AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

You need to insist that the issue is dealt with.
Put in a written claim for expenses from the school who have a duty of care to your child.
Your child should not suffer a loss of education or be abused while at school. Take her to school and do not leave until they show you what they have in place to protect your daughter.
I would insist that the offending child should not be within 10 metres of your DD. Involve the Police and make a report containing all details. What if your child had been injured?
It is not good enough.
The other child's parents should be informed by the Police.
They have to be made to take it seriously and their child could be suspended or expelled.

@MrsCarson 3 classes per year but this is the only just Year 5, the others are a mixed 4/5 and a mixed 5/6

Yes, this is my view too. My 9 year old and a friend downloaded books on a third child’s device at school - the whole of Harry Potter and Percy Jackson. Cost was over £100. Both of us said we’d split the cost between us but third child’s parents insisted that Amazon had refunded. Why have the other Irene’s not offered to pay? This is ridiculous.

If it turns out that it’s the same child again, rather than an accident, while I know the view is that you leave the school to deal with things, I’d have firm words with the other parents if I could speak to them after school.

Exactly this

Brilliant post

And if the school fall short I'd be going to the Governors, the LEA and fucking local groups Facebook and local newspapers. Name and shame

This is disgusting

So the culprit gets to go on the trip but the victim doesn't. Bonkers Through-the-looking-glass world we live in. In my world if this really is happening outside, the culprit would be kept in at breaks and miss the trip. And I don't mind if anyone calls me a hard bitch "because the poor little culprit has problems and needs help".

Parents not Irene’s!

I would absolutely lose my shit at this. Would they just let a child keep tipping another out of their wheelchair? Knock someone off crutches every day? Her glasses are necessary for her to see and participate in life. I am FURIOUS for you and your dd. The school need to be grovelling tbh, talk to the SENCO, the head, head of year or pastoral lead. Cc them all in to an email outlining what has happened so far and explain what you want to happen. Reassurance, consequences for the child that keeps breaking them, a meeting with their parents and head etc to discuss. Do not be passive here, it sounds like bullying. Once is (maybe) an accident you could let go but three times?! Nope

Your poor poor DD! While on the one hand, no, you're NBU, really the school should be taking ROBUST steps with the other child, and I would be going to the parents with the bills from Specsavers. I appreciate they might not have the means to pay, but they need to comprehend that this isn't just "banter" - it has actual financial consequences when their child destroys other people's property, especially glasses. I would also be looking for compensation regarding the school trip. Your child was excluded essentially because she was assaulted by another child, and the trip should be reimbursed. Might actually be covered on your family travel insurance though.

Inconvenience the parents and they will sort out their child.

couldn't disagree more. OP needs to put pressure on the school and absolutely shouldn't go after the other child.

It's not a normal behaviour on a y5 child so I recon they have unmet support needs. Also the incidents happen in school. What do you expect parents who are not present at that point to be able to do. OP needs to pressure the school, not the parents.

Yes don’t just go for withdrawing your dd op

It’s the last thing to go for, some suggestions in pp are good

I had to do similar with DS last year.

He was having problems with the same child, being pushed, hit etc. School said every time they were dealing with it but it continued.

Eventually I kept him out of school, emailed them and said he would not return to school as it was clear they could not/would not protect him and that I was seeking advice from other parties.

It put a rocket up the schools backside and it was sorted that day and never happened again.

This is disgraceful. My dd, 11, has worn glasses since she was 1, I've had to take spares once in her whole school career when they snapped after she got hit in the face with a dodgeball, a complete accident.

Surely school have a duty of care to ensure something so integral to her is not purposefully damaged? If a kid was slashing the tyres on a wheelchair I'm sure there would be huge consequences

Definitely bullying - this other child should be kept away, made to change classes etc to safeguard your child.
Also if it was something that happened at height, sounds like the bully was there at height too - I. Which case I'd be concerned that the bully should be anywhere near your child under such circumstances - what if the child decided to throw your daughter instead of the glasses

@BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD I’d have the other child’s parents paying for the new glasses. I’d be livid.

The school is enabling a bully. This is the very definition of "Several Times On Purpose"

I'd be marching in there as soon as possible to have a strong discussion about what they are going to do to stop this.

It is impacting your child's education and life in general

That is technically a disability hate crime - the consequence for doing it as described in the OP should be a suspension at minimum and some serious re-education (as in taken incredibly seriously by the school).

The bully should be removed/inclusion, not your daughter.

Not the other child but the parents.

I would be speaking to the parents. Not initially, but if this is a third incident, definitely.

I’d be hitting the school and bloody parents up for the cost of the new pair. The kid is not being suitably supervised and this is beyond a joke.

As @Lovelynames123 said, I am similar to her daughter in that I wore glasses from pre-school and broke 1 pair in my whole school life (I kneed myself in the face in gym class… yes, I should have taken them off!)

Also I find swapping to my spares a real pain as it gives me a headache - if your poor DD is having to do that while concentrating at school I can imagine it would be another hindrance among a whole host of things that are not her fault!

I have nothing to add in terms of how to resolve, but hope your daughter is back in her glasses soon and the situation is resolved!

I did have a parent speak to me about my 6 year old doing ju-jitsu moves on her Dc in the playground. She clearly felt awkward and raised it very gently with me. I much preferred that than finding out via school.

DC got a big telling off as he knew he shouldn’t be doing it, and I threatened to stop him going to the classes. Sensei warns the kids about this so he knew I meant business.

Other parent saw I’d dealt with it. Job done.

I'd inform the school that you want a meeting set up with the other child and their parents, or you'll have no choice but to approach them directly and request they re-imburse you for the cost of the glasses. Then I'd let them know that this is bullying, and to allow it to happen 3 times is negligent and if they do not put an immediate strategy in place to prevent it happening again, you will make a report to OFSTED. Definitely don't send the message to your daughter that it's up to her to sacrifice her education because of another child's actions.

Same. Why should you be out of pocket for a child who clearly can’t behave and is a bully. Sorry to hear this is happening to your daughter

This kind of thing makes me so mad! It always seems everything is geared towards protecting the bully and their victim is given no protection. I would be so angry about my child getting sent home from the trip early. I do hope the perpetrator is also being sent home.

YANBU to keep her home until they can guarantee this won’t happen again. It’s completely unacceptable.

Of course all the other advice first....God I'd be absolutely boiling. As a short term measure can you get a very secure sports strap so they can't be snatched off your child's face. I did this with DS because he liked watersports and was forever losing his glasses in the lake.