AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

Where does the op say its a specialist school?

I also can't find any mention of it being a specialist school, only that the OP's daughter has an EHCP which is of course very common in mainstream schools.

Mainstream school, not specialist.

I think the boy was sent home from the trip. None of the other parents/children I spoke to know where he went after DD was sent home. And he's not in any of the photos posted on the schools website according to DD and that includes a photo of the whole year (minus DD) just before they got on the bus to come home.

Because that's going to work so well when this girl's glasses are already gone and she can't even balance properly, let alone aim a punch. Which if you'd read the OP's updates, you'd know how bad her vision was.

Plus, there's a very high chance that she will be accused of starting it if she fights back. Source: bitter personal experience.

Stop with the victim blaming. Just stop.

I’m glad it sounds like he was sent home from the trip. It would have sent completely the wrong message to everyone if he was allowed to stay.

Hopefully the school will now be able to keep him away from your DD

If its relevant DDs SN is: Dyspraxia, Joint Hypermobility Syndrome which is particularly bad in her hips due to hip dysplasia caused by shallow sockets - she's already had a surgery on her hips to add pins but she will need a total hip replacement in the next few years. She's had two surgeries on her left eye to correct the HM that causes squints she's likely to need another as well. She also has collapsing arches in her feet which will need correcting with surgery. The glasses actually help her dyspraxia as the surgeries caused depth perception issues. She also has General Processing Issues and General Learning Difficulties.

She couldn't fight back even if she wanted to, her legs and arms wouldn't let her.

Sorry! From the description I think I must have read between the lines.
Thanks for the clarification OP.

She couldn't fight back even if she wanted to, her legs and arms wouldn't let her.

Even if your daughter had no disability bar her eyesight, she shouldn't have to fight back. She's at school and the school should be protecting her.

I strongly suspect, based on what you say about strabismus surgery, that she has prism correction in at least one eye. For the benefit of the "get her easy readers" and "can't the optician do a same-day reissue?" posters, prism puts this girl's prescription well into "lenses made at the lab, to order" territory. Prism also rules out contact lenses, as there is no way to correct for prism with a contact lens.

Source: I have prism correction for life-long strabismus.

She can’t fight back. Jesus Christ. Is there something wrong with you? Go away.

Read the OP as to why you're being ridiculous

Calm down and stop with the amateur dramatics, you’ll pull a muscle. It’s about the general principle, not necessarily this case.

But the point of this thread is about the OP's daughter, not general principles

And you're still being ridiculous

Go start your own thread about it then, telling people to teach their kids to hit back. We don’t give too many shits about your thoughts on it. This thread is about a little girl who can’t.

In reply to the victim-blamer @Alcyoneus who thinks children should be taught to fight back and called me names for refusing to endorse fighting back in a post that MNHQ have deleted:

I say again: Plus, there's a very high chance that she will be accused of starting it if she fights back. Source: bitter personal experience.

Discouraging fighting back, especially when a child has SEND, is not just about the principles of refusing to endorse vigilanteism, respecting the rule of law, refusing to blame the victim, and learning not to escalate a conflict. It's actually mostly about making sure that the victim doesn't get blamed unfairly and labelled as violent.

There are plenty of circumstances in which fighting back will make your life a lot lot harder, especially if you are disabled. An example: If someone attacks you in a mental ward or a day centre, you do not fight back, you run screaming to the nurse's station. Even if you are purely defending yourself against someone else, you will be flagged as a violent patient on your medical notes, forever, and your clinicians' first concern will be to protect themselves from you with treating you being a distant second, forever, in every healthcare setting you are ever in for the rest of your life. "Innocent until proven guilty" is a privilege that mental patients, learning disabled people, and neurodivergent people do not get. Fighting back is a privilege that mentally and physically disabled people do not get.

Not fighting back is a matter of survival for us. We need not to compromise our support service access and our health care access. Some of us die without those services.

A pointless, irrelevant word salad if there ever was one.

You need to look up the definition of word salad

Not in the least. This kid has SEND, what I've said absolutely applies to her, just as it applies to me.

You're welcome to try to rebut my actual points. Your one-line vague dismissal indicates that you don't have rebuttals to my points.

Not fighting back is a matter of survival for us. We need not to compromise our support service access and our health care access. Some of us die without those services.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia

I am not sure how that is relevant to you young girl in a school who had her glasses broken? There is a big difference between children being assertive eg saying no and adults being violent.

Tell her to fight back OP. Don’t raise your children be doormats. Teachers can’t and won’t do anything. Because these feral kids have feral parents. There is no hope for them. Your child needs to give as good as they get. And more.

The above isn't talking about children "saying no", is it? It's talking about a little girl physically fighting. It's claiming that a disabled child should physically fight back.

This is not a wise thing to train that child to do, even if she is capable of it. As I explained, fighting back in a health care or social care setting will get your record marked for life, against which there is no appeal.

The little girl already did say "no", and rightly. I have not at any point said that she shouldn't be taught to say no. No is the most word that a girl can ever learn.

She’s a little girl with SN which affects her physically as described by her mother. If the perpetrator is a fit and healthy same age boy he’d be able to annihilate her physically. Life isn’t a 90s film.

Apparently my fingers aren't linked properly to my brain today. I meant:

"No" is the most important word that a girl can ever learn.

I think some people have mistaken Buffy's supernaturally-enhanced Slayer strength for women's and girls' reality.

DD came out of school today with a card from the boys parents. Saying sorry and offering to pay to replace them.

That’s a very nice update. They are decent people.