Husband wife two kids- who pays for what?

[mumtoboys12]

Husband earns 3 times what wife earns. Wife earns 1600 a month.
Husband says I'm taking advantage of him and he's a cash cow as he pays most of the bills.
I pay for childcare and all food shopping.
I also did the same on maternity leave earning no money so from savings.
Husband pays mortgage and bills

Is this fair? Or am I taking advantage?

Your household income is about the same as ours (different split though). We put everything in the joint account and take out £500 a month each for our own spends. Anything that isn’t our own fun (going out, food that isn’t groceries, clothes etc) is paid for from the joint, including all bills and everything for the kids. In leaner times we might reduce the £500 but it would always be equal. Bonuses usually get split on 50% to savings, 25% to house account and 25% to own account but we vary it depending on how rich we’re feeling (2 in nursery and a tax bill so DH has had to sacrifice most of his bonus this year as will I!)

Anyway, all the above is unhelpful, even if it does answer your question, because it sounds like you’re married to someone who will never see your relationship as a partnership. So I’d be questioning that, rather than what others do.

You either do one pot or you calculate absolutely all the household expenses and he pays 3/4, you pay 1/4.

Any money left is your own.

In our house all money goes into a joint account and all bills come out of it. We then have our own identical amounts of personal money.

Have you added up all the bills? What's the total?

I agree with everyone I would love it all in the joint account
. For context
Mortgage 1500 and bills 800.
Then our own bills like phone etc
Childcare is 600
Food shopping 400ish
So I'm left with £600
He's left with around 1.5k

Does this sound unfair or fair?

And housework and chores I do most of them. He'll help if asked. He'll cook. But I have a lot on my shoulders I'm at breaking point anyway and now this.

This. What a cheek of him to say you are taking advantage of HIM! I'm sure you do the bulk of childcare and home stuff too. He should be paying 3x as much to everything.

Are you working full time?

You should both have the same personal money.

Totally unfair and you aren't even including all expenses eg Christmas and birthday presents, random requests from school, replacing clothes and shoes.

Am guessing you pay for all of that.

I earn 3 x my DH, we pool all
money and each take spends. Savings and spending decisions are joint. We’re a family and each bring our own strengths. He does more housework than me, but my job means I have to put in unpaid hours etc.

I'm part time and I also paid for Xmas presents for the kids apart from one game.

We split everything 50/50 - each have our own bank account which our salary is paid into and a joint account we pay into for all bills etc. Anything left over is ours. However, we earn basically the same.

Tell him if he wants you to fund half the household costs (Inc childcare etx) then he has to do half the housework/ kids stuff too as in order to do so, you'll need to go back to ft.

Unfair.

why does he have more than you?

I’m so sorry OP but you’re married a selfish twat with no respect for you or his children

how bloody dare he say “you’re taking advantage of him”. You’re the mother of his children!!!

What a prince among men.

We don't do pot but we do do proportionate.

You earn 1600, he earns 4800. That's enough a month that bright is you should be going short.

So add up everything and you should be paying approx 1/4.

So if the total is say £2400, you'd pay 600 leaving 1k and he'd pay 1800 leaving 3k. I'd then expect him to pick up most incidental spends.

However if the total comes to £4800 and your share is now 1200, leaving you with 400 but him with 1200 if eddy a bit more flex in your favour

We just had joint accounts and shared everything. Sometimes I was the highest earner and other times it was my partner. It was all family money.

If it isn't all just joint (and it's absolutely valid and fine to keep finances separate), then make a list of all outgoings and split the total proportionately. If he earns 3 times what you earn then you cover 25% and he covers 75% of your total household expenses.

He needs to pull his weight more at home. Is his expectation that you go full time? If so then he had to do half of childcare, cleaning, cooking, shopping, family admin etc etc.

But we have family money, like many other people on here.

Doesn’t sound awfully far off
you pay 1k a month, he pays 3300 a month.
that’s roughly in proportion. He’s left with more as he earns more so yeah maybe flex it a bit but it’s what most would recommend tbf

He's taking the piss

@Britpop123 he pays 2300 only though

He might shoulder more of the bills but OP shoulders more of the house and a child work. So that brings it back to equal imo.

What about pensions & savings? Are you both getting to pay into them fairly?