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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What’s so good about being an only child?

203 replies

Orangeandgold · 07/01/2024 01:51

My daughter is an early teen, in year 7 and for the past 5 years she has been complaining about being an only child. She hates it!!

Me and her have a close relationship. We go out on weekends and if we have nothing planned we take a walk or do something local.

She doesn’t want for anything physically - she has her clubs, instruments at home that she is learning; we have a craft cupboard, a desktop - so lots to do.

I organise and encourage big trips with friends over the holidays and she has the odd “play date”. Her and her friends also have regular phone calls (I can hear their whole conversation as she usually takes the calls infront of me).

I have a sibling and I tell her that they are overrated but she seems so upset to not have one.

Id love to hear from people that are only-children. What was it like. How can I help her.

AIBU unreasonable to want her to snap out of it?

OP posts:
Beezknees · 07/01/2024 09:18

Freebet · 07/01/2024 09:13

It’s strange though out of the team they are the ones that stand out as being different. One of them physically cannot keep their belongings on their own desks, they allow their things to creep onto other people’s areas. It’s like they’ve never had to stick to boundaries. Two out of the three are much noisier than anyone else - clanging pens, drinks, even eating. It’s like they’ve not been given the boundaries that multiple sibling families would have to give to have a bit of order in the house.

I actually find it a bit fascinating.

Show quote history

Which is down to upbringing, nothing to do with being an only. There are plenty of families with multiple children who don't set boundaries for their children as well.

You've had a negative experience with some only children and decided that all of them are the same. Do you realise what that says about you?

Beezknees · 07/01/2024 09:20

bookworm14 · 07/01/2024 09:15

So it’s fine to attack only children as being spoilt and weird and selfish and horrible to work with, but make a flippant response and you’re a misogynist?

Why do people think it’s ok to make these absurd judgements when they know there will be people reading this thread who have onlies, either by choice or not? Would you do it about any other group of people?

It tells me that they're inflexible, narrow minded and judgemental. Not great traits! Maybe they ought to look at their own flaws as well.

bendypines · 07/01/2024 09:21

I'm an only child and I get where she is coming from. When I was a child, I found it so difficult and frustrating to only have myself as a playmate, or one or other of my parents. Things like board games were the worst, and loneliness when we were on holiday. I was quite reserved, and found it extremely difficult to just go off and 'make friends' with the other kids.

DD is also an 'only' - not through choice. I think she felt a bit like that too, but now she is an adult, I don't think it bothers her at all.

Bracksonsboss · 07/01/2024 09:22

I’m an only child and no benefits for me. I’d have loved siblings too.

Gritty · 07/01/2024 09:22

Children shouldn't be seen as a retirement investment or carers in old age. You shouldn't have a child so they look after you. If you had 2 or 4 children and they ended up in Australia or the US in your old age, then what? Their lives are their own. YOU plan for your own old age, YOU look after your own health, YOU save up for carers instead of expecting or guilting your children to drop everything to be your carer... sadly in some cultures children are the parents cashcow, nurses ane maids. This is deeply wrong. Have the children you physically and mentally can afford not out of fear that they turn out lonely, weird or burdened by care.

bookworm14 · 07/01/2024 09:22

You've had a negative experience with some only children and decided that all of them are the same. Do you realise what that says about you?

This.

I think this will be the last time I contribute to an only child thread on MN. Sick of felling like I have to defend my lovely, kind, compassionate child from dickheads who are going to judge her without knowing the first thing about her.

berksandbeyond · 07/01/2024 09:25

bookworm14 · 07/01/2024 09:15

So it’s fine to attack only children as being spoilt and weird and selfish and horrible to work with, but make a flippant response and you’re a misogynist?

Why do people think it’s ok to make these absurd judgements when they know there will be people reading this thread who have onlies, either by choice or not? Would you do it about any other group of people?

100%

Jennalong · 07/01/2024 09:26

Personally I found my childhood quite lonely . I could always have friends round and take a friend on holiday , but there was still times when I felt the need to also have,something ' more ' .

My parents were fairly quiet in themselves so we were not a loud household so if I went to friends houses they also seemed to have more of a buzz .

Now both my parents are dead , I have no-one to share the " Remember when xyz happened " moments, it's almost like I'm lonely in my memories also.

Jennalong · 07/01/2024 09:27

Sorry just realised you wanted the good !

