Ex got 8 years in prison for Dv , he’s contacted me and still wants to be with me after 3 years

[LouiseShard]

My ex went to prison for dv he got 8 years and I have a restraining order . It’s been 3 years and he got back in contact with me and I was so happy he did as I missed him despite all the Dv I know it was both of us why everything happened . He’s said he’s a changed man and can see he’s wrongs and is working so hard to fix everything he did wrong taking courses etc. am I being naive, can someone actually change should I give him another chance , I feel like he does love me to risk contacting me after everything he could have moved on and had every reason to hate me for the sentence he got , why’s he still saying he loves me and can’t forget me , advice please be kind

Only get back with him if you are prepared to die by his hands.

Absolutely not op !!!
block him (it’s not your fault that he was violent towards you)

How else could he get near enough to you to hurt you again? If he is in prison then he has literally nothing else better to do than to mess with your life. Please don't fall for this!

Seriously?

Don't be so naive

8 years!!! He must have been an incredibly violent individual to get a sentence like that. I would run very far away from this person and never look back. I don’t believe a person with this sort of history can ever change.

No no no no no no no.

Come on OP, pull yourself together. Immediate block, in fact change your number and alert the police.

Don't be stupid op. Don't even think about it. Jesus Christ..

Words ar e meaningless, actions speak louder.... and his actions got him 8 years in prison. Nothing will have changed in his behaviour towards you. Block, inform police and do not engage with him in any way, ever again.

To get 8 years for DV is quite the sentence.

There will always be women who are vulnerable to men like this and you are one of them.

Crack on but if you have kids be prepared for SS to be knocking at your door and giving you an ultimatum.

honestly wonders never cease…..

To.get 8 years he must have done something pretty serious
It won't just be a slap
( not that I'm minimising a slap).

8 years is a long sentence. What he did must have been pretty horrific. Maybe remind yourself of what he did.

No, do not take him back. Do not believe him. Why would you even risk it?

Report him for contacting you.

I presume you have done the freedom course or similar? Maybe revisit?

How has he contacted you from prison? He isn’t allowed to write to you or call you because you are the victim of his crime. Has someone smuggled a mobile phone in? If so, that needs reporting.

Anyway. If this is real then yes, you are being naive. Of course you shouldn’t be in contact with him in any way. He’s a violent nutjob. Also, if he hit eight years, the abuse must have been very extreme.

Really!?

Yeah, starting to think this isn't serious now..

Oh stop with your ‘be kind’ you need to think long and hard. For him to have been given 8 years he must have dont something pretty horrific and you are a silently stupid in even considering taking him back, or indeed having any contact with him at all

its highly doubtful he has changed at all, he will still be the same controlling bully he always has been, but this time may end up in jail for murder, yours

I hope to god there are no children

He must have done something pretty serious if he got 8 years. That's a serious crime.

Please take this time to heal and move on. Do some of your own courses (freedom course) and gain some self esteem and belief.

Dont go back. He’s contacting you because he knows youre still in love with him and youre an easy target. The DV will resume once hes got his feet under the table. Block him on everything, move on

If this is true then you are a fucking idiot

This is as kind as I can make this:
Do NOT under any circs even consider getting back with this man.
Please X

I know you don't (yet) believe this, but there are other men out there, and they are not all like this.

For god's sake what are you thinking.

He got 8 years!!! He must have been v.v. violent. I notice you say it was both of you why everything happened.

It wasn't both of you. It was him!! Otherwise he wouldn't be serving 8 years.

Presumably he will be out after 4 years so I don't think it's a coincidence he contacted you now. It's not that he loves you.... He wants to know where he can live when he comes out of prison in a year's time.

If you have children and you get back together with him you are risking you children being removed from your care.

Don't do it.

8 years for DV is very hard core. Do you have children? If so, would you be happy with them being removed from you? Because that’s what would happen.

He went to prison for 8 years, that means either the violence was severe or very often or both. I assume he'll be out in a few months so he's laying the groundwork to come back and live with you. Please be kind to yourself and say No. There are thousands of better men out there Op, get yourself sone therapy to break his hold on you and move on.

And bollocks to ‘be kind’ unless you want to end up dead