Husband wife two kids- who pays for what?

[mumtoboys12]

Husband earns 3 times what wife earns. Wife earns 1600 a month.
Husband says I'm taking advantage of him and he's a cash cow as he pays most of the bills.
I pay for childcare and all food shopping.
I also did the same on maternity leave earning no money so from savings.
Husband pays mortgage and bills

Is this fair? Or am I taking advantage?

He’s basically paying the bills he would if he lived alone (maybe a little higher) maybe not as his food is bought and paid for and cooked.
He is living like he has no kids .

Id leave take half the savings/house etc he is an idiot . It’s all half yours and he should have treated you and the kids better.

You're a team...deduct an equal amount of personal spending money...pool the rest..pay all outgoings and anything that's left present to him on a silver platter to shove up his arse 😉

We have the same scenario except my husband earns a little less than twice what I do. He is happy with the situation. Why wouldn’t he be?

I thought he was a bit of an ahole just reading about the money, but then when I read what he calls you, that is vile, he is vile and not a catch at all... he is lucky to have you! I hope he sees all this, women do not think he is a gift. Disgusting man. Please seek better, he can still be a great dad if he actually is, but you can have a great husband to take his place or be great on your own. Do not feel guilty, why on earth is he calling you a see you next tuesday?! How are you lucky to have him?

My thoughts exactly!

We have always had a joint account. We are a family unit, it does not matter who earns what. Why do men marry and have kids, if they moan how their so called money is spent.

You are married!! A family! No one should pay for one thing or another. Ours goes into one pot.

It sounds unfair.

it sounds unfair that you hold it up and he ‘helps’ to be honest.

i hope you’re ok x

I’m married, we have separate finances It suits us. Just because something works for you doesn’t mean it’s the best situation for everyone

I feel like it becomes a different situation when you have kids. Separate finances may work when it’s just the two of you, but are you going to be expected to manage on the pittance that is maternity pay for a year while your husband carries on as normal? And then who out of you is going to take the financial hit by going part time or finding a flexible job around childcare? In this situation even if you still split finances surely you’d do it proportionately to your wages?

It still works for us and we have 1 at the moment, but having twins so will soon be 3.

I think a big reason why it works for us is because we both continued to work FT after DS was born and I had a shorter maternity leave (by choice). This obviously meant that neither of us took a financial hit by going part time or changing jobs.

I get it works for you. But there are so many of these kinds of posts now. Where hubby is off on holiday and wife can’t afford to buy a simply tshirt. It’s ridiculous! It should not be based on what you earn. You are both contributing to the household and should be a team

This thread has been derailed at times over arguments over whether couples should pay everything into a joint accounts, keep separate accounts or a hybrid where bills are paid from a joint but both couples keep their own separate accounts too.

Different things work for different couples but however it's juggled there needs to be complete transparency around money and both partners in a family unit should have the same amount of disposable income.

I don’t think a man can be a “great dad” if he does not treat the child’s mother with respect and empathy.

Im glad hes stepping up for now. But i doubt it will last, hes taking advantage of you, you have scared him into stepping up and hes gaslighted you into thinking its still all
you, you still say you might if got him wrong,you have not. You have had years of abuse and hes ground you you down .’making you still pay while you were on maternity leave from having is children is disgusting, it meant to be a partnership no servant and the oh so respected
master. Respect goes both ways and he had none for you. Tell you you should be grateful for all he does for you? What about what you do for him. You work, care for the children. Do the shopping . House work. Thats much more of a contribution that he gives. You say he helps when asked. Its not helping . Its not your job. You are both equally responsible for all aspects of family life

Terrible thing to say! You're not taking advantage. Your finances are shared, even if they're not physically in the same pot. My husband earns a little more than me, but somehow I seem to pay the majority of our bills, just because I set a lot of them up, so I put in my account details. I also usually pay for the shopping, as I tend to do it. But he pays for fuel for our family car and drives me around; he pays for meals out and any 'fun' family stuff; he puts X amount into our 'savings' each month; if I ever run low, he'll transfer some over to help. We're a team.

Oh my goodness he is literally playing you! What a mean thing to say… his kids should come first above everything!!

Agreed or gone online to set up joint account?
Cut your hair there there dear

Little bits of crumbs
Do not be fooled

He is not a good dad if as a husband he didnt support you financially when you gave birth

However it is great if you do not have concerns about his parenting should you divorce

We don’t have a joint account but it works for us. My husband earns a six figure salary plus bonuses and I’m self employed but before I was I was part time earning about £25k. He pays for full mortgage, food and bills and pays heavily in to a pension. I spend my earnings on whatever I like! Plus I save lots and pay for holidays, trips away and stuff for kids. It works for us and sometimes I see these threads and think do I need a JA but then think I’d end up worse off and less for myself. Despite the huge gap in earnings I think I have more money than him per month but he’s not a spender so it doesn’t bother him. Sometimes I pay for meals and dates sometimes he does but we don’t keep track. I think the Main problem OP has is he sounds really mean and ungrateful of her and what she contributes. Split accounts can work but you can’t have one tracking the other and counting every penny, you’re a partnership

Great dads don't treat the mother of their children like shit.

He is absolutely not a great dad.

OP I'm genuinely concerned for your welfare, I see that after you have clearly shown some strength and realised your value he's then paid for your hair to be done - this is shameless love bombing, don't tolerate it.

I felt quite horrified reading your posts, and your husband is very wrong if he believes women would be envious of your marriage to him - it's clear from this thread we are not!

You and your children deserve better than this, a haircut and some faux apologies will not change that. If you are determined to stay with him then I would strongly recommend couples therapy - and he can pay for that too!!!

Don't allow him to degrade you anymore, you took a step back on your career to have HIS children - of course you don't earn as much as he does! It's a struggle all mothers have when we choose to put a family in front of a career and something men don't have to worry about but should appreciate. The best thing you can do for your family now is to be a good role model and don't allow them to grow up in a household that normalises your husband's abuse.

I was in a relationship that sounds a lot like yours before and I know how hard it can be to walk away, one of the pivotal points was when my son was witness to him speaking to me the way your husband has been. We've now moved on with our lives and I am in a very happy and loving relationship with a man who is my equal partner regardless of finances. The current situation is that he fully supports us all financially whilst I am studying for my masters, guilt free. He also does his fair share of housework, cooking, pet care, and helps with my son. That is what love looks like. And when I finish my masters I look forward to earning more and treating him as well as he has done me - but we both understand that I cannot progress financially unless he supports me now. Look into Domestic Abuse Intervention Training for yourself, it was recommended to me by a colleague and it helped me to walk away from my previous relationship and hold new partners to a higher and fairer standard.

Wishing you the best xxx

You’re married. You have a family, why are you still talking his and hers? It’s all the family’s money!

Probably be better off divorced. Or any seem that you can be worse off. He sounds like a financial abuser.

P

I’m not sure really, we both end up with about the same after bills money goes into the joint account but then he tends to pay for food shop most weeks as he doesn’t work on a Friday so takes DD after he’s dropped DS at school (we also do a big Costco for certain things, Iceland/muscle food to fill the freezer as and when required too) but then I’ll pay for a takeaway/meal out or day out with the kids etc and I tend to buy most of the kids clothes so it works out quite even.