To find it unfair that my DH doesn’t seem to want me to work?

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Slightly complex situation here.

I work full time as a teacher. To cut a long story short, it isn’t really working for me- long hours, tough conditions and three small children that I hardly ever see. I’m hoping to leave at Easter. Having gone from doing everything round the house as a SAHM for a few years, my DH has found it hard that now he has to pick up his share of pick ups etc. DH is happy at the thought of me quitting my job.

We’ve got a holiday cottage that I’d like to run instead of teaching. I think I can make it work around the children a bit more, and I’ll be able to do most of the pick ups and drop offs. All fine.

However, there’s a part time job that I’ve seen advertised and that I’d really like to try doing. Its museum work. It’s 28 hours but over a rota of 7 days. My DH really doesn’t think I should go to the interview (which is next week) as he thinks it won’t make our lives easier and that I should just stick to cleaning and running the holiday cottage.

I can’t help feeling that he just wants things to be easier for him, and for me to revert back to doing all the pick ups and drop offs. He doesn’t earn loads so the part time wage that I could bring in might help us financially. He just says I change my mind a lot, and that I’m frustrating.

I would definitely go for the museum job. So many advantages for you OP.

prepare well for the interview.

if the holiday cottage isn’t viable as a business, including to ‘pay’ you a decent hourly rate, don’t prioritise that over your personal earnings.

also holiday cottages are often seasonal in demand - alot of us 'short let' them through the winter - a lower regular income is worth more than a two week high season booking at Christmas and a complete dead zone apart from the odd weekend from Oct - April

The question of pension contributions is very pertinent too

can you get into any other kind of teaching? That at least is a career option. Maybe primary or FE? would that be better than secondary? Or do you teach a subject that you could do private tutoring in, and work it round the cottage?

Go to the interview. DO NOT let a man dictate to you what you can or can't do with your career (especially not one who wants you to be a SHAM so he doesn't have to share the hassle of parenting his children).

In case of a divorce having a job in a museum is a career you can build on, running a holiday cottage is not as assets would get split up.

I agree - you need to actually be paid for this work, including admin and any laundry etc, rather than it disappearing into just saving on costs. An accountant could possibly give you a way to do it best. Otherwise you may find that your access to independant money / spending is seriously curtailed. Do you have shared finances at the moment - does the cottage rental go into a pot you have access to? do you and your DH have equal spending

Why hasn’t teaching worked out, too many hours? Is there a way to reduce hours but keep that occupation? Teaching will pay much more (with the pension etc) than museum work.

You might as well go to the interview. If you then get offered the job you can go into the finer details. If you don't go to the interview you will resent your husband for his attitude. You may not be offered the role or realise at interview that it isn't the right next step for you at this time.

Not that I’m necessarily on your husband’s side, but it does seem a bit ridiculous to take a part time job which will mean that you then have to pay someone to clean the holiday let, pay for after school clubs on some days, and pay for childcare most days during any school holidays.

I am presuming (hoping) that as you are a family all money is joint money and not “his” or “yours”, in which case you need to sit down together and decide the best way forward. By all means get a job, and get a part time job if you don’t want to be full time, but I think taking a part time job, spread over 7 days, with ever changing shifts, when it will then increase your expenditure in 3 different places across the year does sound ridiculous

How easy will it be to find a cleaner 'ad hoc' on a Saturday for the holiday cottage? Sounds a bit risky to me.

You don't want to be in a position where you are due to be in work, the cottage needs cleaned and there is no cleaner available. Would it not be better ro employ a cleaner regularly, and think about how to maximise income from the cottage?

I second supply teaching too- super flexible and can ask for a decent daily rate. Would fit around the holiday cottage cleaning too

OP doesn’t say that’s why she is quitting. She said it’s not really working for her, it’s long hours, tough conditions and she has 3 children she rarely sees. She is the one wanting to leave teaching

The holiday cottage will take up more time than a clean once a week on changeover day.

Short breaks, deep cleans, buying replacement items, maintenance, sorting out unexpected issues like the freezer breaking. And don't forget the admin!

The stress, I'd imagine, plus the hours. You can easily work 70+ hours and it never feels enough. Always working from home to make lessons to be ready for the next day (unless resources are centralised, but even then you have SEN students and EAL ones to differentiate for). Add to that behaviour that causes extra stress/burn out.

Supply teaching would perhaps be a better option for OP as is so flexible

I’ve been there with 3 young kids. I’d never drop my well paid, secure job. Even more so for someone who doesn’t quite see things as a partnership, including unpaid aspects of domestic labour. Mine grew up and we separated and by that point, I was relieved I had my by then full time role, salary and pension.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. If you get offered the job and it doesn't work out you can always leave. It may also be worth asking about rotas if you get offered and see if you could have those days as your 'off' days.

Honestly go for the interview but ask all the practical questions. My friend worked on an unknown shift pattern so if she wanted to make sure she had her child's birthday off she would need to use AL even with the chance she may never have been rostered to work anyway.... I couldn't work like that. How likely will it be you'll be working weekends as if my partner signed up for a job that included regular weekend working I would not be happy. Is AL restricted in the school holidays? Why doesn't it work on a set day basis etc

As others have said you don't exist to make his life easier and you should have your own life outside of the family unit including your own pension pot, if you do the holiday let what will your week start day be it would make sense it's the day he has off of work and it's clear that you will not be juggling both childcare and a cottage turn around.

You don’t need his permission- go for the interview.
if you aren’t earning is he contributing to your pension and savings?? If not, then he can’t afford a partner staying at home.

Sounds like this is his convenience rather than your happiness and financial independence. Never be dictated to and certainly don't allow yourself to become financially dependent.

Course you're frustrating. He thought he'd managed to get you back into your box of complete dependence.

Beware of suggestions for Baby #4 next.

Depending on the area, there’s surprisingly good take up Oct-April, but the longer booking tend to be high summer and Christmas/NY.

I wouldn’t be instantly happy if my spouse left a predictable hours job to take with one a rota. If you have children, a rota position has a huge impact on your spouse.

both DH and I have turned down jobs with extensive travel because of the consequences it would have for the other parent.

that doesn’t mean not going for the museum job, but the practical effects on everyone else should be a consideration.

How much will you make doing the holiday cottage admin and cleaning?

I'd go to the museum interview, see what you think. You may find it's not for you. But it's always a good idea to have another string to your bow.

It does sound as if your h wants you to do the housework and childcare, but that won't bring in money, will it? He needs to step up and do his share!

I think go for the museum job interview, but be prepared for it to be quite competitive and not necessarily easy to get, even with a relevant MA. These jobs which are ‘teaching but not teaching’ are always in high demand! (I can’t think why?! 😉)

However it is good experience to go for the interview anyway.

If you got it then perhaps you could set your cottage changeover day as a Friday to make it easier to find cleaners?

He will not willing make things less easy for himself

Sounds like he has it easy, and doesn't want to give this up.

I think if you don't take the museum job all the drudgery will fall to you because you'll be available

I would go for the interview for the museum, BUT if you get offered the job really think how it js all going to work together as it doesn't sound like an ideal combo.

That said I would not be giving up your income. You need to ensure you look at your pension arrangements can you/your husband afford to pay into this if you are not working I'd also make sure you have your own alloted 'income' from the rental otherwise you'll find it hard having to go begging to him for money when needed.