Husband wife two kids- who pays for what?

[mumtoboys12]

Husband earns 3 times what wife earns. Wife earns 1600 a month.
Husband says I'm taking advantage of him and he's a cash cow as he pays most of the bills.
I pay for childcare and all food shopping.
I also did the same on maternity leave earning no money so from savings.
Husband pays mortgage and bills

Is this fair? Or am I taking advantage?

Put all money in one pot, you are a family?

Are they his kids?

He sounds like a twat. What's the split of house hold chores and childcare?

This. If they are then you are being treated like shit.

We pool our money, pay everything into joint, pay all the bills and whatever we agree into various savings accounts (one for children, one for home improvements one for holidays) then we divide the remainder up into our personal accounts pro rata. So if he earns 75% of what you bring in combined, he gets 75% of whatever is remaining.

we are moving towards just using the one joint account and not dividing things up into personal….but I spend too much haha

Sounds like a twat - I bet you do the majority of the chores and childcare. You are suppose to be a team not looking at who pays for whatever

I’m constantly amazed by people who share children but won’t share money (except where one party is useless at managing money).
You are not taking advantage. However what can you do? What is your housing situation?

All money in one pot. Pay bills and if there's left overs then each take the same amount for savings/spends.

If you're going to maintain separate finances, then make sure you don't sacrifice an inch on your career. If he wants you to do more than him in terms of kids/home then he pays you to do his share.

But really, all in the pot and equal spends is the only way once kids come along.

Yes his kids. And doesn't want to put money all in one pot despite me asking a few times.

This is madness. Life is long and there might be a time you're the "breadwinner".

I'm married, two young kids. Everything goes into the one pot. It's easier that way for us, but then there's no financial abuse. We'd consult each other before big purchases but day to day we spend what we want.

You are being financially abused.

You are supposed to be a family and a team...

Everything in one pot here. I’ve been a stay at home mum forever - he sees his earnings as our money, not his.

You are supposed to be a team.

How much is the mortgage and bills v childcare and food?

your husband is an arsehole.

Sounds like resentment has kicked in.

does he do equal childcare and housework?

Then he is a controlling git.

Hard to give advice on this one and the obvious leap is LTB, but does he understand the responsibilities of being a parent - financial being one of them.

Tell him that when you split up he will have to hand over at least half of everything!

Does he hate his wife and family and is planning to leave?

That would at least explain it a bit.

All money doesn't need to be physically in one pot. You each put in a percentage of wage into bill account that covers all outgoings inc savings (I'd look at including a private pension for yourself op in those bills). So your both left with same spending money.

Surely all assets are shared, being a married couple? My husband earns 3 times what I earn, so the amount we pay is proportional to our income. We split food shopping/ takeaways/ fun extras equally, then mortgage, bills, clothes for child etc are contributed off of what we earn - my husband pays 3/4 and I a 1/4. Then we put what we can into savings, and aim to have roughly the same amount each of 'fun' money left and that's for us to spend on what we want to. In no way does it sound like you're taking advantage, he sounds very guarded and ungenerous! Is there a backstory where he's been in a vulnerable position with money before? It's always so odd when married men (yes it's usually men you hear about) become so proprietorial over their money to the detriment of their marriage and family!

The fairest way if he doesn't want one pot, is to add up the expenses, deduct that from the total income and then split whatever is remaining 50:50 between you so you both have equal spends.

I'd normally say to factor in joint savings, but with his attitude to money I think you'd be better off keeping the savings out of his reach.

Did he make marriage vows? Doesn't he understand the concept of a marriage?

Could he have gestated and birthed your children?

How can he be able to earn so much whilst being so dense????

The fact that he says you are taking advantage is actually repulsive. What are his redeeming qualities? they would have to be fucking epic for me to put up with an attitude like that.

Nothing wrong with keeping things separate. Despite what some posters say, it’s often recommended on threads

however, he earns 75% of the money, he pays 75% of the bills