to leave 9 week old baby with Grandparents to baby sit for a a few hours?

[Sailawaygirl]

My DP are old (70's) but loving having their only grandchild who arrived recently and constantly asking me to pop round with DC. Previously my DM has made lots of comments about her friends having to do lots of baby sitting for grandchildren ect and so because of this i made it clear that i would not be expecting any baby sitting from them or child care when i go back to work. ( and i don't think they would manage an extended time any way).

But .... my DM bought me a massage voucher at xmas with the instructions to book massage and she will have baby while I go. I also have some dentist appointments coming up and need my hair cut.

DC is breast fed - but has taken a bottle from DP when i have been out at times. I admit we probably need to give DP bottle more to get him more used to it (so this is our bad)

I left DC with them yesterday to go to an appointment - 2 hours - left them with full bottle but gave a big feed and changed nappy before and left pram as DC falls asleep as soon as he is walked in pram.

When i came back DC was crying his eyes out, my DM looked like she had been through a hedge backwards and my DF had a 'thank goodness your back expression'. they said DC had just been crying for 30mins but I suspect DM said that so I didn't feel bad and DC had been crying for longer. DC was hungry and they said he wouldn't take anything from the bottle. Gave DC boob and he was fine.

DP was at work.

As we all know - hard to get after work appointments so DP can look after DC. I also (selfishly on reflection ) popped into M&S to buy me some clothes so i could have been back about 40 - 30 mins earlier but it was nice just to do a normal bit of shopping for a while! but now i feel terrible and wish i hadn't

AIBU to leave DC with grandparents for 2 hours for hair dressers and 2 follow up dentist appointments?

Should I cancel and try and rearrange my appointments for later in day when DP will be about - although this will delay treatment and hair wise - i cant see because my hair is in eyes (I'm growing out a pixie cut to be a more manageable bob) so im living in a hat. I know parenting is about compromise and sacrifice ect. i don't spend that much time on my appearance anyway.
I was ok about it yesterday but feeling very sad and teary this morning.

My pils were in their 70s when dss were babies and they coped fine. Depends on how frail they are?

How about leaving a t shirt you've worn to drape over either of the pil on side where baby's head is being fed?

Also, sometimes babies cry. If they can't deal with it they can't babysit.

I wouldn't go but I see the present as manipulative anyway. It's up to you with who and when you decide to leave your baby. After what happened there is no way I would be leaving my baby with them again. 'Just been crying for 30 mins' - that's half an hour which is a hell of a long time for a tiny baby to be crying with hunger. Absolutely not.

If you really need the dentist and your DH can't come I would possibly ask your mum to go along with you so you are on hand to deal with any upset asap.

I think it's fine! It's your parents and you won't be far away.

My mum looked after my baby when she was 10 days old so I could go to the registry office. She still thinks very fondly of the time she was with her and they have a strong bond

They all just need to get used to each other. Try again for shorter time in a few weeks, let them build up their confidence. For haircut make it clear DM can bring him to you for feed if needed . Keep doing it though as you have a wonderful resource there and lovely for baby on going

I do think that was a bit too long too soon yes and EBF babies do just need to be with mum still for the first few months.

I suspect your parents won’t want to be in sole charge again for a bit as they don’t sound like they coped that well and tbh it’s really stressful trying to give a bottle to a EBF baby who won’t take it.

Just take your baby to the hairdresser with you. And the dentist. I did both and the baby stayed in pram but then I could feed if needs be. Same with shopping. They are actually still quite portable at this age as they sleep.

Its later it’s harder when they are on the move or want to be standing on your legs at bouncing at around 16 weeks.

anyway try to forget it what’s done is done but I would just take the baby with you and keep your appointments

I'm self employed and regularly left my DD from 1 week old for short periods to work. She was BF but would take a bottle - first tried bottle at 6 days old cos I had to work the following day. DH, DM, DF or DBro all looked after my babies while I worked & found popping my dressing gown over their clothes helped them settle. It was stressful at times. Look after your own MH. Sometimes it was easier to bring baby plus DM or DH with me to work too so you could try going to hairdressers or dentist together & have coffee etc

Ask the hairdressers first before turning up with a baby.

If your parents are happy to have him again of course it’s fine. If they’re going to be having him semi-regularly to cover appointments etc then there is time maybe try and offer the bottle a bit more before they have him next so he gets used to it.

It's absolutely fine to leave your baby either GPs.

You are still a person with your own needs. Please don't feel guilty about that.

Grandparents will get more confident with more visits.

We did a little bottle every day with the DC so that I could go out some evenings etc. I bf until they were toddlers so didn't affect that! Loved having the flexibility.

I think there’s a time when a baby will take expressed milk in a bottle and then if you leave it too long before you try again they will refuse to take it. It was definitely the case with my first baby. So I think the thing to do is regularly have your partner giving your baby a bottle. There’s some tips here about how to do it.
https://yourkidstable.com/my-baby-wont-take-a-bottle/

You spoilt it for yourself.

you should have gone straight back, not clothes shopping! Presuming DP (baby's Dad not your parents) has days off, that's something you can all do together if you want to try things on. Else you can do online).

Do your parents have health issues? Otherwise 70's isn't old.

Do either of your parents drive? Can they pop around to give baby a bottle more often?

Try the short dentist appointment next. The hair dresser take Mum (&Dad?) with you, feed as much as you can nearby then they can go for a walk/mooch about at the shops, while you go in.

