What’s so good about being an only child?

[Orangeandgold]

My daughter is an early teen, in year 7 and for the past 5 years she has been complaining about being an only child. She hates it!!

Me and her have a close relationship. We go out on weekends and if we have nothing planned we take a walk or do something local.

She doesn’t want for anything physically - she has her clubs, instruments at home that she is learning; we have a craft cupboard, a desktop - so lots to do.

I organise and encourage big trips with friends over the holidays and she has the odd “play date”. Her and her friends also have regular phone calls (I can hear their whole conversation as she usually takes the calls infront of me).

I have a sibling and I tell her that they are overrated but she seems so upset to not have one.

Id love to hear from people that are only-children. What was it like. How can I help her.

AIBU unreasonable to want her to snap out of it?

In my friendship group, 3 of us are only children and 2 have siblings, I can't see any differences in any of us that I would put down to that.

Possibly controversially I think the idea that having a sibling is needed because it gives them someone to play with is an assumption that needs squashing in a range of areas, from parents feeling guilty that they want to be one and done by choice, parents who are one and done by circumstance, children who want a sibling, family members sticking their nose in. It fuels a weird othering of only children and sets up this grass is greener idea about siblings.

Too often when people think of a sibling they assume a particular type of religion where the children get on well, play together, grow into adults together, remain close in adulthood, and so on. The reality is some people have that, but others have nice enough childhoods and drift as adults, some find the relationship suffocating, or the children don't get on, or they have a toxic relationship into adulthood.

Could you talk to your DC and find out what part of a sibling she was hoping for? Maybe getting to the root of it would help.

As an only until adulthood (dm had ds late in life and me early) I always craved the hustle and bustle of a bigger family. Life was very boring for me as an only, I wished I had someone to play with. I loved hearing what my friends siblings were up to and really wished I had even one to share things with and experience joy and losses with. When you're an only child you're sometimes treated as an adult so you often end up wise beyond your years. You sometimes feel that you are the centre of the universe because you were treated as such by family.

I was an only child, I was never lonely as my friends all lived close by, cats, dogs, and I had cousins who I was close to who were always around at Christmas, family events etc. I was lucky enough to have my own horses growing up, once I showed an interest my parents bought me my first when I was 9 and I know I wouldn't have been able to if I had a sibling, they were my passion and my parents were able to support that and encourage it. I had tonnes of friends through the stables and lots of school pals I can truly say I never wished for a sibling, ever, when I was a child!

My daughter is also an only child (I didn't intend for this deliberately, number 2 just didn't happen) and being an only child meant she also was able to do all of the activities she wanted within reason, she was very much the focus of her grandparents when she was a child, she had her own ponies and competed every weekend which I could do with her. I always made sure she could have friends over whenever she wanted and encouraged her socially to hang out with the other children who lived down our road. We have a very close relationship.
The only negative I can really say now, as an adult, is that when my Dad was poorly and at the end of his life I felt alone with no one to share the emotions and talk to, my husband was great but has never experienced loss so couldn't quite understand. I do worry for my daughter about this also when I am older, the strain and worries would be easier with someone to share them with.

Or they might have learning disabilities, mental health conditions, illnesses and personalities that ruin your 1st child’s life, and yours

You do realize that happy homes can be built with all sorts of family members? That being sub-perfect isn't the shitty card for all parents and siblings?

I grew up as an only child and honestly I hated it. It left with with an entrenched sense of loneliness that is still in there somewhere. I had loving parents but just remember the loneliness. As I got older, it felt like there was a spotlight on me, and everything I did was under a microscope. As an adult, I felt like my 'only child' status limited my options in life and like I couldnt properly spread my wings as much as I wanted. I had as many children as I could realistically squeeze into my fertile years with my husband.

Some people are only children and they love it, others don't.

Yeah all families being different, and families with only one child being fine too, was kind of my whole point.
You’ll see a thread here every single day about a sibling making life very difficult for a sibling, either as a child or an adult. Maybe because of disabilities or personality. That’s my point, it’s not always the Waltons!

