DH "giving me a lay in"... AIBU?

[LancashireSquirrel]

I don't think I am but still...

DHs idea of me having a lay in, is telling the DC that mummy is having a lay in today. And then continues to lay in bed while the DC get louder and chattier. Then I get up because they ask for breakfast, only THEN does he get up and tell me IABU because I got up!! WTF?!

I then call him out on his behaviour, telling him if he wants to give me a lay in, he needs to physically GET UP.

He then stomps off downstairs (leaving the DC upstairs with me!). I then take the DC downstairs and ask him what that was about. He then goes on to say "I can't win blah blah blah". I rage at him (quietly!) telling him how dare he put this on me, as if it's MY fault for getting up!!!

AIBU?! Surely if you want to give someone a lay in... you need to get up, and not gaslight them into making out like they were the ones who got up first?!

Don't let the ill-informed grammar bullies get to you, OP.

I doubt you pronounce lie as lay. You're just saying lay in and naturally writing it down.

It's fine to do that. Lay in is its own established phrase, proven by the number of people using it, quite contentedly on this thread

Lay is the past participle of lie. "As I lay me down to sleep" and all that.

There is no reason not to use that part of speech to describe how someone "lay in" past their normal getting up time, and it becoming the noun form of that.

Lay in. Lie in. Both perfectly correct, but funny to see the ping-pong between them on this thread

Im really annoyed for you @LancashireSquirrel .
A similar thing happened to me today.
Late last night, I said to DH “I’ve set my alarm for 7:30 so I can get up and feed the pets etc and then you can have a nice lay in”.

He replied, “no it’s ok, I’ll get up at 7:30”.

Alarms both go off at 7:30 and he says “so who’s getting up then? Didn’t you say you’d get up at 7:30 if I wanted?”
I was like “errr no, you said you would get up after I offered but you said no”.

He just laid there.
I got up 😡

I’m raging reading your post.

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

How is the rest of your day looking OP?

Laundry, cooking etc - is he doing his share of these?

YANBU. My lie in this morning was my DH getting up with our kids at 7am and taking them downstairs. Feeding them breakfast. And then not disturbing me at all even when I heard before I properly woke back up (sleeping light) him coming up to get nappies - he was clearly trying to be quiet. He didn't actually wake me up i just got up at 945am and then he has just made me egg rolls.

What happens when he has a lie in? I bet you take the DC downstairs and let him sleep? But next time, don’t, do the same as him, so the DC wake him up, see how he likes it!

He just laid there

It's "he just lay there".

@Verbena17

What’s a lie in? 😂 we used to share the pain, neither of us had a lie in. We figured misery loves company.

The even more annoying thing is I didn't even ask for a LIE in!!! He just said it!!!!

When say he helps I don’t mean it’s my job and he helps me with it. Were both parents. I say we both “help” with housework for example because it’s both of our responsibility. I can’t exactly leave him to it. Baby is exclusively breastfed so I can’t go anywhere without him. I think that’s part of the problem. He’s never been alone with the baby so has never had to figure things out for himself. When our son gets older I will leave him to it sometimes.

Agree @herewegoroundthebastardbush’s post is brilliant and witty. But I have to ask - is there not another option besides killing (obvs realise this is a joke) and ‘managing’ selfish men? I find that pretty depressing tbh. Why do women put up with it?

Oh I remember this shit. The rows we had over his selfishness. I am side-eyeing him now and hating him all over again even though it was years ago.

These men aren't thick...they know how to give their partner a lie-in. They just don't see that they should have to because they are more important than her. I mean yes it's the done thing to agree to it...but when it comes to actually doing it, they resent every minute that that their comfort and ease comes second to hers. That's why they string it out until we are wide afuckingwake. Then when we complain about it, we're the ones starting an argument.
It's utter fuckery.

I guess, @Mouseinthehouse24 we wives/girlfriends/partners are left undoing the years ans years of patriarchy. I'm guessing that's why we have to manage them. Depressing, makes you think about how we are raising our sons.

You're not being unreasonable at all. Your DH sounds like a dickhead.
If you're giving someone a lie-in, you get up and deal with the kids/pets/household so that they don't have to. Unless he's got an IQ of 6 or literally has no concept of how kids work, he knows this and is acting like a petulant child.

@TheShellBeach shouldn’t you be at church this morning….being all holier than thou?
😂

The grammar morons 😳😳😳😳

@Seaside3 yes but it’s infuriating that it’s women’s job to do this! As well as depressing.

My teen does the same thing.
it's exactly the same level of deliberate incompetence
I have been incompetent in my time but discovered when alone with children and needing to make it work that I shaped up pretty fast

It's fine! I'd rather know I was spelling something incorrectly! I can tell the posters mentioning it are saying it in jest and not in a dickish way.

Yanbu. My dh and I take turns. That includes getting up and getting them downstairs as soon as they get up so I don't hear a peep. It includes doing breakfast, also for each other too! What a wanker your dh is.

Suggest he takes them out for lunch or on a longish park excursion after lunch while you have a long luxurious nap.

And next weekend, schedule your lie-in for Saturday. If he screws up as he inevitably will he can give it another go the following day.

It doesn't start till 11.30.

I'll be there then.

😂

I'd be blunt. 'You can win. Do what you said you would do. Get up with the kids and let me sleep. Before i am so awake that going back to sleek is impossible. That is what winning looks like.'

Can't win my arse. He's pissed off because he's been called out, that's all.

Nobody likes it. It's tedious AF.

OP my Ex-for-a-reason progressed from this stage to sitting on the sofa screaming at the kids to BE QUIET YOUR MOTHER IS SLEEPING all morning. I couldn't hear them, only him. Helpful.

When things have calmed down and the kids are settled, sit your H down, look him in the eye and tell him:

"You offering to let me have a lie in does not make you a good husband and a good father unless you actually back up your words with deeds. That is just lying to me and it is disrespectful and a terrible foundation for a marriage.

Do not expect kudos, respect or affection from me if you make promises to me and your children (spending quality one-on-one time with them) that you fail to deliver on.

You are 50% responsible for YOUR children, living with you is supposed to take 50% of the burden of childcare and parenting off of my shoulders; if it doesn't, what is the point of having you here?

I'd be better off living separately from you and you having the kids every alternate weekend and THEN I'd get a proper lie in and i wouldn't have to deal with a stropping man-child who doesn't like to be told he's in the wrong (when you are caught out in a lie).

I want to live with you and I want to love you, so please don't make living without you more appealing to me than living with you."