A responsible hairdressers wont allow you to take a baby in because of all the fumes from the chemicals. Unless it's a very very small one doing no dyes etc at the same time.

itll be fine & they'll all develop a lovely bond, just take it a bit more slowly!!

In a way it was good that DM saw and had to experience DC when its challenging because they do seem very out of touch / cant remember what its like looking after a little baby. When i tell them i have to go or cant talk on phone because he will be crying they dont seem to get it - but i sure they do now.
They are also very very keen to see him lots - so i arrange visits around napps and for when he is most likely to be happy awake - but me and DP feel that we are then left with all they crying when we get home!
As soon as DC stopped crying, DM asked to confirm the next appointments - so she still seemed very keen, although i was less sure.

If i cancel appointments - how to i tell her her services are no longer required - she will be disappointed?
Also i feel more uneasy about DM walking him around town while i have appointments. its so much harder when baby cries in a public place. dentist isnt very accessible for pram and a long walk with baby carrier from car (and DC would cry as soon as walk stopped).
i normally have him in a sling for shopping. DM came shopping with us once - but i prefer shopping without her if you know what i mean.

I think i will have to re-arrange / or get DP to get morning off work next time. i really want my hair cut!!!

i know !!! i'm so annoyed with my self!!!

although i got to try on some trousers so at least i know what size fits me now post baby

It really depends on you and your baby. I dont think you were unreasonable for trying it.
At 9 weeks I dont think appointments/ shopping were even on my radar for various reasons but everyone is different.

I wouldn't cancel your appointments. This is the first time you have tried this, as often with first times, it didn't go perfectly. What can you learn from this experience to make it go better next time? Maybe get your baby a bit more used to the bottle? Maybe tell your mother signs that he is getting hungry? Having someone to babysit is so useful, and it is great for your parents to build a bond with your child. I think cancelling appointments would be an overreaction. Rather see this as something you can learn from and make work better next time.

I would ask Mum to come with you.AS PP said ,wait in car and go to Appointment and meet her later on .Difficult but 9 weeks is very young

If dm wants to try again then give it a go.
Your parents probably got stressed thinking that you won't leave baby with them again becuas the crying.
But keep doing the two hour slots

DC would cry as soon as car stops

options are
1)try again with DM and keep current appointments - with more bottle practise in between
2) try and rearrange appointments so DP can look after DC because DC will take bottle from DP
3)cancel appointments until older

im going to go with a mix of 1 and 2

I EBF and didn’t do anything like haircuts or shopping on my own til she was more predictable with feeds and could go longer stretches between feeds, possibly 9 months plus. though it was facilitated by lockdowns so couldn’t really go anywhere anyway! And didn’t want to cus of covid risks (no vaccines and still a lot of unknowns at this point!)

If I had a baby now and desperately wanted a hair cut, I’d probably take DD and grandma with me, let grandma push her in pram til she settled to sleep while i am having my hair done & get them to wait in salon/nearby in case baby wanted a feed. I’d also ask hairdresser about it first, check that’s ok if I needed to feed halfway through my trim 😆

better still, I’d prob try a mobile hairdresser coming to my home with grandma/dad WFH nearby on hand to settle baby if needs be!

definitely had my first haircut about a year in as I remember coming home and DD was sat in high chair eating lunch with my DH.

For clothes, I just ordered everything online, sent back what didn’t fit.

Dentist and similar, I only had quick check ups. Again it was lockdown, so i couldn’t see one while she was very little. I went when she was older and with my husband. And we tag teamed. Again she was going longer stretches between feeds so I knew she’d be ok if I fed before I went in.

massage I’d def postpone til older. Maybe 6+ months when she’s predictably napping for longer stretches. Then you could feed to sleep, rush off while she naps, grandparent can give her a snack when she wakes and you’re on your on your way home.

or, of course, get her more used to bottles. That’d give you more flexibility of course.

I’m talking from an EBF point of view - my DD refused dummies, and with lockdown I just never bothered doing bottles!

I do remember just feeling shit and not myself for that first year though. Everything felt so so tough. It got a lot better though. It’s not forever!

Definitely keep persisting with the bottle or you are going to be tied to the house by your own breasts. Back to work will be a nightmare.

I would get DC more used to bottle feeds at home and try and spend more time with DC and your parents so that they can do the feeds while you're still around.

You'll be there to pick up on the "hunger" queues so DC won't get too distressed but your parents can be the ones to do the feeding so DC gets used to taking a bottle from them.

How is the present manipulative?

You must lead an odd life if that’s your first thought.

I have a 3 year old, 1 year old and 6 month old grandchild. I think you are being a little hasty in writing off your parents as carers so soon ! I think your baby needs to be a little older before leaving them if they are EBF. Yesterday I looked after the youngest for 35 mins while my DIL had her eyebrows done. My GD is now of an age where I can distract her with toys , singing etc.Lots of people have already posted useful suggestions to help make the situation work better for everyone. When I first started looking after the 3 year old he was nine months old.I was very apprehensive about looking after him for ten hours ( one day a week)It was thirty years since I had cared for my own babies. Now I have a deep bond with him, he loves to stay the night etc. As long as you and your PIL have agreement about the way they will care ,everyone will benefit. I can guarantee that anybody, no matter their age, would find looking after such a young baby rather challenging . It is only through caring for my exclusively EBF grandchildren that I can appreciate the efforts of my parents with my EBF children 30 years ago!