to leave 9 week old baby with Grandparents to baby sit for a a few hours?

[Sailawaygirl]

My DP are old (70's) but loving having their only grandchild who arrived recently and constantly asking me to pop round with DC. Previously my DM has made lots of comments about her friends having to do lots of baby sitting for grandchildren ect and so because of this i made it clear that i would not be expecting any baby sitting from them or child care when i go back to work. ( and i don't think they would manage an extended time any way).

But .... my DM bought me a massage voucher at xmas with the instructions to book massage and she will have baby while I go. I also have some dentist appointments coming up and need my hair cut.

DC is breast fed - but has taken a bottle from DP when i have been out at times. I admit we probably need to give DP bottle more to get him more used to it (so this is our bad)

I left DC with them yesterday to go to an appointment - 2 hours - left them with full bottle but gave a big feed and changed nappy before and left pram as DC falls asleep as soon as he is walked in pram.

When i came back DC was crying his eyes out, my DM looked like she had been through a hedge backwards and my DF had a 'thank goodness your back expression'. they said DC had just been crying for 30mins but I suspect DM said that so I didn't feel bad and DC had been crying for longer. DC was hungry and they said he wouldn't take anything from the bottle. Gave DC boob and he was fine.

DP was at work.

As we all know - hard to get after work appointments so DP can look after DC. I also (selfishly on reflection ) popped into M&S to buy me some clothes so i could have been back about 40 - 30 mins earlier but it was nice just to do a normal bit of shopping for a while! but now i feel terrible and wish i hadn't

AIBU to leave DC with grandparents for 2 hours for hair dressers and 2 follow up dentist appointments?

Should I cancel and try and rearrange my appointments for later in day when DP will be about - although this will delay treatment and hair wise - i cant see because my hair is in eyes (I'm growing out a pixie cut to be a more manageable bob) so im living in a hat. I know parenting is about compromise and sacrifice ect. i don't spend that much time on my appearance anyway.
I was ok about it yesterday but feeling very sad and teary this morning.

You've done nothing wrong OP - it's a time of learning for baby, you and your DPs. If you can time it right, let them come and try some bottle feeds at your house. Don't be in the room. Is it formula or EBM? Build up leaving times - 30 mins and upwards, even if you just listen to music or call friends from your car, round the corner. Ask a parent to help by coming to an appointment with you - they can take baby for a walk. It will get better and better. Also, find out when your massage voucher expires - save it for less hectic times, when you know you can switch off. You sound like a lovely mum with lovely parents too.

Maybe try to get baby's dad to give bottle a bit more. I found leaving my top to put around baby helped them settle. But ebf is hard work...I remember my son refused all bottles and even if I pumped he wanted the real thing. Its only a short time @Sailawaygirl in a few months they eat so its easier to leave them. Also that's a lovely present

Except the baby, who was in clear emotional distress.

Oh, just seen the typical comments about breastfeeding 🙄 Why do so ,any women try to put other women off breastfeeding? Breastfeeding actually makes things easier not harder.

They do at 6 weeks old.

Not everyone is in the UK.

America, for example, has little/no paid maternity leave.

I'm no crazy attachment parent or anything but my experience is that basically you can't leave ebf babies until they are at least 3 months. Of course if you can get the bottle feeding working then maybe you can do it earlier but you need to establish that before trying to leave them.

After the newborn period breastfeeding makes things a lot easier but it does make it hard if not impossible to leave them initially.

With the second one, I got a haircut in when I was 39 weeks in preparation!

@BreatheAndFocus

does it though when you can’t even to a dentist or hairdresser appointment on your own? I think that’s very hard as most people really need me time, time to themselves

It's really only for around 12 weeks which isn't that long to wait for a haircut in the grand scheme of things. At that point feeds become more predictable/cup becomes easier if bottle refusal is an issue.

An hour or so for the dentist can be done with most ebf babies just not lengthy hair appointments/shopping trips.

