Do not want to look after someone's DC

[howan]

My DH's family member has 2 DCs. Second just turned 1 and is, obviously, hard work, so she v ofter 'organises' sleepovers AT OUR HOUSE for her older DC, who is 6 and lovely, but I am fed up with looking after them! DH thinks that it is 'lovely for cousins to spend time together' ( they are not even cousins!), but our DCs are 14 and 12, so do not have patience or will to entertain their younger 'cousin' all w/end. DH just announced that the child will be coming this Friday and i have just texted the mother that we are going to see my family, so that will not be possible. Mother texted back that 'the child is very upset'. Honestly, I don't give a damn 😤 No amount of talking to DH helps, as he thinks that we need to help, but I have not received any help when I had young DC, why should I'help' them now? AIBU to say no every time from now on? My DC are not interested in having their little ' cousin' for sleepover, either.

@mumsytoon , you can't volunteer other people to do childcare, or invite yourself to other people's houses.

I doubt OP's teens are interested in a hotel. But she should take herself off for a sleepover of her own.

Every weekend seems quite extreme, why does DH think his family member needs that much help? What are the problems they are having? (as in, is this a temporary thing to get back on their feet, or an ongoing CF situation)?

I don’t see the harm in having them once in awhile, so I’d feel mean cutting them off completely, but every weekend is ridiculous!

Offer for your two to go to hers.

Or if your DH agrees to another “sleepover” at yours, make sure you and your teens are out.

Thus is ridiculous, surely he can see that!

Quite. I find this a "bed, made, lie" situation. No one forced her to have two kids.

Does this chancer ever offer to help YOU in any way?

Gosh no, OP's DH can look after his own kids and work on chores at his own house. Or just take OP out for a nice child-free lunch.

I don’t know anyone who would do this .
Or even get away with it . She deciding your life for you .
Your dh is no better

I’m guessing by ‘we have to help’, DH means ‘YOU have to help’?

The fucking twat is outsourcing you for childcare, OP! I’m so annoyed for you.

Well done for saying no and please keep saying no.

Tell DH to tell his cheeky fucker sister that a 14yo and 12yo do not have playdates with a 6yo.

Next time your DH offers to help, have a last minute family emergency and take yourself off to a local hotel, not coming back til the following afternoon. he wants to help? he can help, not volunteer you to do it

So how much of this help does your husband provide?

I agree with pp, if he wants to help out, that's great.
He can help out.
You can go out.

Let's see how keen he is when "we" becomes "he"

Of course, if I'm making mean assumptions here and he actually does take care of this child, entertain them, cook, do bedtime etc then I owe him an apology.

Does he think you and dc should not see your family to "help"? He is completely unreasonable. It is a shame child is disappointed but once a week is too often and dh needs to check plans and if everyone willing for overnight guest before agreeing.

Next time your husband does this use it as a reason to get out to spend time with friends. Make sure you’re absent for dinner and bed time, then leave early the following day so he has to do morning wake up and breakfast. I’m sure your husband will get your point when he’s done all the caring and had to manage first hand the older children not wanting to spend time with the younger.

This would drive me mad. EVERY weekend?!!

I'd be buggering off to a Premier Inn every time and letting DH sort them out - bet he'd soon get sick of it!

You to DH: 'Sure, fine, of course the cousin can come over.'

Five minutes after cousin arrives, you announce that you're going out, then leave him to deal with them on his own. When DH kicks off, you tell him sweetly that 'it's lovely for cousins to spend time together'.

Rinse and repeat until your arse of a DH gets the message: cousin comes over, you leave him to deal with the kids alone.

Absolutely this.

I wouldn’t suggest this ^ OP’s husband might think that it’s a genuinely good advice…

Is the 6yo your husbands child?

This!

Does she ever invite your 2 DC for a sleepover at her house? If not next time she says 6 year old wants a sleepover tell her you will send your 2 DC to her for a sleepover so your DH and you can have an evening off from childcare. Tell her what a good idea. See what she says.

"our DCs are 14 and 12, so do not have patience or will to entertain their younger 'cousin' all w/end."

Hopefully, that means that your husband cannot offload the care of the six year old onto them. Do you think he would try to do that if you absented yourself, @howan ?

Why is your husband so keen to 'help out'? You say this child is not a cousin, so the mother isn't his sister. Just how extended a family does he feel responsibility towards? And why?

How much of this childcare does your bloke do?

So glad your 6 yr old wants to see my two-we could do with a night out! Thank you so much for having them!

but seriously you have a DH problem-leave it to him if he wants to help. Am sure he will soon stop volunteering “help” when he realises it’s him that actually has to do the helping!

Your dh is keen to help. Great. He can go to their house and babysit while they are out or help when they are there. Or he can take their dc out for the day. Lots of options he can do that don't involve the dc being dumped on you and the kids.

Agree with the posters saying set a limit 1 a month at most but, more likely 1 every 2 months.

You keep saying "I" and he says "we" so who's actually doing the childcare?

Personally I'd just say yes that's fine then on the night say oh yes, I'm sure I mentioned I'm going out to Sonia's tonight. Oh o thought I told you ot was the girls weekend? Actually I'm taking the kids for a late movie and it's a 12.

Basically, keep leaving the kid with the person who's offering to babysit. Reckon he'll soon stop.