DH "giving me a lay in"... AIBU?

[LancashireSquirrel]

I don't think I am but still...

DHs idea of me having a lay in, is telling the DC that mummy is having a lay in today. And then continues to lay in bed while the DC get louder and chattier. Then I get up because they ask for breakfast, only THEN does he get up and tell me IABU because I got up!! WTF?!

I then call him out on his behaviour, telling him if he wants to give me a lay in, he needs to physically GET UP.

He then stomps off downstairs (leaving the DC upstairs with me!). I then take the DC downstairs and ask him what that was about. He then goes on to say "I can't win blah blah blah". I rage at him (quietly!) telling him how dare he put this on me, as if it's MY fault for getting up!!!

AIBU?! Surely if you want to give someone a lay in... you need to get up, and not gaslight them into making out like they were the ones who got up first?!

Yep!

They do it on purpose so they can say that they try.

It was the "I can't win" part that pissed me off the most. I'm still seething and we're just doing that thing where both people ignore eachother.

I'm not letting him get away with it though. If he doesn't apologise I'll bring it up again later.

It's not even about the LIE-in () now... it's about his behaviour around the whole thing.

Agree YANBU and need to stay in bed and make him get up like PPs said (my Nigel is well trained and brings me a cup of tea and flowers every day).

I don't think I would tolerate someone who is supposed to be my partner "giving me" a lie-in like I'm some sort of domestic servant.

But I guess if he can only understand the running of the household as a workplace, he must be able to see that if mummy has been given the morning off, someone else needs to cover the breakfast shift. Or are the children supposed to just starve?

Have a discussion later and say the lie in only works for you if it's a proper lie in. Agree a lie in schedule and a time the on duty person needs to be up. When is his turn just keep telling re children that Daddy is doing morning stuff that morning. Train your children so they see Mummy and Daddy as having equal lie in/relaxation time. If it doesn't work, and this sounds silly, but get up and go out on your 'lie in' morning and tell the kids to go and jump on/ be noisy in his room and demand breakfast 🙂

Weaponised incompetence

This is on purpose so he doesn't have to parent his own children. You are all missing out. You are missing some rest and he and the DC are missing out on bonding.

I remember being small and one of my favourite times was early in the morning just my DF and I whilst my DM stayed in bed. We had a huge breakfast, got dressed and went out to buy a paper and chocolate and generally messed around outside for hours.

Can't decide because I can't get over the incorrect use of 'lay in'. Sorry to be that knob, but I do find it unreasonable that an adult with children can't distinguish between 'lie' and 'lay'.

Clearly, I didn't get a 'lay in' this morning 😂

@herewegoroundthebastardbush I think you've nailed it. I've been waiting for dh to be a bit more ...3-d...you've made me realise I will wait in vain sadly.

YANBU. Next time as soon as you hear the DC wake up you poke him and say “kids are awake you need to get up” and then keep saying “you need to take them downstairs“ “get up now” etc etc and then go back to sleep.

How much parenting does he actually do?
Next sat book a hotel for the night. Let him get on with it .
He’s a classic manipulating arse .

Ha! That would infuriate me, OP.

Today I set my clock for 09.30, which is later than usual, but I wanted to be up on time to get my 8 hour Turkish lamb recipe into the oven.

What does DH do? Last night he sets his clock for 08.30, so of course it woke us up then. An hour earlier than I planned.

When I asked him why, he claimed he'd been planning to get up then and make me a nice cup of tea before I started on the cooking.

I mean FGS - how long does he think it takes to put spices on a piece of meat and get it into the oven? An hour?

In any case, he didn't get up. I was furious. Then I remembered I had set my own alarm for 09.30 - so I left it - and him - in the bedroom.

At 09.30 it woke him up. Revenge is sweet.

Twat

I already covered that and OP has gracefully taken it on board

I was planning to write something similar but MNHQ are not keen on people correcting posters' grammar.

My kids dad used to wait until they were crying/screaming so I'd be awake by then, then he'd sometimes fall asleep on the couch while being with them so they'd come find me..

I’d get an air horn for the children to play with when he has his lie in. Lazy pig.

By lower primary age the children should be able to go downstairs and make themselves some cereal for breakfast/pop the tv on/play with some toys. They shoupd know not to come anf wake you up

So he's letting you have a lie in but he's lying in bed with you... no YANBu

I work with mainly men. I have done for over 20 years. They do hear the baby crying but they pretend they don’t. They roll over and PRETEND to be asleep. They say they struggle without sleep and their wife ‘is better with no sleep , than they are’. They laugh and joke about this at work with the other men. I have even heard the good ones say this type of nonsense. It used to shock me (early 20s) but it doesn’t anymore.

My advice is pretend to be asleep. Ignore the kids. When he gets up (even if that is 11am) stay in bed an extra 2 hours for your lay in. Make sure you do hobbies too (running, golf, cycling - anything that takes hours).

You shouldn’t have to but sadly it’s the only way you will get it.

This

I don’t really understand why you lay there in bed together and you said nothing but got up. Why not just say to him, get up. It’s my lay in day?

That really isn’t the point, @Youcancallmeirrelevant …

In my (not very good) defence... I pronounce lie-in, "l-ay" in, hence why I thought it was spelled like that.

I'm usually extremely good at spelling and grammar, I promise!

And I am not a chicken. 🐔

wow ,what a prince of a partner.

So what does he bring to your partnership? As a father? As anything?

I said my piece while I was sat up in bed... and he was still laying there. He then got up and stomped off downstairs.