Loubelle70 · 07/01/2024 09:27

I have an only child, shes now 33. When teenager she really wanted a sibling but i did say, everything you get now is because youre an only child, days out, trips, activities, etc. if you had a sibling those treats would be halved and my time would have to be shared and obviously together as a family. She soon changed her mind 😂

Mambo1986 · 07/01/2024 09:27

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berksandbeyond · 07/01/2024 09:29

This reply has been deleted

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This is a horrible thing to say on this thread particularly where someone is asking for advice on their only child.

if someone posted a thread about their autistic child would you pop on and blithely say ‘people with autism have a higher rate of suicide’ . No you fucking wouldn’t

Alwayswonderedwhy · 07/01/2024 09:30

I'm an only child and also hated it. It's actually worse as an adult for various reasons.

I had three children as I never wanted my first child to be in the same position. Eldest told me many times when he was younger he'd wished he was an only child!

Beezknees · 07/01/2024 09:32

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Males age 50-54 have the highest suicide risk. So you're taking that chance if you give birth to a boy.

Desecratedcoconut · 07/01/2024 09:32

berksandbeyond · 07/01/2024 09:29

This is a horrible thing to say on this thread particularly where someone is asking for advice on their only child.

if someone posted a thread about their autistic child would you pop on and blithely say ‘people with autism have a higher rate of suicide’ . No you fucking wouldn’t

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But apparently children who have challenges can act as the bogeyman life destroyers, not worth spinning the wheel for and perhaps jeopardize your only child's peaceful life.

Gritty · 07/01/2024 09:33

Just because there is constant 'noise' in the house doesn't mean you can't feel lonely.

ImDuranDuran · 07/01/2024 09:34

This has to be one of the most offensive, depressing threads on only-children I've read on here.

I seriously hope that there are no parents who came onto it looking for comfort.

Weirdos? Suicidal?? Difficult to manage at work? Fuck off!!

cakeorwine · 07/01/2024 09:34

DS would say the inheritance!
It's just me and him for a lot of the time - so that's a close relationship and different if there were more children around to share stuff.
We decide a lot of things together - it suits him.

I will admit to being a bit jealous when I saw a friend with all her grown up family together at Christmas. It looked like a "real family".

But we are who we are - and we have our own fun.

berksandbeyond · 07/01/2024 09:34

Desecratedcoconut · 07/01/2024 09:32

But apparently children who have challenges can act as the bogeyman life destroyers, not worth spinning the wheel for and perhaps jeopardize your only child's peaceful life.

Show quote history

can not do

CAN

lots of people debate whether to have a child at a later stage because of the increased risk of complications and disabilities. People abort pregnancies because they do not feel they can have a child with additional needs like Down syndrome. You might not like that fact but it is one

MaloneMeadow · 07/01/2024 09:34

berksandbeyond · 07/01/2024 09:29

This is a horrible thing to say on this thread particularly where someone is asking for advice on their only child.

if someone posted a thread about their autistic child would you pop on and blithely say ‘people with autism have a higher rate of suicide’ . No you fucking wouldn’t

Edited
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You make not like to hear it and deem it horrible but it’s a harsh and real reality

margotrose · 07/01/2024 09:35

I'm an only child and love it as an adult but when I was younger I always wanted a brother. It was lonely growing up with no siblings or company apart from my parents and I struggled to make friends a lot of the time.

Gritty · 07/01/2024 09:35

Desecratedcoconut · 07/01/2024 09:32

But apparently children who have challenges can act as the bogeyman life destroyers, not worth spinning the wheel for and perhaps jeopardize your only child's peaceful life.

Show quote history

But that is actually true? It doesn't mean their life isn't worth it or that they aren't loved but siblings with higher needs absolutely overshadow other siblings and 100% take up more of the parents and resources. This is a fact not a biased observation. All the extra care, medical appointments, schedules.. everything is affected.

berksandbeyond · 07/01/2024 09:36

MaloneMeadow · 07/01/2024 09:34

You make not like to hear it and deem it horrible but it’s a harsh and real reality

Show quote history

Well hopefully I’ll have the time and money to help my child if / when she has mental health issues. Time and money I’d have less of if I gave her a sibling like you’re all insisting everyone must do or they’ll be weirdos!

Gritty · 07/01/2024 09:37

This reply has been deleted

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Wtf? Please tell me how many siblings you have so it can warn others not to have your number. Why would you say an inflammatory blatant lie? What is wrong with you?