To find it unfair that my DH doesn’t seem to want me to work?

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Slightly complex situation here.

I work full time as a teacher. To cut a long story short, it isn’t really working for me- long hours, tough conditions and three small children that I hardly ever see. I’m hoping to leave at Easter. Having gone from doing everything round the house as a SAHM for a few years, my DH has found it hard that now he has to pick up his share of pick ups etc. DH is happy at the thought of me quitting my job.

We’ve got a holiday cottage that I’d like to run instead of teaching. I think I can make it work around the children a bit more, and I’ll be able to do most of the pick ups and drop offs. All fine.

However, there’s a part time job that I’ve seen advertised and that I’d really like to try doing. Its museum work. It’s 28 hours but over a rota of 7 days. My DH really doesn’t think I should go to the interview (which is next week) as he thinks it won’t make our lives easier and that I should just stick to cleaning and running the holiday cottage.

I can’t help feeling that he just wants things to be easier for him, and for me to revert back to doing all the pick ups and drop offs. He doesn’t earn loads so the part time wage that I could bring in might help us financially. He just says I change my mind a lot, and that I’m frustrating.

He can cut his hours then. If not why not.

You don’t need his permission - go for the interview. If you get the job he will have to do his share at home.

Job sounds great, a new career departure AND running a small business- go for it!

Museum work sounds amazing… go for the interview and see how you feel. With the cost of living crisis a second reliable income is a safe bet.

He can either get a better paying job or suck it up princess!!

I can see both sides of this.

A 28 hour a week job over 7 days isn't ideal either, so I have some sympathy with your husband.

However, can you manage without you working and still afford what you want to do just doung the holiday cottage thing?

Would it be better for your MH to work in the museum do you think? Is the museum a council run one and if so, has DH given thought to your pension (im not sure how it works but can you transfer your teaching pension into the LGPS if its council run etc?)

Does he actually do the housework/drop offs etc? Does he pull his weight, even though he thinks it'd be easier for everyone with you out of work?

Absolutely go for it, and yes that’s exactly why he doesn’t want you to do it

I would at least go to the interview you may not even want the job if it is offered.I would take on the holiday let but look for another job around this.Surelythe holiday let would only be a day a week plus extra in the winter ie painting ,garden .Good luck but I would want to earn my own money.

Stick to your guns. It was never going to be easily juggling life, work and 3 DC, but it shouldn't be you making all the career sacrifices. The museum job wasn't an option before so of course you've 'changed your mind' and are free to do so as situations evolve. It's not a reason for him to shut down your choices. Good luck getting the job and don't let him erode your confidence. That's the risk if you're financially dependent on him and he's a bit self-centred (as most people can be).

He earns more than me so keeps saying that he needs to be working. He has dropped to 4 days already to look after our youngest while I’m at work.

Where does he think the money is going to come from for the family then?

Will the museum work fit around school or will you have to find childcare for your shifts?

Yes this is one of my issues. If I’m cleaning the holiday let one day a week, I’m going to need to have some more fulfilment- doing something on the other days would be perfect! I reckon it would be better for my MH to be out of the house too.

The other issue is how it actually works because if I’m on rota, then I won’t always be able to clean the cottage on the days it needs doing. So that means paying for a cleaner and possibly reducing what I could earn from the cottage.

You don't exist simply to facilitate an easier life for him. If you are interested in the job then go for it.

The hours are 10-4 or 10-5. I reckon I can get by with just using ASC on the days I need but then over the summer I will need holiday club sessions as my children are all under 8.

I think they release the rota 6 weeks in advance.

I see both sides. Across 7 days isn't ideal either.

Will you need to pay for five days of ASC or can you book ad-hoc? What happens if you can't get into ASC on a working day?

I think it's fair enough to want a job out of the house but those shifts sound like a real PITA.

Is he right op on this bit "he says I change my mind a lot".

Maybe his caution is more about this than the job itself. Do you tend to start a lot of projects and change your mind? If so this is 2 new things at the same time which does sound a lot. Setting up a holiday let could be a lot of work with the advertising and sorting out business accounts, tax etc. Maybe once you have a year of making that work financially you'll be in a better position to know if you have time for a second job.

It could be a good match. I would go to the interview and find out more. If you get the job you can always try it for a few months. If they like you they might let you drop your hours too.

This. If you don't take the job, you'll just be doing everything at home, and he will revert to doing as little as possible. No way would that work for me. Why wouldn't you want your own money, freedom, a career, a life outside of the home? Can you imagine your dh turning all that down even if he wasn't the higher earner?

What would the actual hours at the museum and how long does it take to clean the cottage?

Of course you should work if you want to but I’m not sure this is the right job. Your husband has already cut his hours to accommodate you. I can see his point of view.

how big is the holiday cottage. Dont underestimate how long it will take to do it, to the standard expected for guests, not the same as domestic cleaning. I have a team of 2 very experience cleaners who come in and take an average of 3 hrs to turn around our 3 bed place, and its an easy clean - plus then there is laundry and maintanance to do - will you actually get 'paid' for this, or is it money that you just wont have to pay out.

He's not cut his hours to 'accommodate' her, he's cut his hours to save money on and accommodate childcare because they are both working, something lots of families decide to do. Just because its the man cutting his hours doesn't suddenly make it an amazing sacrifice.

I can book ASC ad hoc so I will only pay for what I need. Very lucky to have the children in a small primary school where there is always room at ASC.

I agree- the shifts are an issue and I don’t understand why it isn’t fixed days to be honest.

The summer holidays could be even more of a pain as it will be costly.

I would struggle being home all day every day with just kids and cleaning, it has a tendancy to end up with the SAHP becoming a default skivvy (happened even when I was working part time, but ex was a lazy git I suppose - it must depend on the DP to some extent) - plus, it puts all your earning eggs in one basket, which is risky.

Better for you to keep earning if it's something you enjoy, keep paying NI, contributing to a pension where possible etc. plus in the future it's always easier to find a job if you already have one and you don't have gaps in your CV.