AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

Agree.

My mother did exactly that. She told the school off for allowing the boy near .me after the 3rd time and told the parents she would be billing them and it never happened again. I think this is something you need to be guns blazing

This is horrendous. Poor child! It’s the nasty little shit breaking her glasses who should be removed from your daughter’s classroom and airspace, not her!
I hope if any expense has been incurred to repair the glasses, the bill is going straight to the little toad’s parents.

I have a child who.also wears glasses and needs them to see and has broken them had them broken more times than I can remember . So i compleatly understand your frustration around this issue but other than expelling the other child wich let's be honest is very unlikely to happen I really don't see how the school can be expected to have eyes on your daughter all the time and would your daughter appreciate that level of close monitoring ?? The other child could also have sen . And if your daughter enjoys school taking her out could potentially do more harm than broken glasses. I know it's a cost but you have the option to buy a second pair of glasses at specsavers it may be worth looking into and possibly leave them at the school so that if any incidents do occur she isn't without any.

The school don’t need to keep eyes on the innocent victim, they need to keep the perpetrator away from her.

UANBU should be the other child being returned home not your DD if they are responsible. WTF have staff not been intervening sooner after the first thing. The child's parents should be paying to replace them not you.

This child is bullying yourself and I would be livid. My dd1 can't see without her glasses. I would want the cost of them to be covered and also a refund for the trip. I would also want this child moved to another class and more adequate supervision on the playground. School has a duty to keep your child safe so she can learn, bit hard to do if she keeps getting her glasses broken on purpose by another child and can't see. I would book in a face to face meeting and say you are unhappy about the way school have been handling this and want measures in place before you escalate further.

Was just about to type this!

This is absolutely disgusting. Your poor daughter!
I would be going to the school and demanding a meeting immediately and to know what they be putting in place.
For this to happen just once is unacceptable, let alone three times. They know there is an issue with this girl, there should be more supervision.
I would be demanding a reimbursement for the time she isn't able to be on the trip, due to something they should have had complete control over!

I would ask the school and the child’s parents to fund your daughter’s new glasses. Their lack of support from them has led to this.

I would not take out DD but ask school to remove the problematic child.

I’m furious for you and upset for your DD. You need to make a nuisance of yourself at the school, demand a meeting, demand action. It’s not ok, but in my opinion, schools will ignore parents who are polite and reasonable. They only listen when you make it clear you won’t back down.

That’s my experience, don’t come for me please, school support staff and teachers of Mumsnet.

The bully needs to be moved to another class . Send the bill for the glasses and part of the cost of the residential to the school as they have allowed this to happen.

I wonder what would happen of your daughter were to destroy a classmates wheelchair - and the spare one too? Interesting thought isn't it.

Obviously you need to wait to hear what happened on the trip but I don’t think a child who deliberately broke someone’s glasses twice in the space of a week should have been allowed on the trip.

You're being very calm and sensible, despite no doubt being livid! Better person than me.

Your poor DD having her trip ruined by this bully.
I wouldn't keep her home, why should she miss out on her education when she's done nothing wrong?

You've had lots of great advice on how to escalate. I have nothing to add, just wanted to show solidarity.

Kick up a huge fuss but only take your daughter out of school if that's in her best interests and that's what she wants. Why should her learning suffer and her friends not see her because she is being bullied? That's not fair. I would see if the optician can do another emergency pair.
Speaking as someone who suffered similar to your daughter but in secondary school.

Definitely don't keep your dd off school! Why should she miss out. You need to look at the schools complaints procedure and follow that. We don't know yet though if the glasses have been damaged by the same child.

Don't threaten the child or parents at the school gate whatever you do! You could end up banned from the school gate otherwise.

I think you should be presenting the school with the bill for the new glasses. They can pay it or pass it on to the bully's parents. I hope you are not out of pocket for the school trip.

I'd be taking the safeguarding angle with school and asking what they are doing to ensure my child is safeguarded when in their care because the repeated issues suggest they're not keeping her safe.

I'd probably also keep my child off until after the meeting has happened because until the issue has been addressed I'm unable to be satisfied about my child's safety and wellbeing.

At the very least, ask them to repay any money you paid for the trip. They knew about this problem, and didn't manage to keep your daughter or her glasses safe. The fact that she had to come back is 100% down to them.

@BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD oh my goodness, I really feel for you as my DD1 is registered blind and her glasses are a vital lifeline as she has only a tiny amount of functional vision. Her glasses cost me an arm and a leg (usually circa £300 and they need changing every three to six months). DD’s glasses did break during her Y6 residential but her teachers did an emergency fix with gaffer tape so she didn’t miss out.

This should never have been allowed to happen and most definitely not for a second or third time; this sounds like targeted bullying. If it is the same child responsible, I would be asking school to call a meeting with the other child’s parents and be asking for them to pay the costs of repairs and replacements.

I'm so sorry. Within the last month someone on here claimed children nowadays are tolerant of differences and don't bully other children because of them. I hoped that was true, feared it wasn't.

Your poor DD, she's so vulnerable when she can't see properly. Do what you have to to protect her.

Is the child doing it a child with additional needs?
I would take the line with the school that they are in loco parentis and not protecting your child, even if the other one has difficulty understanding how they should behave. They need to solve that problem - although they probably are trying to, but can't discuss this with you. If you withdraw DC from school temporarily they'll just go the unauthorized absence route though you could contact the local authority education and inclusion team and/or academy trust to ask for help.

Oh my goodness I am filled with rage on your behalf. Your poor daughter.

I’m sorry but the school needs to do more and I would be asking for financial compensation from the child’s parents!

I think your best options are following the school’s formal complaint procedures, writing to your LA SEN team to raise concerns about the school exclusion (on the trip). If the school doesn’t follow up, raise a safeguarding concern with the LA.
If you keep her off it can be buried as a ‘you’ problem .
Your poor dd, missing the trip and spending any time without clear vision. As a glasses wearer it would genuinely distress me even at home m. You need to get that across, it’s not even just school. The emotional impact of days without vision is significant