AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

Did the parents hand it in to the school? Did the boy give it to DD himself? If the parents handed it in to the school it seems very inappropriate to give the letter to DD to hand to her parents. If the boy gave it to DD......? MMMMMMM...???? I'm dubious that would have happened.

@DeeLusional I don't know, DD came out with it and theres a phone number on it, I've put the number into whatsapp and it comes up with a photo of a woman and 2 boys, one looks to be around DDs age so it could well be genuine.

how are you going to respond? I would thank her for the apology and say you’ll send her the bill once you have it.

@BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD that's a nice gesture.

Nice gesture, or the very least they can do? It may not be their fault that their son has targeted the OP’s daughter this way, but it is up to them to sort it out. Paying for the glasses is a good start.

Have you responded to their message?

I sent a whatsapp saying I'd recieved a card saying sorry with this number on and I believe it was related to an incident last week but didn't put what it was in relation to in case it wasn't the mother.

She messaged back "I'm so sorry I think my (boys name) might have broken your childs glasses. I wasn't told whether it was a boy or a girl, either way I hope he or she is ok. If there's a cost to replace them let me know".

So it's genuine.

Well that's good OP. I'd suggest you take her up on the offer to replace and tell her the cost. If the parents are taking it seriously and apologising the there's a good chance they are trying to address the behaviour of their son.

Well done that parent! Decent and the right thing to do 👏

Good for her for being proactive. It sounds like she might not be aware that it was actually three pairs of glasses, not one…

That's good! A parent that accepts there was an issue.
I would write back with a factual post. It was 3 pairs, one on the trip, and as there were no spares around, due to the other 2 breakages, she had to leave the trip early. Thanks for the offer, I'll forward the invoice in etc etc. Don't bring dd and her emotion into it though. Parent can come to those conclusions.

That’s the correct thing for her to have done.

Personally, I would only ask her for the replacement cost of one pair.

The first pair: kids will be kids, these things happen, it’s life.

The second pair: ugh, really? Well, they’re not that old, some children need to be told more than once.

Third pair: that’s enough now. Consequences. I’m not made of money and I’ve given you enough chances.

As a parent to much older children: take the long view, and don’t think your own children would never (because they will - maybe not this, but something). Respond in kind, it helps set standards and expectations and a culture amongst parents and staff alike.

I explained to the mum that it was a very new pair that needed replacing and I'd been unable to get a voucher due to us getting so many pairs within 6 months as they kept getting broken at school. She replied saying she knew he'd broken at least 1 pair before the trip but wasn't told it was the same child and she thought the second incident was most likely him tripping up - which again doesn't excuse it.

She's explained that the boy has a diagnosis and what those are (not my place to say here what it is), it does go some way to explaining but she said it doesn't excuse it and school are working with her to prevent it ever happening again. She's given me the full amount for the 3rd breakage plus a bit on top, told me to go and buy DD her favourite sweets or crisps as an apology from them.

I am satisfied it's sorted and I believe school will work with them to stop it happening again. As I said before I do like the school, and the headteacher, they've always been supportive and very flexible when it comes to adjustments including little things that you wouldn't even realise make such a difference to DD and her conditions (such as her getting first pick of the seats on the bus when they go on trips, her allowed to eat her lunch in her classroom with a friend so she doesn't have to worry about being knocked or needing to ask for help - friend helps with packaging, and they're supervised).

Fantastic update. Sounds like this is being well handled by everyone involved so hopefully it won’t ever be repeated. It really makes all the difference

Really good to hear, and lovely that the mum is doing her best to make up to you even if a significant part of the blame is school's.

Fingers crossed school are properly on the case now and you won't have any further trouble.

Yes they can. They'll need to add her details to the database, but they'd need to do that to order the glasses anyway. Then there's a button on the bottom left of the customer details screen that says "customer look up" and it will bring up all previous prescriptions. The name does have to match so if your daughter is Sam on one branch and Samantha on the other it won't work.

They would have to contact them original branch to obtain voucher codes, but that's not an issue here - and it's a really common thing to do so shouldn't be a problem anyway.

I'd be furious. Maybe a formal complaint about all the times these glasses have been broken and tell them you want something done about it. I'd even threaten about going to the police re this bullying.

Nice to read a decent update. At least you know the parents are trying. Which is half the battle.

Specsavers are franchises, that will affect what data sharing can be done between franchisees.

They're franchises, but they can still look up previous prescriptions from other franchises.

Thanks for the update. Glad the mum has owned it and also part of me feels sad that she and yourself have to go through this because of lack of funding in the schools. No child should be unprotected in the schools and unsupported with their requirements.feels like the system is letting you both down.

The police wouldn't do anything given that this is down to a child with SEN.

I agree. If the boy concerned had the proper support, none of this would have happened and the mother wouldn't now be looking at forking out for the glasses. I hope the school fully supports her in getting an adequate EHCP for her son.