AIBU to think 2 hours of Fortnite after school is a lot for a just Year 8 DC?

[likesandlikes]

I think 1.5 hours is more than enough but apparently 'everyone' allows their DC way more.

Interested to know facts from others (not judgments etc)

In all honesty I don't recognise your description with my own DC. There doesn't seem to be any 'lure' about computer games anymore than all the other things they like. And all of my 11yo Dd"s gaming is social. Her older 16yo brother is more of a mix. I can't say gaming replaces being bored as they both have plenty of other things they enjoy - reading, arts and crafts, instruments, sports, board games. Both are very creative in different ways.

I wonder whether it is that you demonise gaming which makes it such a lure for your DC? As another poster says those DC that have strict limits tend to be obsessed with playing every last minute they can. But those that don't just see it as one option out of many others so won't often play for as long as those with limits.

Gaming only on weekends. Weekdays a bit of tv is allowed after school as a break. All devices are put away Sunday night and taken out for Friday evening. Gaming had increased since pandemic and we had to put down some ground rules. DC did have withdrawal symptoms but we worked through them and found activities to fill the boredom. No whatsapp after 5 pm. This helps others inviting them for gaming. Although there is a bit of messaging after school which is allowed for socialising.

Why is the passive medium of watching television seen as a more benign form of entertainment than playing computer games socially with friends and co-operatively working out tactics and strategies of gameplay?

I really do think this parental fear of boredom starts in very early childhood, and it does nobody any good.

I'm perfectly relaxed with my kids being bored but I don't see that much value is gained by engineering it.

Mine didn't, they had homework as a priority, followed by other sports and activities. That said, I am aware that for many, this is not the case

@Desecratedcoconut I think it tv is now a lot more interesting and educational if chosen well.

My only problem with gaming is the additive nature. I find kids who engage it on a daily basis almost become dependant on it and it frustrates them to not be on the device even for brief periods. My friend's son rushes through homework (bare minimum just a tick in the box) and dinner so he can spend as long as possible on his tablet. Gaming really takes over his life.

Although I can't stop it I have restricted it to weekends and holidays purely for the social aspect of joining friends and discussions around it.

This isn't the same as moral panic around rock roll etc -it's an absolutely massive societal shift that is seeing children's lives move from the streets where they lived - where they played out for hours even as recently as a generation ago - to being online/gaming for hours - which is sedentary and is being led/ directed by massive tech companies

the reality is children's growing bodies need to move - and hours of gaming is quite clearly restricting that. Maybe everyone on this thread has a lovely balance of sports / art/ gaming - that is clearly not the reality in every house in the UK.Many kids are spending far too much time on screens from a very young age

My question was around the difference between TV and computer gaming, neither are renown for getting a sweat on.

I am an outlier in my friend group in that I restrict screen time. They are allowed to game 3 x 30mins a week so 1.5 hrs in total a week. It is occasionally a bit more but would rarely be more than 2 hours a week. Phone time is also restricted as is tv. DD 16 has no interest, the boys are 12 and 14. 12 year old doesnt have a phone. They manage to have friends despite not being on screens. I just had DS14 parent teacher meeting last night and all teachers said he has loads of friends and is well liked. They don't game on line with friends at all.

Its replacing other activities, many times my DS12 has asked his friends to come out to play football and they say no as they are playing FIFA! Seriously what parent thinks it preferable for a child to play football on line than in reality?

I restrict is as I realised my children find it difficult to transition from screen and I would prefer them to engage in other activities. Screens are so addictive especially fortnite. I used to be more relaxed until we went to holiday to Spain a few years ago and on about the 2/3 day in, the boys were asking how long was left on the holiday as they wanted to get home to play fortnite. When we got home I cancelled the online gaming subscription and put stricter limits in.

I coach sports and the amount of children I have wrecked tired at training because they were on their screens half the night is frightening. Parents need to start parenting, allowing hours on screens is a cop out, its easy but it isnt the best for your child.

@Desecratedcoconut I restrict both but do allow more TV time. My children dont have a difficulty transitioning from TV to other activities the same way they do from gaming so clearly for them, it is having a different effect on their brains.
I think it is the interactive element of gaming that draws them in and consumes their attention. They are engrossed in it in a way that doesnt happen with TV.

My children watch a lot of documentaries and so a lot of their tv time is educational.

I don't restrict screen time as I find it makes them fixate on it, if I let them have their devices they will flit between those and other things in the Winter. In the summer I have a job to get them in from outside playing football and basketball so its swings and roundabouts. Also if I'm honest, they see me on various screens all day long - either working, doing some online banking on the ipad, looking up recipes on my phone, logging my meals etc into my fitness app blah blah blah. I can hardly, in good conscience, say no to them but yes to me. As long as they are getting their homework/reading done and aren't rude/badly behaved then I'm good with whatever they like to do.

Do any of these kids gaming for two or more hours an evening read a book, take part in a club, watch TV, sit and chat with family? It all sounds really grim. A generation of zombies.

