DH "giving me a lay in"... AIBU?

[LancashireSquirrel]

I don't think I am but still...

DHs idea of me having a lay in, is telling the DC that mummy is having a lay in today. And then continues to lay in bed while the DC get louder and chattier. Then I get up because they ask for breakfast, only THEN does he get up and tell me IABU because I got up!! WTF?!

I then call him out on his behaviour, telling him if he wants to give me a lay in, he needs to physically GET UP.

He then stomps off downstairs (leaving the DC upstairs with me!). I then take the DC downstairs and ask him what that was about. He then goes on to say "I can't win blah blah blah". I rage at him (quietly!) telling him how dare he put this on me, as if it's MY fault for getting up!!!

AIBU?! Surely if you want to give someone a lay in... you need to get up, and not gaslight them into making out like they were the ones who got up first?!

YANBU

YANBU. A lie-in is not a lie-in if he lets you be woken up and disturbed.

He's a knob. When DP gives me a lie in he takes our toddler downstairs and I can even hear him at points when shes loud, saying "Shh mummy is sleeping, let's be very quiet and go downstairs" etc. Thats giving someone a lie in. I do the same for him too when it's his turn.

YABBU, I would be saying immediately 'I'm having a lay in, please go get the kids breakfast'.

Yanbu. Be very clear about the expectations (even though I am sure its obvious and he's being an arse). He owes you a lie in!

Yeah that’s shit. As both a partner and father.

unless the DC are old enough to sort their breakfast and be quiet-ish.

How old are the DC?

Ask him if you agreed to have a lie in why he totally disrespected you? Next time, go to a hotel or stay over at a friend's house and leave him to it.

YANBU a lay in means he gets up and sorts the DC out himself with minimal fuss and leaves you to it

It's not a lay in if you have had to get up to sort breakfast!

He's the twat and he knows it by by doing this he hopes you won't bother asking again. So make sure you do. Any way you could sleep in a separate room eg. putting kids in together if you haven't a spare room and blocking entrance?

Thank you all. I'm still furious at the nerve of him. He's done it lots of times before but I snapped this time. I even told him that he is NOT doing this again and putting it on me.

A lie in is him taking the kids quickly and quietly downstairs as soon as they wake. He is a lazy selfish knob. I would be raging.

YANBU - that’s absolutely not how a lie-in works

What a stupid man.

Does he truly not understand what his role is if you are to rest?

YANBU, he needed to leave you in peace without him and the dc. How is it “giving you a lie in” otherwise - it’s not.

Change the dynamic. Stope silently facilitating and start modelling what you do out loud- and making it explicit what’s involved.

“who’s getting up with the kids today?”
”shall I take them downstairs so you can lay in a bit longer?”
”I’ll go down with him after I’ve had a shower, you keep an eye while I’m in there.”

What happens when he has a lie in?

Every bloke I've ever met pulls this sort of shit.

See also:

I've done the dishes FOR YOU, etc

Wankers.

If one parent is having a lie-in, the other one is supposed to get up! Otherwise no lie-in is happening!

I’m guessing this isn’t the only area where’s he a twat?

Weaponised incompetence - he hopes you’ll give up asking

Can you say, ‘Right everybody downstairs for breakfast, off you go, I am having a lie in,’ turn over and go back to sleep.

Thanks everyone. He refuses to see he's in the wrong. I'm waiting for an apology that's never coming.

Do the same to him next time it's his turn.

The trouble is, he will continue to sleep and ignore everything around him so it wouldn't work in the same way.

How can he refuse to see that he's in the wrong?? He needs to GET UP WITH THE KIDS.