Do not want to look after someone's DC

[howan]

My DH's family member has 2 DCs. Second just turned 1 and is, obviously, hard work, so she v ofter 'organises' sleepovers AT OUR HOUSE for her older DC, who is 6 and lovely, but I am fed up with looking after them! DH thinks that it is 'lovely for cousins to spend time together' ( they are not even cousins!), but our DCs are 14 and 12, so do not have patience or will to entertain their younger 'cousin' all w/end. DH just announced that the child will be coming this Friday and i have just texted the mother that we are going to see my family, so that will not be possible. Mother texted back that 'the child is very upset'. Honestly, I don't give a damn 😤 No amount of talking to DH helps, as he thinks that we need to help, but I have not received any help when I had young DC, why should I'help' them now? AIBU to say no every time from now on? My DC are not interested in having their little ' cousin' for sleepover, either.

Forgot to say that the child just had a sleepover 2 nights ago.

Next time dh wants to 'help' make sure you make plans to go out.

Then go out. Late.

I assume that the 14 and 12 year old are your DCs but not your DHs.
Of course the 6 year old can come and stay with their Uncle - he can take care of them whilst you go off and visit your family with your DC.

Why did you text her about Friday? He made the arrangement. Let him un make it.

Don't make his life easier, while he's making yours harder.

Gosh I'd hate that...what an absolute cheek

Has your DH ever asked his DCs if they are
remotely pleased about entertaining a 1 year old on a regular basis? I can fairly confidently predict the answer.

Personally I think she's being cheeky. The age differences between the children are too large for mutual enjoyment. If your husband thinks it's so lovely I would pass the baton and let him deal with the youngster and provide entertainment and running after when he/she stays.
Her family her responsibility.

Assume it's the 6 year old she's palming off? If your DH offers then you must go out and preferably take your 2 with you. DH will soon get bored (as will the 6 year old).

Cheeky to land your kids on other people like that!

I’d reply that your older dc enjoy seeing them occasionally but as you’re sure they appreciate, a teenager has little in common with a 6 year old. You’ll let them know if you have a time free but as she was last with you two days ago, your New Year’s resolution is to put your own kids first. Happy New Year, ha!

YANBU to say No every time and mean it.

Your children of an age where they have exams coming up and sleepovers with a 6year old are ridiculous. It's also important to note that they will be going/gone through puberty and retaining their dignity is of the utmost importance so having a 6year old around at night who is not their sibling (where does this child sleep?) is not ideal.

So she just demands a sleepover for the 6 year old whenever she feels like it and your DH just agrees to it?

Leave him to it with the kid and see how much he enjoys it. Few teenagers want to spend their time entertaining a 6 year old and they have things of their own to do at the weekend. As do you!

If she just stayed 2 nights ago then YANBU and if the mother needs that much help then perhaps social services should be notified to offer some support??

I'd tell your DH that one night a month is reasonable as otherwise its not fair on your own DC.

You don’t need an excuse - just say he’s not been invited. No way would I let another parent tell me their child is sleeping over.

ermmmm no. Your kids have homework, activities, exams, friends etc to deal with. Her kids - her responsibility. she shouldn’t have had a second if she can’t cope.

Let dh entertain the kid.

12 and 14y are DH and mine DCs. My DH wants to help his family member by bringing their (family member's) 6yo child to our house for a sleepovers almost every w/end. The child is lovely, but I am fed up with looking after him so often. From now on I will refuse every single time.

Well done for texting back and saying no. At last, someone who stands up to cheeky entitled people.

Her child being upset is on her. maybe the mother will learn not to arrange sleepovers without checking with you beforehand.

I texted her because my DH would have just left everything as it is and child would have been brought to our house on Friday. DH thinks that it is 'fine' and we 'have to help'.

Ahh sorry your DC is upset, mine say they they'll come over to yours next weekend. What time suits?

You have a husband problem!

Tell him under no circumstances is he to agree to this again, without prior discussion and agreement from you. And if he does, then you have serious issues. They are both absolutely taking the piss - her for offloading her child and your husband for volunteering your time without your consent!

I would absolutely refuse to lift a finger to help him. If you can afford it, I'd be inclined to take my kids to a hotel every weekend that he pulls this shit.

I'm mad on your behalf!

This is a classic case of 'give someone an inch and they take a mile' OP. The more babysitting you've done, the more she wants you to do. Beyond cheeky.

Agree with other posters, if your DH is so keen to help let him crack on - you and your DCs go out and about and please yourselves.

And the above text from a pp about prioritising your own dc is excellent. I'd send that to the mum and tell h that you are doing so.

Your DH is the problem. He's arranging stuff without consulting you. I wouldn't want my niece and nephew every weekend. I'd be happy to do it once every other month. I certainly wouldn't do it at all if I was being volunteered without any discussion.

Oh, this. Just this

It's your husband who is the problem. I would just go out and do my own thing, the teens are likely busy with their friends at the weekend anyway. If he wants to babysit the 6 yo let him have at it. I'm sure the novelty of looking after the child by himself will quickly wear off! To be honest I would send a frank message saying that your teenagers are out with friends every weekend and you and DH are going to make the most of your child-free time so cannot babysit going forwards.