What’s so good about being an only child?

[Orangeandgold]

My daughter is an early teen, in year 7 and for the past 5 years she has been complaining about being an only child. She hates it!!

Me and her have a close relationship. We go out on weekends and if we have nothing planned we take a walk or do something local.

She doesn’t want for anything physically - she has her clubs, instruments at home that she is learning; we have a craft cupboard, a desktop - so lots to do.

I organise and encourage big trips with friends over the holidays and she has the odd “play date”. Her and her friends also have regular phone calls (I can hear their whole conversation as she usually takes the calls infront of me).

I have a sibling and I tell her that they are overrated but she seems so upset to not have one.

Id love to hear from people that are only-children. What was it like. How can I help her.

AIBU unreasonable to want her to snap out of it?

Well on the other hand I have 4 children and they constantly tell me they wish it was just them 😂 I don’t think some are happy either way!

Has she said why she hates it?

Because every family is different, and that's the set up for yours. Also have an 'only' she asked similar- and being left by her father when she was 11mo the old, in a country I knew no one and couldn't leave, and barely being able to provide us with a roof, there wasn't much time for anything else. I will not be made to feel bad for decisions that weren't mine, and also won't tolerate being made to feel bad that our life didn't turn out the way I also had assumed. It was all explained in an age appropriate way- obviously not the way I've said it here, but at the same time I do feel pretty strongly about it!!

She probably doesn’t realise that if you had another child when she’s 13/14, she’d still be an only child in the sense that a new sibling would be so much younger that they’d have little in common for about 20 years! It would also be very restrictive on time you have for ferrying her around, going out together, having to be quiet and so forth. The new baby would also be in effect an only child when she leaves home in 10 years or so.

I guess if her friends have siblings, she’s feeling like she’s missing out but it can’t be helped and lots of people want things they can’t have. Such is life.

I’d be inclined to tell her it’s not medically possible for you to have another baby. Little white lie but it should end any further asking for one!

Does she have a pet?

I am one of 7. My ds is an only.

He gets to go on every school trip
He doesn't have to share a room
He isn't dressed in hand-me-downs
He has hobbies & activities at the weekends
He gets as much of my time as he wants
He will have help with university costs
He will have help with his first car

I always said I would want 2 or none as I didn't want an only child. Stupid and ignorant I know but that was pre children. Well I had twins and wouldn't swap them for the world but my opinion on only children has .... I have met several/loads of delightful only children.

I moved from the UK to my DH's homeland and met a UK woman who's son had married a local. She was able to take early retirement and buy a property here, spending 6 months here and helping out with the kids, pets etc. She was able to give their son a generous deposit for a house. She admitted she would not have been able to do that with 2 or 3.

My opinion has also changed due to a massive fall out with my only sibling and DH and his sibling are not close at all a great source of sadness for his mother.

I don't think it's unreasonable to want siblings. On the other hand as teenagers the grass is always greener! Do you have her friends over for sleepovers and to socialize? Kids with siblings often have more socializing going on, maybe she feels bored or lonely at home.

I don't think telling her that siblings are overrated is the way to go, especially if she sees friends who are close to their brothers and sisters.

She's clearly not neglected but teens often don't want to spend as much time with their mum as they used to and their peers become very important. How is her social life?

When I was a teen I didn't want to be anywhere near my siblings. Found them very annoying, and embarrassing. Would have been happy being an only.

No inheritance drama!

My 19 year old DD is an only child too. I really didn’t want her to be an only and desperately wanted a second but unfortunately that’s the way things happened due to fertility issues.

When she was younger it didn’t seem to bother her too much, she had a very close cousin who was like a brother to her but as teenage boys do he’s become quite secluded and they don’t talk to or see each other much anymore. It’s more in the last few years that she’s really begun to resent me for not giving her a sibling. She sees how her friends all have close, fun, big families and there’s definitely an element of jealousy of that. She feels she’s missing out on ‘real’ family life as it’s just her and I at home. It’s especially evident around this time of year with Christmas festivities. I do my best for her but Christmas morning present opening (among other things) is just never going to be as fun and exciting with the 2 of us alone. Holidays abroad are often very difficult as well. She gets bored on her own (despite choosing every activity we do!) so for the last few years we’ve resorted to either taking a cousin or a close friend with us, otherwise she’s just miserable after a few days

It also massively bothers her that when she has kids they won’t have any cousins or aunts on her side. They have been a huge and very much loved part of her life due to my 3 sisters so she definitely feels like her kids will miss out, and to be honest I do too.

In herself she’s recognised that she really needs her own space and alone time, which she hates and attributes to being an only. This is another thing that I have to agree on. She’s definitely missed out on the trials and tribulations of siblings that shape you as a person, her friends that are also only children agree with this 100%

The benefits!
We are incredibly close, especially as she’s gotten older we have quite a best friend type of relationship and adore going out for lunch etc for a gossip. Constantly doing different activities, going on weekend breaks among other things

She wants for nothing - definitely gets far more than she really should if I’m honest! She rode and had a horse up until recently and certainly if she wasn’t my only one then this would never have been possible, both time and money wise.

I’m an only, I’m afraid I hated it as a child as I had the full attention of both parents and as an adult, I have no one with any memory of my history abd I guess I’m her fir dealing with the aging parents issues.

