to leave 9 week old baby with Grandparents to baby sit for a a few hours?

[Sailawaygirl]

My DP are old (70's) but loving having their only grandchild who arrived recently and constantly asking me to pop round with DC. Previously my DM has made lots of comments about her friends having to do lots of baby sitting for grandchildren ect and so because of this i made it clear that i would not be expecting any baby sitting from them or child care when i go back to work. ( and i don't think they would manage an extended time any way).

But .... my DM bought me a massage voucher at xmas with the instructions to book massage and she will have baby while I go. I also have some dentist appointments coming up and need my hair cut.

DC is breast fed - but has taken a bottle from DP when i have been out at times. I admit we probably need to give DP bottle more to get him more used to it (so this is our bad)

I left DC with them yesterday to go to an appointment - 2 hours - left them with full bottle but gave a big feed and changed nappy before and left pram as DC falls asleep as soon as he is walked in pram.

When i came back DC was crying his eyes out, my DM looked like she had been through a hedge backwards and my DF had a 'thank goodness your back expression'. they said DC had just been crying for 30mins but I suspect DM said that so I didn't feel bad and DC had been crying for longer. DC was hungry and they said he wouldn't take anything from the bottle. Gave DC boob and he was fine.

DP was at work.

As we all know - hard to get after work appointments so DP can look after DC. I also (selfishly on reflection ) popped into M&S to buy me some clothes so i could have been back about 40 - 30 mins earlier but it was nice just to do a normal bit of shopping for a while! but now i feel terrible and wish i hadn't

AIBU to leave DC with grandparents for 2 hours for hair dressers and 2 follow up dentist appointments?

Should I cancel and try and rearrange my appointments for later in day when DP will be about - although this will delay treatment and hair wise - i cant see because my hair is in eyes (I'm growing out a pixie cut to be a more manageable bob) so im living in a hat. I know parenting is about compromise and sacrifice ect. i don't spend that much time on my appearance anyway.
I was ok about it yesterday but feeling very sad and teary this morning.

this is the challenge of having a baby - and EBF putting their needs first without driving yourself mad is tough. If you can, then you need to stay near for now. 9 weeks is very young and it won’t be forever. However in your situation, I used to get parents/father to take the baby in for a feed to the hairdresser and then out for a walk. Everyone got what the needed. Good luck, op. It’s hard but not forever.

It was your first time away from baby, he's bound to miss you. But he knows you came back. Maybe try to build up the length of time but don't feel bad taking sone time for yourself.

I just booked appointments for weekends at that age, DH would come I'd feed before I went in then DH would take him off around town in the pram for an hour, that was hair appointment and opticians, dentist I took him because it was a ten minute check up and dentist said it was fine to bring him

Perhaps have your aren’t feed him a bottle while they are at your house, so your baby gets used to them?

You have an amazing opportunity- you can make it work so everyone is happy :)

I didn’t leave DD (first born and breastfed) with anyone except DH for a long while. Dd never took a bottle (we tried) so any outing (by me) had to be 2 hours or less pre-weaning. i would reschedule appts when dp is around Ie, weekend for hair cut - how long is dentist so you can fit it in between feeds? And don’t do shopping afterwards!

Babies often refuse bottles if they are ebf. So all you can do is try to keep offering bottle (not you ofc as definitely will refuse from you) to see if you can get them used to both.
If baby feeds frequently then it's hard to get the time off for you to do other stuff. But YANBU for trying !
It's only been a few weeks so suggest you just take some smaller breaks using gp to help so you can get out of the house or even just take naps. Then work your way up to longer and use that lovely massage voucher !

If you’re breastfeeding and your DC won’t reliably take a bottle then I think it’s a bit long at this age. My own DC could often wake well before this and as you’ve experienced be inconsolable until
they’re fed. I would suggest that you take DM or DF with you and they can mind the baby but you’re on hand to feed if necessary. Also I normally found clothes shopping ok with a baby in a pram- they would just sleep or be happy to look a lights/ other people.

Why didn’t they take him out in the pram?

