them so she could stay on the trip. Awful lack of behaviour management by the school. I would want to meet with the head teacher for this.

This absolutely.

I'm so sorry your daughter is having to deal with this OP

What has happened with morals nowadays? If my child broke someone elses glasses I would be apologising and paying. What is up with people?

So many threads nowadays on MN have people (parents!) justifying stealing from supermarkets, doing illegal stuff like drugs and heavens knows what else. When did so many people in this country descend into the sewer?

I feel so sorry for your daughter, she must be hurting so bad inside at this happening so often.

Ushuaia happened once to my DD in year 1. I got an extremely apologetic phone call from school. They took very seriously and contacted other child’s parents. It never happened again. I would be requesting a conversation with the headteacher and a refund on the part of the trip she missed out on.

That is ridiculous, the school needs to keep a better eye on the children they're supposed to be supervising instead of pretty much shrugging their shoulders and going "not sure what happened" especially if it's the same kid that's breaking your DCs glasses every time.

I'd be handing the bill for the glasses over to the school and insisting that either they or the child's parents cover the cost, maybe if they actually have to do something the issue will be better dealt with

This is appalling. Can you get a quick spare pair of glasses off the shelf from anywhere and send her back? There's no way she should be missing the residential.

I'm a teacher and this behaviour from other children is completely out of order. Once is bad enough but three times!

If it's the same child, I would insist that the child is removed (or support given to make sure it doesn't happen again). I wouldn't keep DD at home. why should she miss out on her education?

I'd want a few things from the school.

1. the child doing this moved to another class, unless it's a very small school with one year per age group. Then other side of the room with consequences for going over to Dd's area.
2. The parents need to be billed for the cost of the trip and the cost of having to go get Dd.
3. They need to cover the cost of another pair spare glasses for your Dd
4. School needs to stop victim blaming by saying Dd should move away, or stay away from this child.
5. Deal with this child somehow, they won't say what but the child needs to be on in school suspension or miss breaks/playtime or something. and given the warning of if they try it on again, it's suspension for a short period of time.

Inconvenience the parents and they will sort out their child.