to leave 9 week old baby with Grandparents to baby sit for a a few hours?

[Sailawaygirl]

My DP are old (70's) but loving having their only grandchild who arrived recently and constantly asking me to pop round with DC. Previously my DM has made lots of comments about her friends having to do lots of baby sitting for grandchildren ect and so because of this i made it clear that i would not be expecting any baby sitting from them or child care when i go back to work. ( and i don't think they would manage an extended time any way).

But .... my DM bought me a massage voucher at xmas with the instructions to book massage and she will have baby while I go. I also have some dentist appointments coming up and need my hair cut.

DC is breast fed - but has taken a bottle from DP when i have been out at times. I admit we probably need to give DP bottle more to get him more used to it (so this is our bad)

I left DC with them yesterday to go to an appointment - 2 hours - left them with full bottle but gave a big feed and changed nappy before and left pram as DC falls asleep as soon as he is walked in pram.

When i came back DC was crying his eyes out, my DM looked like she had been through a hedge backwards and my DF had a 'thank goodness your back expression'. they said DC had just been crying for 30mins but I suspect DM said that so I didn't feel bad and DC had been crying for longer. DC was hungry and they said he wouldn't take anything from the bottle. Gave DC boob and he was fine.

DP was at work.

As we all know - hard to get after work appointments so DP can look after DC. I also (selfishly on reflection ) popped into M&S to buy me some clothes so i could have been back about 40 - 30 mins earlier but it was nice just to do a normal bit of shopping for a while! but now i feel terrible and wish i hadn't

AIBU to leave DC with grandparents for 2 hours for hair dressers and 2 follow up dentist appointments?

Should I cancel and try and rearrange my appointments for later in day when DP will be about - although this will delay treatment and hair wise - i cant see because my hair is in eyes (I'm growing out a pixie cut to be a more manageable bob) so im living in a hat. I know parenting is about compromise and sacrifice ect. i don't spend that much time on my appearance anyway.
I was ok about it yesterday but feeling very sad and teary this morning.

Using the pram is a good option, especially if you can make the timing coincide with when they might sleep. The first time I needed to leave DD coincided with DH being away for work. I was going to be busy for two hours. I took her to the venue, fed and changed her there, then put her in the pushchair and a friend took her into town. She was a bit older, so we put her forward-facing, and she probably didn't even realise I wasn't there!

@anarchicparadise

I don't think I lead an odd life because I see giving a gift that dictates I must do something in order to be able to enjoy it as manipulative.

What will say is I am autistic, PDA, and have complex PTSD so the way I view things may be different to the majority. For me though, having been controlled and manipulated for many years to the point of trauma, I do have very strong boundaries now.

That absolutely does not mean I lead an odd life though. I think you were putting a real negative slant in something that has actually been a huge positive in my life. Even if not, the assumption my life is odd because I have stronger boundaries isn't a slant on me, even if you think it is

You left your young baby well fed and with safe people.
That was well planned and reasonable.

You found out that your baby has a tolerance of about an hour before he wants you right now. I would leave the baby for about an hour so that baby and GP have a positive experience.

As the baby gets older he will be able to be left for longer.
The suggestion of your parents accompanying you and you being able to feed him easily while they pram about with him nearby having an outing is workable.

Normally this would be fine but if he was very upset last time he was left, probably not.
my mostly bf baby was happy to take a formula bottle- but only from me! How ridiculous. When he was about 2 months we left him with parents for a few hours and he stubbornly refused to take a bottle but was actually fine just had a bumper feed when I got home! I think they can be fine for a few hours but if he’s likely to be upset again then I’d only leave between feeds, for now but perhaps try and see if he’ll take a bottle from your parents with you somewhere else in the house, for now.

it all gets better, promise

Some EBF babies just won't take a bottle unless honest to god starved into it. One of mine wouldnt.

I never really had trouble though. I mostly would just take him with me? I would just feed before a hair or dental appointment. Dentist never really took that long either. I had to go to a funeral when one was only about 6 weeks old, i did just feed then leave her in car outside with DH. She grizzled a bit by time i was back a couple of hours later but it wasn't the end of the world.