The only focus is that any financial resources were abd are mine I guess. Sorry I know this isn’t what you were looking for and it won’t be everyone experience , but perhaps just sympathising with her is better than trying to persuade her how good she has it.

I'm an only.

I am very close to my parents (in my 30s and having my own child!)
we still have holidays together.

I am really good at upkeeping and maintaining solid friendships.

I am not selfish and I can share.

I got some great opportunities of support because of having no siblings (driving lessons , support with getting a car etc)

yes sometimes I think oh what would it be like, but plenty of people I know don't even speak to their siblings . So no point daydreaming - I'm fine!

I think this is very child dependent. I’m an only child, as is one of my best friends. She always wanted siblings, I can’t remember ever giving it a second thought.

I’ve always been really close to my parents though and grew up seeing my cousins a lot. My mum looked after my best friend in the holidays so I often had someone around. We also either would holiday with another family, or take a friend with us.

I was lucky enough to have my Mum at home. We would often do crafts, go out and about together, or just be daft. She was very hands on. My friends mum worked long hours, didn't like mess and was quite serious (they are close now as adults, her mum is lovely, but I get the feeling she is more comfortable communicating with adults than children).

I think personality traits play a big part. I am someone that needs my own space and time away from others, my friend thrives in a group setting.

I was able to do a lot of things that we may not have been able to afford if I had siblings. This meant that I was able to try, and go to a lot of different activities.

As an adult I speak to my parents at least once a day, and see them a several times a week (when they aren’t off gallivanting).

If that's how she feels I doubt you can talk her around.

Almost all kids grow up wishing something was different/better. Whatever that 'something' is, the advice will be more or less the same:

• you are very lucky to have ABC in your life even though you may not have X, try to find contentment with what you have rather than focusing on what you don't.
• your daydreams about X are just that and there's no guarantee X would make you happy.
• what is it about X that you feel you're missing and how else could we bring that into your life?

I'm sure this thread will go down that rabbit hole anyway but I don't think there's any need to overstate the benefits of being an only, demonise siblings or rattle off a bunch of extreme anecdotes to make her feel better.

I had a bit of both, in a sense. My sister and brother are nine and seven years older than me. I had little enough to do with them as a small child, and as I grew up my brother was turning into the drunken shit he stayed. It was crowded early on, having to share a room with my sister. We didn't have a lot in common, because of the age gap, and I'm sure it annoyed her having a little sister around - which would be the case for your daughter now, OP. The novelty would soon wear off, especially once she found your attention had to be given largely to the baby - and I bet she'd complain just as much about having to do any childcare herself!

I was much happier once it was just Mum and me. My useless father left when I was about eight, and my sister left not long after. Horrible brother was still there for years but mostly at uni until the night he came home pissed and attacked Mum. So yeah, while siblings can be great and close, when they're not (and it's much too late for close siblings in her case, so she does need to get over it and stop complaining) it can be dire.

My eldest was an only child until she was nine.. scince she was 4 she asked for a sibling ( just didn't happen until she was nine) .. she was like a mother hen to her sister.. now still very close age 40 and 31.
My husband was an old Child born late in life to his parents and very spoilt and became selfish.

YANBU. The grass is always greener, especially at that age! I'm an only child and I'm sure I went through phases of wanting a sibling (just like I'm sure my kids go through phases of wanting to be an only child!) but looking back, that was just my life, I didn't know any different, and the main thing is I grew up in a happy home.

There have been a lot of financial advantages for both me and my parents, but I probably didn't fully grasp this until I was an adult.

My dad was an only child and absolutely hated it. He said it always felt like him versus his parents and he just wanted someone a similar age around.

My mum, 76 hated it, still does. My nephew, 24 is fine with it. The only thing I find is that only children have something about them, they’re always a bit weird (which isn’t always a bad thing) there’s usually a moment where you find out that they’re an only child and you think, ah that explains it. That said, only children probably think people with siblings are a bit weird.

Your daughter is old enough to be told, calmly but firmly, that she isn't getting a sibling and that is that. She is welcome to have as many children as she likes when she's an adult, but she doesn't get to dictate how many children you have. Won't be easy, as she's at a selfish age, but I do think she needs to hear it.

DS is an only and mentioned the other day that he loves it. If we are out or we go away (have just started the odd night without him. He is 17) then the house is ‘his’. He can have friends round, make food, listen to his music etc. our pathetic WiFi also wouldn’t cope with another teenager using it. These are the things that matter to him currently!

Well OP, your DD is lucky she's on her own. If she could have had a sibling he/she may have been born with disabilities and she would not have got all your attention,🤷🏻

I have four DC and we have two with additional needs, it's been a rollercoaster I can tell you. All these 'big happy families' aren't always what they seem.

Teenagers always want what other people have. I'm sure her opinions will mellow in time.

One of the DC is friends with an only and they get on great. The boy is friendly, mature for his age and helps keep my DS on the right path. I am glad we don't all have multiple children! It would be boring if we were all the same.

This boy is considerate and good at sharing. He has been raised well.

Don't have to come onto MN wondering whether to go NC or not because one or other sibling is;
being mean
clearly sucking up to parents for inheritance
Saying horrid things
Expecting me to provide parent care when I live 700 miles away and they are LITERALLY around the corner and don't have their own kids, and have a disposable income of 12k per week...