Husband wife two kids- who pays for what?

[mumtoboys12]

Husband earns 3 times what wife earns. Wife earns 1600 a month.
Husband says I'm taking advantage of him and he's a cash cow as he pays most of the bills.
I pay for childcare and all food shopping.
I also did the same on maternity leave earning no money so from savings.
Husband pays mortgage and bills

Is this fair? Or am I taking advantage?

DH and I pay half each for everything but we earn roughly the same amount. If one of us earned less we'd pool our earnings and share. Your DH needs to learn to share with his wife and DC. Work out exactly what he pays per month and what you pay add together and work out what 3/4 and 1/4 will be and pay accordingly.

The biggest problem is the names that he's called you. I would find it difficult to get past that. I hope he finds it himself for a total apology. (even then I'd take a while to rebuild trust)

The rest... well it almost makes me grateful that DH and I have always needed every penny of our joint earnings to pay all the bills, certainly stops there being any different philosophies about how to split it. Joking aside the person of the two of us who earns the most has often changed too.

How on earth can he think that not paying for the kids Christmas presents is in any way acceptable

you need to speak to him about what you think of getting them for gifts and share the cost.

If he doesn’t buck his ideas up you can take the house, have him pay for it until the kids are grown and he only gets every other weekend and a day in the week

splitting up from a man who thinks he’s entitled to call the mother of his children a cunt and a bitch is not ruining their lives. Staying with a man like this would ruin their lives as they’ll grow up thinking that this is what their relationships should be like

We have similar earnings to you as in my DH earns a out 4x what I do.
We both just throw it all in the joint account which everything comes out of.
My DH has never ever said anything bad about what I get paid. He is just always surprised how little I am paid for my qualifications and skills ( good old NHS ).

You do not have a good husband, in marriage it's team work.

Why do you love someone who is financially abusing you? Does he pull his weight around the house - cooking, cleaning, laundry etc, take the children to buy school shoes, dental appointments?

We pool all our earnings. Husband earns more than me. He would never say that he was being treated as a ‘cash cow’. He sounds like a bit of a knob.

You are married
Ridiculous to be on your knees
Go to solicitor and find out what you would get on divorce including his pension

Very unfair. Paying your own mobile bills is reasonable as one might want more than the other.

OP, nobody wants to break up a family, but this man is calling you names and accusing you of taking advantage of him. He doesn't want to pay for his children, or for his wife to stay home and look after them.

This is not a nice man. He sees his money as his and not as family money. He is correct in saying that he should not have got married, as clearly he does not want to pay for or be part of, a family.

I would normally suggest that you sit down together and look at all finances, but this man has called you horrific names, his own wife. Do you honestly want to remain married to that for the rest of your life?

The situation will only get worse and you will have less and less money and he will have more and more.

A man who doesn't want to pay for his family and who calls his wife names, is not a husband worth having.

DH and I have separate finances but we each pay 50/50 of all joint bills such as mortgage, nursery fees etc. I'm the higher earner but not as much as 3 times.

So you're comfortable having more disposable income than your husband? Why?

You are not doing your boys any favours by allowing them to grow up in this toxic household where their father treats their mother like shit.

Do you want them to end up like him? Because they will with him as their role model.

You deserve better and so do they.

Everything in one pot. I wouldn't have it any other way, as I actually like my other half. I'm the higher earner by far.

Oh for fucks fucking sake, I am so fed up of stupid comments like this.

You don't have a family because your husband and their father is a COMPLETE CUNT. Your family is already broken because your husband and their father is a misogynistic, abusive horror. Their lives are ruined BECAUSE you stay with him.

That is what is ruining their lives. You are ruining it because you are modelling to them that abusive is ok, that's that how men should treat women.

Their lives are being ruined because they have no fucking clue about respect and will go on to make disastrous relationship choices because nobody showed them what was right.

Your husband is manipulative and abusive.

None of us would have him.

Vile, repugnant man.

Your marriage is over. Seeing their mother stay with a man who treats her like this will ruin their lives. Separating, divorcing, and raising them with respect and happiness will MAKE their lives. You cannot stay with this vile man. At some point, your children will overhear him call their mother a cunt. Believe me, separating from him will NOT ruin your children's lives.

No wonder your upset, your running yourself ragged and have little left for yourself each month.
Are you scared of voicing your opinion to him
because it may get to an argument ?

you really need this chat with him as he’s walking all over you.
you bearly have nothing at the end of the month and he has £££
You do the majority
3 days work
2 days childcare
cook,clean,ironing,shopping,!!

Tell him
your getting a cleaner
having food delivered
lady to do the ironing
you both each cook 3 nights one week 4 night following week

He pays for the
cleaner, ironing
because your going back to work full time like him because it’s EASIER than doing
childcare
ironing
cleaner
shopping
cooking
Then YOU too will have money like HIM left each mth , so you won’t be asking him to pay your
insurance when your short after buying
THE XMAS PRESENTS

do it , stand up for yourself or it will alway be the same year in year out and eat you up

You needed to know this before you had kids and marry someone nicer sadly. I'd start getting your ducks in a row - is this marriage going to last?

Start by charging him for your nanny services at the going rate.

You are not getting too much from this relationship OP.

It's not fair because you're not getting ENOUGH!

It did take several conversations, but now we pool our money jointly and we're each assigned the same amount of 'fun' money.

Not pro-rata, THE SAME. I reduced my hours slightly, which we jointly agreed; my husband was welcome to swap, but chose not to because 'it would damage his career', go figure!

Why should I be financially penalised on top of the career damage and lower pension contributions, when I was saving us £70 a day in childcare fees? (Which, because I did 4 long days, was more than I would have earned after deductions by increasing my hours to five standard days anyway, so it was sensible on that front too).

Once you have children, I think this is the only fair way to do things. You're not part time for leisure time, you're looking after your joint children, and (at least in my case) it's often harder than going to work!

I’m guessing you won’t be called abusive for having more left over…

We're married. We don't have personal money, we trust each other to buy clothes, gifts etc out of the family money. I will never earn as much as dh, it's all shared. You don't have a money problem, you have a 'd' h problem who doesn't understand marriage.

There are different ways of doing things, but regardless there needs to be openness about finances, respect and acknowledgement of what you both contribute (financially and practically).

If he won’t pool the money (bet he would if you were earning 3 x as much as him) then you should both put a proportion of your salary info a joint account that pays for all the bills. You 1/3 and him 2/3.

Because he works FT for the same company as I do. I earn more because I'm at a slightly higher level than him. If he wants to earn more, he can but he doesn't want to which is fine, it just means I have more disposable income.

There is nothing to love and if other women knew what he was really like they wouldn't have him on a plate.

Feel free to throw him back and let him find out.

Seriously, ducks in a row time.

Find a solicitor and see where you stand

What's your housing situation?