Another stepchildren & bedrooms one…

[ProbablyAmy]

DH and I have 3 children between us, aged 15, 14 (his) and 9 (mine).

My 9 year old DD is with us full time, except every other weekend when she stays with her dad. DPs children stay with us 50/50.

We have moved into a house that needs extensive renovations. Originally the house had 4 double rooms, but because we now need to move a wall, it will be 3 doubles and one single. DP had already promised his children the bigger rooms (except ours) and I didn’t mind so much because my DD still had a double room with enough space for her things. I did warn him though that we shouldn’t be promising bedrooms until the renovations got under way.

However, now that one of the rooms is a single, it will not comfortably fit DD. She will need a single bed (fine), but then a single wardrobe, no room for a chest of drawers or desk. She has lots of books, soft toys, Lego and loves to draw, there will be no room to do any of this comfortably in her bedroom. My argument is that one of the teenagers should have the single room as:

• they are only here half the time.
• they don’t have as much stuff as DD.

DP is resistant as his argument is that DD had a much smaller room at my old house (this is true, but she still had toddler furniture which was unsuitable and I would’ve had to move soon!) He’s also backed himself into a corner with his teens and feels they will be annoyed because he’s already promised them larger rooms. He even said if I was suggesting swapping rooms that I should be the one to break it to the teens!

FWIW, I would feel the same if it was the other way round and DPs children were here full time and mine only here 50/50.

If your internal walls aren't structural and the floorpan allows, I'd look at moving 2 walls instead of 1 so that you:

1. take the space for the bathroom from bedroom 1 (although agree that having a bath isn't solving any problems for you)

2. then move the wall between bedroom 1 and 2 so that the space is split evenly and bedrooms 1 and 2 are the same size

Seems like a non-issue tbh. Many siblings cohabitate in the same place and it's a privilege to not to have to.

I think your step sons should obviously share the same double room. They'll fuss initially, but they'll get over it eventually

Can you go into the loft?

Add a Jack and Jill bathroom between to two boys bedrooms as well as enlarging the main bathroom so 2 bathrooms and 3 single rooms?

A second bathroom in a house of 5 is much better than one bigger bathroom.

Remove the chimney breast if you have one, you can gain a lot of space with this.

If you take space out of your DD's room, can you claw some of that back by putting built in wardrobes that take space out of another bedroom etc, so you're evening the sizes of the rooms.

There are loads more ideas to try before changing your house from a 4 double bedroom, 1 shower room to a 3 double bedroom, 1 single, 1 bathroom and I would explore every option before making that change.

We need a floor plan @ProbablyAmy

Then can suggest ideas

Not sure if you or someone else said about dd having tits /playroom
Downstairs

If that is an option cs that be a larger downstairs bedroom for one of the boys

Toys not tits ffs 😂

@DuchessPotato So sorry if I misunderstood, but your child only stayed at dads occasionally, but wanted the best room?

I think it's very entitled to demand the best room when you only stay a couple of nights a month 🤯🙄 Surely you educated them about that ridiculous demand?

Do you pay 50/50 on the house? If so explain to him that he is getting a MUCH better deal than you. He gets half the master, plus 2 double bedrooms for his kids. You get half the master and a single room. Surely he can see this is very unfair. As an outsider looking in I would say the fairest split is that the boys get a double and a single, which they can swap between every year. And then your daughter gets a double room.

Entitlement for the ones not living there full time is ridiculous.

I'd say a second bathroom and refurbished family one would be better anyway.

Share a floor plan, plenty of us are used to development stuff on here.

Or can the boys share a double room to sleep, then set up the single room as a gaming room for them?

This may be a totally ridiculous suggestion in terms of cost and value but could you have three singles/smaller doubles and a second bathroom, or even three (one ensuite for the master, one family and one show room).

Seems like a lot of people and teenagers for one bathroom

Either you make the shower room work - wet room, small/corner basin or loo, or he has to have a grown up conversation

how can you even be attracted to someone so unable to ‘adult’

the house shouldn’t even have been bought tbh, and even then it would be absolutely clear at point of purchase that the bathroom would come at the expense of a bedroom

Can you fit a double bed into the smallest bedroom, if nothing else is there? If so I'd put one of the boys in there with a TV on the wall. All wardrobes for the boys to go into the other bedroom. Your daughter should get a decent sized room.

IMO teenage boys don’t need big rooms….we have 3 teen DS at home and 1 teen DD. Teen DD has the biggest room because she has desk, make up desk, lots more clothes, make up, hair styling stuff…just ‘stuff’ in general. All teen DS sit on their beds to game/use laptop etc so they don’t need the space as much. None of them are bothered because they’re out with mates most of the time anyway.

I think your DD should have the biggest room, she’s still of an age to ‘play’ in her bedroom. Your DP should break the news to the teens because he shouldn’t have told them they were going to get the biggest rooms in the first place.

How big are the boys? How tall is your husband? Your daughter is 9, most likely quite small as most female 9 year olds are. 14/15 year old boys tend to grow rapidly during the years of 14-18 so chances are they won't fit in a single bed so if the option is to stick one of them in the small room because they 'only stay' 50% of the time, not because they live there 50% of the time, you are being unreasonable. Your daughter will fit in a single bed for a long time yet.

What size rooms do they boys have in their mum's house and what size room does your daughter have at her dad's?

I'm sorry your DC had a tough time, and that his Dad didn't make more of an effort to create a second home for him, but size of room is surely only one factor in that.

Regardless of renovations, the child who lives there the most should have the biggest room.

And it's ridiculous of a PP to say teenage boys won't fit into a single bed 😂A lot of university halls only have single beds. How will the poor boys cope!

Double beds are hardly completely standard for teenagers, are they?

@DocOck
my 6 foot2 boyfriend and I happily shared a single 😂

A lot of university halls only have single beds.

And a lot of students manage to fit two people in that pretty regularly!

Could you cut a deal with the boys?

share big bed room and have the small bedroom as a gaming lounge?

Exactly!

I did too with my boyfriend when I was 18 and we used to stay at each other's parents houses. We did that until we were 22!

I'd get a cabin or loft bed for your DD so she has room for a desk or to play under. I'd also tell the boys now, that when the eldest moves out to Uni, that DD will inherit the room, and they'll swap, as part of the 'double room now' deal.

Wild idea but how about asking the kids? We are in 3 bed, 2 double rooms and a tiny box room. One of my sons asked for the box room and planned it all out himself. A wardrobe for hanging thing and ikea box shelvy things (kalax?) and he has loads of storage for 3 tons of lego etc