AIBU to think 2 hours of Fortnite after school is a lot for a just Year 8 DC?

[likesandlikes]

I think 1.5 hours is more than enough but apparently 'everyone' allows their DC way more.

Interested to know facts from others (not judgments etc)

@Diorama1 you are right it is replacing real play - I do genuinely find it interesting reading so many varied views but I think there is a bias on mumsnet of people describing the more positive end of the spectrum

so - kids who game but fit in the rest of life fine.

There is clearly a knock on impact on real life play - allthis talk about dark evenings - what about weekends? It was bright and sunny where we live all weekend and let's be real plenty of kids will have chosen the warm cosy living room and play station over being a bit cold and running about - but in the long run, better for them to run about outdoors a bit more.

It's how kids socialise these days, particularly when the weather is so dark and cold.

It's how adults let their children socialise. Adults should be in charge. If you don't want your children to socialise this way you can stop it.

The weather has always been dark and cold in the winter. People managed to entertain themselves anyway.

This

I often here my kids chatting away while gaming, watching something.
Far more sociable than sitting in their room alone, especially when it is dark at 4pm!
Also we often have their friends in, and then they all sit and play together,

I think 2 hours is fine as long as the child is doing other interests and is regulating their emotions around gaming.

And how do you stop it without alienating your kid from their peers?

My lad was recently on a games ban after he stopping regulating his emotions about gaming again. He was isolated from his peers most of that time in his spare time. I kept saying to him why don't you call for your friends but none of his friends wanted to go out because they all were playing Fortnite.

Its their way of socialising. Its not really about playing the game. They're playing with their friends. My 9 yr old is probably on longer than that, but obviously doesn't have homework to do ! So I would say, homework first and then , does it really matter?

It all depends 'how' they're playing with their friends to me. Mine play really nicely, no swearing and they're clearly socialising. I have no probably with it at all.

As others have said, it all depends what else they're doing. As long as they're getting plenty of physical activity through the week, then a couple of hours gaming with their mates won't do them any harm. If gaming is their only interest though then it'd be more of a concern. Our Y8 plays a couple of hours most nights, but mainly after coming home from sports activities.

1.5 hours per night?

My word, where do they get the time? with activities and homework, my kids are pretty busy from school to bed time.

It's a case of balance in my opinion. My DS is 12 and could easily spend his entire free time on his Xbox. Although sociable, it doesn't seem healthy to me to do only one thing with your free time, whatever it is.

He'll generally have 2 days in the week where he's on the Xbox from when he gets home until he goes to bed (3:30-9:30). He'll be on WhatsApp and phone calls during that time too. Then an average of 3 hours per day every other day.

For balance: 2 days a week he has activities/clubs after school, and may not go on the Xbox at all.

He's out with friends or at sleepovers frequently, and we have family time or outings in a normal week too.

He spends around 10 hours a week drawing and working on art pieces, and probably a similar amount on reading.

I would happily replace some of the screen hours with more time spent doing physical activities, for balance, but he hates all sports! I've tried to push him into taking one up, and he chose sword fighting, so that left me a bit stuck. Yes, I did suggest fencing. No, he wasn't keen.

So no room for your kids to learn to be bored either then.

yes they do have time for that - but I just don't know where a child would find a full 1.5 hours per night to mess about on a console?

6 hours gaming per night, on two school nights per week?!

Activities from school, homework some nights, not all. So maybe fit it in after dinner? 6.30-8pm a couple of times a week?

I suppose that depends on what their friends want to so. Perhaps they'd be happy to do a on-screen activity with your child?

But my point was really that it's no good to just shrug your shoulders and say "that's what life is like now" because it's up to us as a community to decide what life should be like for us and our children.
We don't have to buy/use every new piece of technology that profit making businesses bring out. We can choose whether to use these devices, or not.

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I don't really mind game time.
I'm a gamer. Always have been since the day PS1 was released. It's how I relax and wind down.

I'm a successful functioning adult at director level. It's not done me any harm and as long as her homework is done and reading is also happening then I can't get worked up about it.

Some children can’t regulate their screen time or emotions due to gaming but a lot can.

Some children hanker after it more because it’s restricted and will cram in every minute.

Some flit on and off of games.

It all depends on each child, but making out gaming stops all children’s being this or that is silly. Just because your child would just become lazy or over emotional doesn’t mean others would. Some people have addictive personalities others don’t.

My brothers friends used to bring their consoles around to my parents house to all game “together” before you could co-op and host. My brothers in a bloody decent paid job. My mum always used to say, I know where my 15 year old is, and his not out there causing trouble on the streets or smoking weed and getting pissed up in a park, his upstairs with his mates gaming. He also used to take dance club and drama club.

I think there is a huge issue where parents don’t regulate gaming and associated spin offs that they know are changing their dc. Turning a blind eye to dc who begin to exhibit behaviour issues is problematic for the future.

My DN by y7 was spending 9 hours a day on gaming in the holidays. Not all was gaming. My DCs noticed it was watching others gaming on U tube. Basically screen time was through the roof. So why did this happen? Patents not taking dc out of the house enough. DS refused to go
out sometimes. No sport or any running around at all. No friends other than a couple of gamers - other dc seemed to take a wide berth. Other kids were out with parents on bikes and doing much more. No other out of school activities at all.

Excessive gaming was baby sitting. Also parents not dealing with tantrums when asked to leave equipment. So they increasingly didn’t bother. The girls in the family never got a look in. All meals were scoffed and no social skills developed at all. School was unhappy about homework not being done. This then lead to exclusions for cheeky behaviour and thinking he was funny. GCSEs way below sats results at y6. A levels even worse so no uni. No job until a few weeks ago - now 20.

Parents: regulate gaming. Don’t use it as babysitting and don’t think it’s harmless. It could be in moderation. 9 hours a day is a worry. In my view.

Yeah, I used to spend it on the phone to friends while watching music TV, now they spend it on headsets talking to friends while playing games with them. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

How many people who are aghast at the thought of 90 minutes of computer time with friends actually have y8 kids? Are you the same people who are carrying on about how difficult teens are while you make mountains out of molehills and micromanage their lives?

My 10yo has a one hour limit on gaming after school

How do we expect our kids to suddenly self regulate later in life if we have had so much control, they never learnt the skill for themselves?
I don't think it works like that. There are plenty of things we don't tend to let children learn to self-regulate and as adults we are perfectly capable of doing so.

For me it depends if he's chatting with friends on it. For ds in the winter it's his way of socialising in the evenings so I'm not so bothered, as long as school work etc is done. In the summer he plays much less because he's out more. (He is year 10 though so I'm maybe looking at it slightly differently)

But why? When I was that age I would watch loads of TV and chat to my friends on the phone in the evenings. Is there a difference between that and playing a game whilst chatting to friends?
Ds still plays sport, goes to the gym, enjoys cooking, plays games with us, is doing D of E etc etc - as long as it's not ALL they do then what's the problem? He does a much wider range of activities than I did at that age.

@mamaduckbone It is undeniable that many dc don’t do anything else but screens. For those who do lots more, of course it’s not an issue. When dc do not do anything else and parents make little effort to reduce gaming it definitely is an issue. That parents are ok with tantrums, poor school results and no homework being done because dc rule the roost is poor lazy parenting but not unusual. It is an addiction.