Husband wife two kids- who pays for what?

[mumtoboys12]

Husband earns 3 times what wife earns. Wife earns 1600 a month.
Husband says I'm taking advantage of him and he's a cash cow as he pays most of the bills.
I pay for childcare and all food shopping.
I also did the same on maternity leave earning no money so from savings.
Husband pays mortgage and bills

Is this fair? Or am I taking advantage?

The thing is OP we can all make as many comments as we like, but if you are not willing to leave, and he is not willing to share money, there’s actually nothing you can do. You are the only one with the power to change your situation, you can see from a lot of the replies here that in a family really there needs to be a joint pot. Your husband is not willing to do that.

So where you go from there is up to you. The only thing I would say from the other side of things as I have a friend in this position also, is that you need to keep cards close to your chest until you make a decision, because if he gets the idea that you are separating he all of sudden only has to pay CMS, which will be significantly less than he is currently paying x

I'm horrified that this was not discussed and agreed before marriage and children.

Regardless of who earns what we each have the same monthly personal spending money.
The rest is pooled to pay all bills/savings etc.
seems bonkers to say because i earn twice more than you i get twice the spending!!

Your dh is an absolute tt,sorry for the the language but if a man doesn't want to take on fincianal responsibility don't get your wet and don't get married.he has a responsibility tell him to act like it or get lost

He's treating you terribly.

He doesn't get to declare himself a good husband and make it so.

Can you access counseling? It sounds like he's gaslighting and abusing you- it might help to talk it through with a professional and get clarity about how you feel and what's ok/not ok.

I don’t disagree. It’s usually accepted that a split in proportion is fair, and that one ends up with a bit more left, but there’s an argument that it’s not quite right so he’s 400 up.

i think that’s not LTB territory on its own and can be discussed.

cleary there’s more going on though

Sorry just seen you work part time, why is that? He does seem to pay his fair share and if you are choosing to work part time then I get his point really. It's not his fault you have less left. If you are working part-time to help his career, school drops childcare etc then he should be making up the shortfall financially. If he won't then I would be going back to work full-time. The language is a worry tho.

This.

Joint finances needed - it’s not ‘his’ money

Your not moaning you are asking for advice it's the other way around he is lucky to have you,you gave him beautiful children and he is abusing you,you and dc will be much happier without him.

I'm @Doggymummar working part time so childcare is less(even though I work to pay the childcare.)

Exactly this!

Wants to have kids with you but doesn't want to share his money. What a dick 🙄

I earn what you earn, husband earns more (not 3x more). One pot of money and I spend what I like without it being questioned.

Your 'D'H is a nasty piece of work. 'Cash cow' indeed 😔

I earn more than DH and we each pay a percentage of the bills according to how much we bring in. I bring in more, so pay a bigger percentage of bills. That also means I have more than him left after bills as my personal money.

We don't have a joint account. He transfers his amount to me and I pay everything from there. We have different attitudes to money so it's much easier that we have our 'own' money to spend how we like.

I'm which case he needs to be paying for your time, otherwise I would go ft and screw what he says.

You may love him but it doesn't sound like he even likes you, let alone love you!

Surely you discussed how the finances would work before you got married/had kids?

Start billing him for his half of the childcare you're providing for his children!!

What an arsehole. He’s not a good person and the example he is setting for his sons is awful. He shows utter contempt for you. You deserve better. He won’t change.

Their lives will be worse being brought up by a man who is so tight that he sees pound signs before he sees his family.

No woman I know would be 'thrilled' to have a nasty, tight arse like him for a husband.

@mumtoboys12 , even you are doing yourself a disservice. You just said that you paid for all the DC Xmas presents and that is not on your list. How about clothes, shoes, haircuts, dental, glasses, clubs...?

You're not left with £600 every month, as it sounds like you don't have that now. I bet you are not building savings at £600, you are not listing all of your expenses. Your loss of earnings from being PT is an expense too.

Any father that makes his wife use savings while on ML, while he earns a full wage is an utter shit, without taking his current behaviour into account.

You both have 24 hours in a day. Your value as a person is equal. A distillery in earnings doesn't change that.
If you put in 60% ( or whatever) and so does he, you've contributed equally.
If he's wanting to weigh contributions by the quantity value then he's ignoring the reality of an unequal world.
He should have fallen in love and created children with someone whose salary would be in step lock with him all his life if he wanted to take this attitude.
In reality the one thing that's guaranteed is change. He could have a stroke tomorrow and be earning nothing, would he change his tune then?
You're life partners and both of you are people with a rich inner world and different strengths and weaknesses... If he wants life to boil down to pounds and pence he should have stayed single and childless.

I don't see anything wrong with the financial split but his name calling isn't acceptable.

Tell him loud and clear - other women would not want him as a DH. I’d run a mile from him. He is truly vile.

I’d tell him loud and clear that you’ll be taking half of what he has if it gets to divorce.

Meanwhile go back full time and stop doing anything that benefits only him eg his laundry. Just leave his to one side. Once the DC are st school hopefully you can use breakfast club and after school club.

Omg what a horrible, horrible thing for him to say.

He’s no fucking prize.

You’d be better off without him.

Your supporting the family, running the home and raising the kids is what enables him to earn that money, her isn't doing it alone.
Unless he thinks kids just appear and take care of themselves!!
If you thought like him you'd be billing him for all the domestic stuff you do which is preventing you from taking paid work!!!

This is totally twisted and he is totally unfair.

I am so sorry you are hurting op.

Seriously, the second my dh called me a bitch or a cu next Tuesday, I would be out of the door and the divorce papers would be on the kitchen table the next day. Go and see a solicitor. Your dc do not need a man like this in their life. He is no role model.