Do not want to look after someone's DC

[howan]

My DH's family member has 2 DCs. Second just turned 1 and is, obviously, hard work, so she v ofter 'organises' sleepovers AT OUR HOUSE for her older DC, who is 6 and lovely, but I am fed up with looking after them! DH thinks that it is 'lovely for cousins to spend time together' ( they are not even cousins!), but our DCs are 14 and 12, so do not have patience or will to entertain their younger 'cousin' all w/end. DH just announced that the child will be coming this Friday and i have just texted the mother that we are going to see my family, so that will not be possible. Mother texted back that 'the child is very upset'. Honestly, I don't give a damn 😤 No amount of talking to DH helps, as he thinks that we need to help, but I have not received any help when I had young DC, why should I'help' them now? AIBU to say no every time from now on? My DC are not interested in having their little ' cousin' for sleepover, either.

Send your two over! ‘Hi Sandra, we always have the pleasure of Barry’s presence at ours for sleepovers so I thought we’d return the favour and let Bertha and Arnold go to yours for the weekend so you could get to experience all the fun. Bertha hates cheese and Arnold is obsessed with Warhammer, so you should have an exciting and interesting evening. We’ll drop them on Friday at 6pm and pick them up on Sunday at 3pm. They’re really excited!’

If DH insists that the 6 year old has a sleepover this weekend, take your DC to visit your family and leave him home alone with the little one. Stay over at your family member's house, and don't get back until late the following day. Do this every single time. Or go out of the house and stay out for as long as possible. It won't be easy at first, and you absolutely shouldn't have to do it, but I bet it will soon stop the visits.

So you're not really going to your mum's on Friday?

Your dh is totally unreasonable. Start being unavailable. See how much he likes helping when it's him doing it.

Make some arrangements. Don't tell him. Don't be there.

How lovely that your DH wants to help because in future you should let him do all the work of caring for the 6 year old. I better the cheeky bugger says you should help meaning exactly that - you get to do all the childcare.

Does she need Children's Services?

Who looks after the kid when he's over, you or DH? If the latter, let him crack on and you go out and have a nice day🤷‍♀️ If it's expected that you will look after the kid, it's a big FUCK that (well that'd be my reply anyway 😂)

Tell DH and family member your DC are out for their own sleepovers or just out.
Remind DH you’re getting your life back and you can go out together. Book something asap!
If anyone asks why DC weren’t out - shrug your shoulders and say you know what teenagers are like 🤷‍♀️ (apologies to all non flaky teens)

You know it is the OP doing the childcare. Say no and mean it. They're both CF

Jeez. What relation even is she if not a sister (given they aren't cousins?) I could understand him wanting to help a stressed sibling but not someone more distant, his own cousin or a very young auntie!

An extra child costs more. Shes taking the wee wee.

No way would I do this - even more of a no way if dh or sil arranged it!

If your DH is so keen to help, he can drive over to their house and spend all day there amusing the DC and helping out with chores.

It's totally unacceptable. Ask why we have to help? Surely the 14 yr old has mocks?

If he wants to look after his 6yr old relative then he can crack on, but he doesn't get to volunteer your, or your DC's, time without consulting you.

Good grief no, why on earth would you do that?

😁Love it!

Every weekend? Hell no!

Is there a reason for this? Like a family bereavement and the 6 yr old needing some male family influence or something?

so you not enjoy seeing this child at all? Seems a bit sad to say never to a relative.

Excellent

Why can't the mother invite the kids over if she's that desperate for her child to bond with them?

Is your DH expecting you to do the childcare/ laundry etc? If he's the one doing it all then I think it's a bit controlling to stop him seeing his nephew (or whatever relation it is).

However if he's booking you in for free child care that's really rude of him.

Don't just keep saying no, stop it all together. Tell her you can no longer provide child care as it has been taking over your own time as a family and preventing all of you from doing your own thing at weekends. You would be happy to invite her dc over for a couple of hours in a few months. You'll be in to touch let her know when it is convenient.

I think that you did the right thing. Just keep saying, sorry I can't because we're out. She will eventually stop asking. I would physically organise something to do, so we're not in. My brother used to do the same to me. My child didn't like his child, so it was a horrible experience for everyone. My brother didn't care, as he wanted a Friday off. We signed up for late Friday night gymanistic sessions. Didn't get home until late, so my child went straight to bed. This stopped him asking anymore.

It can't be fun for the 6 year old either? He must feel left out whether at home or at yours - but that's his mum's issue not yours!

They're all bonkers! Agree with PPs that you take your DCs to the cinema that night and leave DH in charge. And he changes the sheets and washes them, buys the extra food. Cooks etc.

Or do the 'offer your two to go to her for the weekend'. Brilliant suggestion....🤣🤣

Next time your DH books the child for the sleepover book yourself into a hotel for the weekend - I bet if DH had to do 100% of the work associated with the sleepover he wouldn’t be inviting the child again!