70s is quite old to be confident in sole charge of a young baby. I know it’s normal for grandparents to be older these days but you can’t really expect a 75 year old to be able to cope with their grandkids in the way a 55 year old would have.

my in laws were fine looking after my DC in their late 50s early 60s as babies but I wouldn’t even ask them now they’re mid 70s if I was to have another (never going to happen, just an example). Maybe don’t pressure them to be in sole charge of the baby again until he’s a bit older and easier to entertain.

if you’re going to say a gift is manipulative the expect to be called out on it.

presumably the massage does not have to be redeemed immediately and is just a gift from mother to daughter as a treat.

You are not unreasonable to want to have your parents look after your baby for a couple of hours. And 70s is not that old. The issue is you have a (mostly) exclusively breastfed baby who is still so tiny. I think you need to get DC much more used to taking a bottle from your DP (if that’s what you want) or probably wait until weaning is underway before asking your parents to have your DC for more than an hour.

The massage is for an old injury that got painful while I was pregnant and is nagging me while due to baby manual handing ect. It's not just a pamper session. And I normally only get my hair cut 4 times a year anyway. This morning I felt like just shaving it all off!

@spriots

i know what you’re saying but I do think 12 weeks is a long time to literally never be able to leave the house without your baby!

I found it hard in some ways not having time to myself definitely! I don't want to underplay that - but it kinda is what it is if you ebf. It's always an option to formula feed if it's too much and I really would encourage women who find it difficult to consider that.

Personally I found the thing that worked best for me was putting the baby in a sling and then going out - mine slept incredibly well in a sling and, although it's clearly not alone time, I found it really good for my mental health

Just do it. None of them will get used to each other if you don't.

My DS was left with grandparents overnight from 6 weeks (although wasn't a BF baby), GP were in 70's.

The relationship they had was something quite amazing. DS now 17 would chose DM to hang out with over pretty much anybody.

I wouldn’t have been happy with any more than an hour at that age. Both of mine were bottle refusers. I remember going for a haircut and my Mum walked the baby around in the pram while I was in the hairdressers, is that an option?

My baby is 11 weeks, and there's been a massive difference over the past fortnight. He now has way more happy awake time and shorter feeds.

At 7/8 weeks I went out for a massage but timed it for his big afternoon nap and didn't go far.

Now I reckon he'd last quite a while on the strategy of feed first, I leave, husband takes him for a walk, quick cuddle when he comes home, sensory TV, nappy change all would happen before a feed.

I would let baby practice more with bottles and also tell GPs to just feed junior at the first sign of distress.

It’s quite likely they’re of the “feed baby every 4 hours generation” and let him go too long thinking it “wasn’t time”.

Im not quite their generation, but EBF didn’t seem to be as common back then so lots of people don’t understand it’s very different to formula feeding.

I think having someone who’s excited to watch baby for you is beneficial all round so I’d definitely try again.

@anarchicparadise

if you’re going to say a gift is manipulative the expect to be called out on it.

You are not an authority here to 'call me out' - you are simply someone who has a different opinion. That doesn't make you any better or more right than me. Just different. Whatever it is you think you have done to me here I can assure you, you haven't.

presumably the massage does not have to be redeemed immediately and is just a gift from mother to daughter as a treat.

Quite. And only OP knows the relationship between her and her mum so OP can decide how she views the gift. My point of view is no more right or wrong than yours.

It’s sad that you’re on a thread and purposely being a dick. No one who’s got two brain cells to rub together thinks that all mothers have the luxury of staying at home.

It isn't unreasonable at all if they are ok with it. I'd continue to do it too, maybe sometimes just for 1 hour if they aren't too far away so that baby can get used to it more. I'd also have them feed baby whenever you visit so they get used to it.

Baby will be absolutely fine.

Yes, we left ours for a week when we went skiing overseas when ours was 14 weeks old, they'll be fine

Don't feel bad about it,, either for your parents or DC. I think maybe something like a dentist appointment should be fine as it's short but seeing as it looks like it may have been hard work for your dm for a longer slot, work up to longer babysitting times. It'll get easier for everyone as time goes on anyway

70s is not too old, my in laws are in their 70s and cope fine with a small baby for a few hours. I do give them and my parents some direction with feeding as it’s a bit different feeding a breastfed baby.

Also you can leave an EBF baby at a young age, I went for a spa evening with friends for around 5-6 hours and baby was fine with dad. He will take a bottle though.