It s fine but suggest they go for a walk with pram so he relaxes
They can try a syringe drip feed if he is actually hungry but if he fed before and after will be fine

Of course YABU. You have a newborn baby. They don’t even know they are a separate person from you yet and you just left them, caused them a lot of distress and might do it again

You can also get hairdressers who'll come to your house, that works well.

A neighbour went back to fulltime work six weeks after she gave birth to twins so YANBU.

It seems like the issue is just getting baby used to bottle. Is there a way your partner can bottle feed once a day? Then your mother can try a few times before your massage. Another alternative, if desperate, could be to feed with a syringe or small cup if they don’t take a bottle. A cup sounds really mad but I fed my son gaviscon from a shot-sized measuring cup at that age and it went surprisingly well.

Yes - stick with your apppointments or your kid will be 4 and you still won’t be able to leave them.

So basically because one mother had a blatant disregard for her kids’ well-being everyone should?

Entirely agree. No harm done to anyone and you got your appointment in, OP.

You need to give yourself a break, those first 4 months especially for breastfeeding mums can feel like one long never stopping marathon. It's OK to go for a couple of hours of normalcy and to re charge. Your baby will be better for you being relaxed.

My second was a bottle refuser, would suggest sleeping with a muslin and then next time leave a bottle with grandparents tell them to put the muslin on their chest so baby gets your scent. Your over the period where introducing bottles can risk ebf but be wary of over pumping.

😳😳😳😳 there's always one

For both of my kids leaving them at any point before introducing solid food wasn’t really possible. So if I had an appointment then baby would need to be nearby - your parents coming to town with you but doing their own thing with baby nearby is an option.

I think the first time I went out to any length of time alone was at about 6 months and it was to have a wisdom tooth pulled. I came home and DH had appeased baby with multiple fromage frais.

it’s really short though - both of my kids were in nursery for full days by 10/11 months so don’t sweat it.

I’ve seen a lot of grandparents push this idea of babysitting a tiny baby and my own PiL were big on this. I have to wonder - who are they doing it for? Often I think it’s largely for themselves as they have this wonderful vision of building a relationship with their grand babies. The reality of course is that there is plenty of time for that, it doesn’t need to be right now. Babies change all the time. A couple of months is a lifetime to your baby and they will be totally different by then.

Oh yaaaass one of them has rocked up. Awa bile yer heid min.

Not everyone has the option to stay home with their kids.

Hm nine weeks is very early. I’d try and get an appt in the evening or at your house. Or cut your fringe yourself to see you through the next few weeks.

My DS stayed over at my parents a night each week from around 3 months old. He was a good sleeper though, and we were only ever a couple of miles away! It does depend on the baby though, DD was much much clingy.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to these questions really it's up to you and you circumstances.

DC1 I first left with someone other than DH when they were about 3 months old. That was with my DM whilst like you I went to the dentist to get a filling that I should have had during pregnancy but the dentist told me to delay it until afterwards. I was gone about 1.5hrs, my DM had spent loads of time with DC1 so was confident to care for her, and she was formula fed by then so I left a bottle with them. It was fine.

DC2 I can't remember when I first left him with anyone else but I suspect he may have been about 11 months or so. Partly because he was mostly breastfed until 10 months, and partly because by then DM was in ill health and no longer able to babysit ever so I just had to make other arrangements for appointments. Basically DH would take annual leave or work flexi if I needed to go somewhere alone.

At 9 weeks DC1 was mixed fed in the day so I probably would have been fine to leave her for a couple of hrs if necessary but DC2 was only breast-fed in the day so I wouldn't have left him with anyone other than Dash unless emergency (and he did take a bottle but he only had a couple a week at night from DH). But that's just me.

You NEED a break, you are still a person in your own right as well as a mum op! Do NOT feel guilty

I would practice with your Mum - perhaps write a schedule (like use bottle immediately after nap and keep offering it frequently if refused..)

Can your OH not take some half days? Currently you can’t take any time off ‘work’ so that’s a conversation to have

Get him used to having a bottle and then try again. It is very limiting having a tiny baby - in fact I still struggle with lack of independence with a five year old! But it will get easier, especially if you're not EBF.

I just took my baby to hair and dentist appointments. 9 weeks is very young to be away from their mother. It’s not called the 4th trimester for nothing. Why not delay your massage?