Be brutal! I need it!

[Whatintheworldgirl]

A relationship hangs in the balance.

I ended up in hospital due to a peptic ulcer. I was in a&e for 19 hours, did it on my own because my partner had work and I said he needed sleep. So I somehow managed to walk there and stayed till I was seen 19 hours later. Which again is fine, the poor staff were doing everything they could with the strikes. Anyway. After I was finally seen and given Iv meds. One of the meds really didn't sit right with me. I got an explanation as to why when the surgeon came in but it was very very scary. I become very unwell and I couldn't see properly. I could see enough to see the little app bubble colours on my phone but I couldn't see the text as my eyes just turned into a blurry mess and I was panicked and scared. After doing this alone for over 20 hours I finally admitted defeat, that I needed a bit of support. So I managed to call my partner. I was crying and scared. He was at work at that moment. He said he would speak with his manager and come. I said no because I didn't want to cause problems but he then said all the right things. He would be there. He would protect me, keep me safe (I've been through a heavily abusive relationship in the past so that last line really got into my heart and I felt like I was finally protected) so I said okay while crying.

NOW I understand work. I understand it gets busy and I understand sometimes you genuinely can't leave. That is fine. However he just went MIA. I heard nothing from him for two hours. He works like ten minutes away. He then sent me a text saying it was super busy and he is hungry. This is after two hours of silence. Didn't check in. Didn't have two seconds to text me a very quick message saying it's too busy and he can't come. I would've accepted that. But no, he was too busy. So me being scared and in agony, just waiting and waiting. Waiting for him to show up like he said. Or atleast let me know he can't. He had portrayed he would keep me safe and I believed him. Anyway it's not the showing up that I'm upset about it's the fact he didn't excuse himself for literally a minute at most to text me to tell me he can't. I ended up getting so scared and freaked out I discharged myself and walked home which was a challenge because I live about 40 mins from the hospital. Arriving home after being awake and in a&e all night or around 24 hours at this point, the flat was a mess. Dirty dishes everywhere. Dirty clothes thrown about. It just frustrated me. I do everything I can while he's working so he doesn't come home to dishes and a mess. Why could he atleast do the dishes? Why couldn't he atleast send me a text saying he couldn't come. Why is everything such a chore?

I really feel like I'm done. Trying to bring this up to him when he got home from work he just said 'I didn't promise I could come'. And was defensive. No understanding or even compassion. Hasn't even asked what actually happened or what my diagnosis was. I just feel really angry. Why am I so angry?

Very good point. It is likely there will be someone on this thread close enough to take or collect you. I hope you’re ok op.

You have the power in you to make your life happy again.

Every post you have made today is full of excuses and 'confusion'. I tell you now you are not confused, you know this relationship is bad for the following reasons:

1. He financially abuses you, when you aren't in a good place financially to start with.

1. He had no compassion when you directly begged him to come with you to A and E, and he let you walk home!

1. He has not been remorseful to this fact, but instead has decided that the issue is money and he solves that by taking away one of your assets sell it and use that to 'help'.

1. You are behaving in an extreme people pleasing way to avoid conflict and it's attracting the most selfish of society who are hell bent on abusing your hood nature.

1. Fear of being alone and starting again. This is your greatest stumbling block to happiness.

So in the kindness of ways consider yourself unconfused and in the know!

Use this wisedom to empower yourself to make good decisions for your life.

1. Go and seek medical attention tomorrow morning whether it be a GP or A and E and follow it through ( I personally have been avoiding the signs of bowel cancer I have them all, I can't handle it so the past month I have been pretending they aren't there- using every excuse known to man. I watched Bates versus the Post Office today- I was in bits by the end and it pushed me to act- next Friday 2pm have secured a doctors appointment)

1. Tell him to leave immediately. Pack his stuff, get rid. He will do the following, convince you that he's an amazing guy and he has seen the light of change (fyi he already knew he was fleecing you which is why he offered to sell your ring) so this is bs (put head phones in play white noise zone the crap out), then he will blame you and this is when you ignore his shit again, do not internalise any of his crap, then he will try to wear you down and confuse you.... there is no way you can be confused see above 👆. Then close the door and change the locks. Block him on everything.

1. Emotionally recover by doing the things that make you feel good, food, exercise, hobbies TV, books, posts!

1. Do the freedom program it's online it's free it will open your eyes.

1. Take up a hobby that gets you out of the house and meeting people (personally I love quilting, embroidery 🧵)

You have the strength, the power, the knowledge, the tenacity, the kindness to be happy again x please take care of yourself x

You'll also notice that MN is full of women who put up with such shit from me, and have children. The children see the relationship and go on to repeat the dynamic in their own adult relationships.

They watched their mothers partnered with "usless human beings" and feel they deserve no more, and that's what makes them unable to identify whether it's "normal" or not, because to them, it is familiar and normal, and what it looks like.

And on it goes.

I’d say chuck him back but then some other unfortunate soul would find him. Bin him now. He’s a selfish prick.