It’s hard isn’t it. None of mine would ever take a bottle when they were really little. I did go to the hairdresser once when my eldest was just a few weeks old and left him with my sister and mum, mum was only 50’s then though. I didn’t really relax and couldn’t wait to get back to him. He was fine though. With my other two I just didn’t leave them until they were a bit older and going longer between feeds. The middle child was a boob monster so no way of leaving her. It’s still really early days. For now I’d just try to arrange things when your DP is around. It won’t be long before they’re on solids and will be happier to be left with others.

i would leave it for a month

Perfectly acceptable for them to look after baby for a couple of hours when needed .
However you need to practice the bottle feeding first and get baby regularly and reliably happy to bottle feed .
Stressful having a crying hungry baby but not being able to feed them .

I would probably wait a couple more weeks. I remember 3 months being a huge turning point in terms of how settled DS was. At that stage, I would leave him with my parents for a couple of hours when I went to a regular medical appointment.

they did - and he had a good snooze and also play on the floor with them. but then the tears started. I think they (understandably) arent as good at picking up on the hungry cues as me and left it too long, so he was too hungry and distressed to take bottle.

EBF is very hard in situations like this. My DH had the same look when I nipped out to pick my sister up from the train station. I had only been gone for about 45mins.
It's all about practice and timing. Make sure you BF just before you leave the door.
Take a pram, if baby starts crying tell them to pop her in the pram and go for a walk.
Build up your time leaving them together.
You will get there 9 weeks is pretty young to leave the baby tbf it's a reasonably usual response xx

The plan was for DP to leave work and go to their house to work from home so he was about, but he had a client visit come up (and cant plan these or say no in this situation) He could take annual leave next time though

Am I reading this right, it's only 2 hours you would be gone right?
If so I would say of course go, and let your parents babysit! Let them/ ds have a bit of a practice with the bottle beforehand though.
Babies cry, no harm done. It's really good to get a baby used to being left with trusted people- you have to have a break sometimes!

Do they want to do it again?
It sounds like it was not an enjoyable time for them?
Had they tried DS with the bottle before you left him?
I wouldn't be able to relax during time away if I was worrying about either DS or the carer not being ok.
I can't remember what I did. DS2 didn't ever have a bottle. I must have made sure he was as fed as can be and left him with H (now ex) for a couple of hours.

I think at that stage I managed a 10 minute walk before I had to turn round and come back! It's tough. It does get easier. Your baby is still adapting to being outside of you.

I have a 9 week old, my second, who is also EBF. My mum is super hands on, but I wouldn’t leave DS with her for that long at this age. They are still unpredictable and can get really upset if hungry or tired. I’ve left him for half an hour at a time if I needed to pop out to run an errand.

Looking back at my first, the first time I left him for more than an hour was when he was five months. Otherwise, he came everywhere with me or all of us would go to wherever I needed and DH would walk around with the baby.

I know it’s tough not having any free time, but as PP said, that is the cost of an EBF baby - you can’t really leave them.

Start with some shorter trips out. For eg the dentist. Give everyone time to get used to it.

Is there anyway you can have a quicker haircut? Say just have a wash and cut. At a nearer hairdresser? Or a home hairdresser?

yes just 2 hours. I gave him a big feed before i went as well. I was almost late because i wanted him topped up as much as possible. He will normally go 3 hrs between feeds ( in the gap that i left him) but had had an unsettled night so i think was more hungry than usual (and you just cant predict babies!!)

I think its too soon and sudden. I'd have DM cone with you and the baby to the appointment, feed in the car, then dm go fir a walk, you meet her in a nearby cafe or something after.

Pop round to see your parents, leave for an hour, go back. Build it up.

And practice the bottle. Dc1 never did take one. It was difficult!

I sympathise OP. I have a 5 week old and we give one bottle a day in the evening, it definitely gives a bit more freedom and less pressure knowing that a bottle is an option so I'd try to get baby more used to bottles if I were in your shoes.

My parents are brilliant for childcare and will mind my 2 year old anytime but they aren't confident with very young babies so it'll be a few months before I can leave my youngest with them for a couple hours.

Try them offering a bottle when you’re there to help everyone get used to it.

Make it a bit shorter next time and build up. It would be crazy not to take the babysitting opportunity, you getting time out is good for everyone.

You certainly don’t need to feel bad it, just experiment and build it up.