Husband wife two kids- who pays for what?

[mumtoboys12]

Husband earns 3 times what wife earns. Wife earns 1600 a month.
Husband says I'm taking advantage of him and he's a cash cow as he pays most of the bills.
I pay for childcare and all food shopping.
I also did the same on maternity leave earning no money so from savings.
Husband pays mortgage and bills

Is this fair? Or am I taking advantage?

This

Sorted

She earns 1600, he earns 3x that so 4800. He’s left with 1500 so he must be paying 3300

All shared. By that I mean wife controlled pooling. I have lots of accounts and 1 is joint with husband, all his money is paid there. Then I move all the money to wherever, bills account etc. We both use whatever credit card I've decided to use at the mo for the offer, either can be main holder but mostly me for ease, with the other as named card holder.
Pay off in full every month or balance transfer / whatever is needed. I have some extra income that is not even through the year so need to play with accounts sometimes.

It’s totally unfair. We have joint account, it’s our account our money and bills etc come out of that. You’re a married couple, I’ve never understood separate accounts sorry but your husband sounds like an arse. I could not live together like that

This should all have been ironed out before the babies came along, but as you are now here, you do need a different way of doing things.

he earns more money, but you do more for the family. So you could charge him for the childcare and housework you do

Do you earn less because you have taken a part time role, would you be earning the same as him if you were full time and had not had the children?
He needs to understand the effect of childbearing and child care on your earnings.

I think families should pool all money in one pot and then equal personal spending, but make sure all child related costs come from the joint account.
a seriously higher earner could have more personal spends, but this is not really showing this person to be a member of the family

if you were not married my advice would be to go full time tomorrow and keep your savings close and very seperate, but you are married so will have a claim on the finances and assets of the family

An arse?
he’s earning 75% of the money but actually paying 77% of the bills. An arse?

I mean, he should pull his weight in other areas too, and that’s a separate discussion, but financially? I’m not seeing an arse here

Honestly I wish he would just put it all in one pot. He's been paying my car insurance for a couple of months and today asked me for the money for it as he's sick of paying for me. I said I'm a bit short because of Xmas etc and childcare has gone up and I haven't budgeted for that. And he's told me I'm mugging him off, taking advantage of him, called me a bitch and a see you next Tuesday and said if he knew marriage was like he wouldn't have signed up for it.

I agree with other posters in that if he is really hesitant to just have one family pot (which would be the best option), then second best option would be to have a system of:

His wage + your wage - bills = how much is left overall after ALL bills

Then divide that by 2 so you both have equal spending money.

The only way it “works” for you to be left with £600 and him £1.5k is if for example anything that you do as a couple or a family comes out of “his” not yours. I have a friend who works this way with her partner, they prefer to keep separate finances and he has more left after bills then she does but she doesn’t mind that because they are big socialisers so they most weekends go and spend £150 on a nice meal and then another £100 in the pub which he “pays” for. They prefer this to splitting the money initially and then if they go for a meal having to transfer one another for every meal out, cinema tickets etc. Personally that’s not how I would do it but it does work for them☺️

If the kids are yours and his together, then all money is family money.
Everything goes into a pot.
All bills are paid from the pot.
Saving into joint accounts comes from the pot.
All family/couple socialising comes from the pot.
All needs for work and personal hygiene comes from the pot.
Family/couple holidays come from the pot. (Even if it's the kids and one parent on holiday...that is an experience for the kids)

Then if you have a similar attitude to spending on social life and frivolities and holidays then you can trust each other to take that from the pot too.
If you have different attitudes to this then each adult should have the same social life money which they can spend or save as they see fit.

But I should be grateful as he pays for the roof over our head.

Divorced now but we had a joint account as soon as we got married. For a number of years, I was a SAHM. Husband never mentioned any unfairness at all. We were a team. Yes, he earned more money but I was working too by looking after the children and house.

Your DH sounds selfish and totally lacking in understanding about bringing up children, running a house - and being a team.

To be honest I’d be really having a good think about my relationship over those comments alone. Financial issues aside I honestly can’t imagine my husband ever even thinking of speaking to me like that that’s awful

Yep I’m reconsidering my comments. Financially I think it’s my bad, but speaking to you like that is a totally different issue

Add ALL the costs up and he pays 66pc and you pay 33pc. Our food bill is more than the mortgage for example. Only then will you know if someone is taking advantage

He's happy to leave his wife short instead of splitting disposable income equally.

If there's £2100 left after everything they should both get £1050. That's what a fair and equal marriage would look like financially.

LTB. Because he is a B for treating his family the way he does. Shocking.

I think this sums it up well. OP, what is it that attracts you to this man?

He calls you a cunt and a bitch OP?? Why are you with him?? He sounds bloody awful!

Divorce him.

I don't want to break up my family and ruin my children's lives.

I'd divorce him for that, I think he'll find he has to pay out a lot more ie half hid pension and savings as well as the house. On divorce it is 50 50 but possibly more to you as you earn less and are primary carer.

Sorry to moan. I'm just really tearful and don't know who else to vent to. I feel so sad and hurt by how he is treating me but he swears blind I'm lucky to have him and anyone else would be thrilled to have someone like him as a husband. I love him don't get me wrong but I'm just hurting now. Really deep down heart pain hurt.

If my husband ever called me a cunt, that would be the last thing he said to me as his wife.

He’s paying 77%

All in the one pot

DH is the sole earner here I'm a SAHM and we also get some benefits.

Everything into one account we both have full and equal access to. No disposable money allocated each but we will each buy our own things we want eg a new book etc out of that money we are both sensible, anything over around £40 we would check with the other first