It’s surely preferable to socialise face to face no? I fear to think of the impact of these violent games.

The OP's child isn't an 8-year-old. He's in Year 8 at school, so he's 12 or 13.

Yes of course, 13 year olds aren't being packed off to bed at seven. There's as much time out of school as in school once it's finished.

When I was a kid, the imaginative games boys played face-to-face in the playground or in the street were invariably violent. It was usually either war, police shootouts or alien invasions. Almost all kids owned toy guns and plastic swords and those plastic knives where the blade retracts so it looks like you're actually stabbing someone when you poke them with it. Toy soldiers and Action Man were in daily use. Children have always been interested in this stuff and mostly turn out perfectly fine.

I don't see an issue with a couple of hours of fortnite a night. It's a way for kids to socialise with their friends, in the same way that me and my friends got around a table and played Dungeons and Dragons for a couple of hours most nights, or Goldeneye on the N64, with four of us sat staring at a tiny little TV.

By limiting it, all you're doing is limiting time spent with his friends. Its not the game that he feels he's missing out on, its the fact that he knows his friends are on there chatting and he's being left out.

Yes it sucks that so much of kids time is spent socialising online than in person these days, but I'd be far more interested in cutting down on his tiktok time than when he's playing with his friends, even if it is virtual.

When I was young (nineties), I has a chronic fear of boredom. I used to find stuff to do fine, jigsaws reading etc.

I'd have my nose in a book 90% of my waking non school hours. Incredibly antisocial, at the expense of playing out, not kicking a ball around etc.

Yet that's not vilified. My kids chat more to their friends than I ever did, via games and WhatsApp etc. I'm a very content, social happy person who struggled being bored, just I happened to fill in my time with stuff that would be seen as more virtuous (books etc) than what kids choose now.

I wasn't even reading Tolstoy or Austen. Just utter tripe. But no one ever judged that. And people would gladly brag about how their kids are bookworms etc.

My year 8 DS comes home from school and gets on his headset once he has finished any homework.

It's how kids socialise these days, particularly when the weather is so dark and cold.

He does choir after school one day a week and athletics on a Sunday morning.

He hates reading.. I have tried and tried but he just doesn't enjoy it, and so I'm not going to force him to do something he hates. He likes to draw anime and is top set at school for everything.

All screens are switched off before 9pm and his phone has to be brought downstairs overnight.

Not sure what else the pearl clutchers suggest a 13 year old boy do during the winter months tbh. I'd far prefer him to be in his bedroom chatting and playing with his mates than hanging about the streets 🤷‍♀️

My DS (15) is on a school sports team. He has practice once a week after school and matches on Saturdays. He's also doing GCSE PE so plays a fair amount of sport in school.

He goes to a club another evening and always has a book on the go. He doesn't like watching TV alone so we have a couple of shows we watch together. He's also quite a good cook and will cook and bake.

I'd prefer him not to spend two hours gaming. But between him getting in just after 3 pm and going to bed at 10 pm, there's time to do homework, empty the dishwasher, go to a club, read a book and game.

And as a single parent working full time, I have to trust him to get on with stuff because I can't hover over him. He is actually pretty good at managing his time.

Also to add, one of my closest friends limits her sons screen time massively, and has him signed up for activities pretty much every day of the week after school and the weekend.

Whenever he comes over to ours he's tired, pale and rundown. He's ill regularly and off school a fair bit. He's also quite grouchy which I attribute to him being knackered half the time!

I know my friend wants the best for him ( as we all do with our DC's), but this need to be making him 'do stuff' constantly is too much IMO.

I remember being knackered after school when I was a teen and just wanting to flop in front of the tv watching Dangermouse and playing on my Game&Watch!

There's too much guilt attached to parenting these days. Parent as you see fit and don't concern yourself with what other people are doing.

It depends on whether essential things aren't being done because they're playing, rather than the actual time they spend on it, IMO.

My yr8 son comes home and plays for a bit before dinner. Eats, then does H/W, bag packed for next day, sports if its a training night. If not then he'll go back to playing till bedtime.

Some kids do play late. Our cut off is around 8.30/9pm to then get ready for bed. I suppose the point I'm making is, if it disrupts school work, meals, outside hobbies or sleep, it's too much time.

I can't get worked up about it. My ds does sports two nights a week, goes to his dads another night. So on his two free nights I'm happy for him to game or watch tv or scroll Tik Tok. It's his downtime. And actually Fortnite and other games are pretty social these days, it's nice to hear him laughing and chatting with his mates.

I don't get why people get so hung up on screen time. I mean obviously if it's all your kid does then it becomes a problem but if they have balance with other activities, they're sociable, doing ok academically then why over analyse the time they spend doing something they enjoy just because it happens to be on a screen? Do we obsess over our own phone usage as much?

I don’t see how it can ever be pushed back now sadly. We have built our lives around it- pretty much all of us. Shopping and most items can be delivered now and this is just going to increase and increase meaning more and more vans on the roads. What’s worse is that now they are electric and you can’t even hear them coming. Really is quite worrying.