To the people telling OP to stop ‘indulging’ this ‘behaviour’. Are you ok? Teenagers are allowed to have feelings and express opinions. I’m certain she’s not demanding a sibling from her mum, more just being open and honest with her about how she really feels

Well said.

All these posters are doing is teaching their children never to talk to them about their feelings or fears, never to turn to them for support and never to be close to them.

Yeah, that’s exactly the type of parent an only child needs. 🙄

I'm not sure that's what you said in your ableist post, try reading it again.

They won’t think of others at all.

Will pick the easy jobs and leave others do the grunt work and won’t be at all guilty about it.

Expect to have their pick of the annual leave dates - no flexibility.

Little sense of fairness, sharing (food gifts brought into the office is a good example).

Theres a general expectation that they will get what they want.

I came into the team to manage them and within a month I could see that they were the ones to watch. Once I got to know them better and found they were only children I kind of understood. The three of them are really unpopular with the rest of the team but they aren’t interested in forging good relationships with anyone. They just look out for number 1.

Okay, you read what you want to read!

I’m not allowed to judge if you have a vagina like a clown car

WTAF?!

What misogynistic crap have you absorbed that your ‘go to’ phrase is one that is based on ridiculing women’s genitals?

Presumably you thought that phrase made you look cool or funny. It didn’t.

So their behavior is down to them being only children rather than not being managed properly by the previous manager and bad workplace behaviours eliminated. Yeah, right🙄

sigh I’ll explain it for you slowly

that refers to the old trick of lots of clowns coming out of a car… nothing to do with appearance of genitals

The only thing I find is that only children have something about them, they’re always a bit weird

I'm an only child and I'm nothing like this at all. Sounds like you have decided to stereotype based on a tiny pool of people who happen to be only children. Very narrow minded.

I'm not sure about only's being selfish..being forced to share with your siblings doesn't make you generous, it might make you resentful and even more sneaky and selfish.
I think lots of families have a greedy or selfish sibling. Generousity is not taught by being forced to share. It's learnt by example from parents.

Does your dd want a sibling to grow up with or a cute baby in the family?
My dd was an only til secondary school and I think they preferred it.

Just wanted to say this is also 100% my experience @RJnomore1 so you’re not alone with that. Agree that wanting her to ‘snap out of it’ isn’t really very helpful and trying to sympathise with her is probably going to be more beneficial for her. My parents were quite good at this with me and it did definitely make me feel better as a teen. It’s much harder now that I’m an adult and my parents are aging and unwell 😔

It's all about upbringing at the end of the day. As an only child who had a bad childhood and certainly wasn't treated as the centre of the universe I have to laugh at this idea that we're all spoilt and self centred

So you are ridiculing women ( not men) for having lots of children.

You are quite right. That completely demolished my point that you have absorbed deeply misogynistic views 🙄

Ridiculing women ( not men) for having lots of children via the medium of women’s genitals just enhances the fact that that you are not at all misogynistic 🙄🙄😐

It’s strange though out of the team they are the ones that stand out as being different. One of them physically cannot keep their belongings on their own desks, they allow their things to creep onto other people’s areas. It’s like they’ve never had to stick to boundaries. Two out of the three are much noisier than anyone else - clanging pens, drinks, even eating. It’s like they’ve not been given the boundaries that multiple sibling families would have to give to have a bit of order in the house.

I actually find it a bit fascinating.

So it’s fine to attack only children as being spoilt and weird and selfish and horrible to work with, but make a flippant response and you’re a misogynist?

Why do people think it’s ok to make these absurd judgements when they know there will be people reading this thread who have onlies, either by choice or not? Would you do it about any other group of people?

And my only child does have fucking boundaries. I just hope she doesn’t encounter judgmental twats in the workplace who will try to pigeonhole her based on one irrelevant fact about her life.

Being an only child is amazing when your younger it was just myself and my mam and I was so happy and content it never actually occurred to me that I didn't have a dad BUT when your parents get older and it's just you to look after them it's no walk in the park . I really hope to have two children so that they will have each other I wouldn't want my child to have to do this alone when they are older.