Do we keep quiet about child trust fund?

[AuntieSoap]

DD’s child trust fund matures shortly and I’ve been paying into it every month for 18 years. I split with her dad (exH) in 2015 but even when we were married, it was only me that paid in. ExH is really stingy, earns well into six figures but only pays the bare minimum maintenance and thinks I’m ripping him off in the process.

The CTF is now worth about £16k and so my plan was always to say that’s her parental contribution for university. She’ll only get the minimum loan as my salary is over the threshold, but I’m a single parent with two kids, a hefty mortgage and commuting costs etc so don’t have loads of spare cash. I’m fine, not crying poverty, just giving the full picture.

ExH knows that’s DD has a child trust fund but doesn’t know how much it is. Ideally, he would contribute half of DD’s university parental contribution to make it up to the equivalent of maximum loan. However, if he knows that DD is coming into this money, the likelihood is he won’t help her financially. If he was to pay ‘his share’, some of the CTF money could go towards a lifetime ISA or travelling, or anything really. It’s DD’s money and technically, she can do what she wants with it.

Anyway, I don’t want DD to lie, or put her in a difficult position, but it’s not her dad’s business how much she’s got in the bank. Am I being unreasonable to encourage DD to keep schtum about this, or is that a burden too great for an 18-year old? I suspect it is, so any ideas on how to play this are gratefully received.

Surely maintenance from a six figure salary isn’t bare minimum!
But doesn’t that stop now she’s 18anyway .

When my son went to unI I had to provide my financial info - but as a single parent there was no requirement for his dad to provide that info . The loan contribution was based purely on my income .
As far as I’m aware you can’t make the dad pay anything once the child is over 18 and at uni so if he chooses not to then there’s nothing you can do

There's no way I would suggest that money could be used for travelling. Yes, travelling is a fantastic experience, but I think the person going travelling should save up for it.

I wouldn't even mention it to your ex but if he said anything about it I'd say, "Yes, I paid into it all her life so that she could put it towards a house deposit." You didn't save up that money so that he could pay less on uni rent.

"Surely maintenance from a six figure salary isn’t bare minimum!"

He pays £500 per month, that's for both kids. So it's the bare minimum for him, yes.

Sure, I've saved enough for DD to get through Uni. It's just irksome that it's been all me and not him.

Can’t you put the fund into an ISA that matures when she’s 25?
That way she could use the money for a postgrad course or a flat deposit.
The dad should contribute towards Uni fees but legally I don’t think it’s obligatory.

Are you going through the correct channels. My exh earns a six figure salary (lower end) and has to pay me nearly triple what you get. This was all done through the csa. Check he is not underpaying x

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · Today 12:59

"Can’t you put the fund into an ISA that matures when she’s 25?
That way she could use the money for a postgrad course or a flat deposit."

I love this suggestion. Yes it's brilliant, and she'll really need it for a first home.

Thank you, that's a good shout. As PP has pointed out he's under no obligation to help with Uni costs as she doesn't live with him, but morally, he really should, in my opinion.

Hang on, you're not getting enough, are you? Does he have other children to pay for? Use this calculator to work out how much you're actually entitled to, even if you don't have much longer to go.

Calculate your child maintenance - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Hurry up of you are investing.. Ds got his letter a good few weeks before his 18th with what happens etc...

I could do, and I'd like to do that. Or the Lifetime ISA is another good option for a house deposit. But if he doesn't agree to help with Uni costs, I will struggle to fully support her financially, especially as the child maintenance he pays will have ended, so I'll ideally need to hold at least some of that CTF money back.

I'm afraid so. He has engineered it so he has DS 50/50 so pays nothing for him and he's not considered in CMS calculation. DD is with me slightly more, so the maintenance is just for her.

Thanks, she's 18 in two months. I'm expecting the letter in the next few weeks.

Just tell her the trust fund is just between you and her. Dad doesn't need to know, I expect by now she knows he doesn't contribute a lot and is likely to contribute less if he knows she has a bit of a nest egg. Scrounging friends don't need to know either, surprising how many 'friends' you have if you have a bit of cash.

There seem to be a few posters imagining that parents can determine what happens to the money - this is not correct, the offspring is granted 100% control at 18 (as the OP correctly states), so if they wish to withdraw the lot and spend it on fripperies they are perfectly free to do so and you can't stop them - although you can offer advice and guidance of course.

I'm fairly sure that DD will follow my guidance. She doesn't know how much is coming but is aware that there is an amount, and we've had initial chats about it. She is keen to be responsible.

Was just about to post this- parents could chose which provider the trust fund was with and could add to it but have no right to withdraw/move the money out of it (even if they’ve paid in the vast majority of the cash). My DD did just transfer hers into an ISA but knows its there should she need it during her time at uni.

Hopefully your ex will see fit to help support your DD during her time at uni OP but it might be wise for your DD not to let on how much you’ve saved for her.

He still needs to pay her maintenance until 21 or 22 can't remember exactly if on full time education so she should still get £850 a month

I suggest daughter has a chat with dad on how much he could contribute, and let them work it out between them.

Was totally coming on here to say the same! When my husband died, I didn't want my two younger kids to even know they'd been left money, let alone how much, but my son turned 18 four months later, so I had no choice.

That seems completely fair then.

I would lie my socks off in this situation. YANBU OP.

Don't let her fritter it on living costs while at unit that would be a travesty.

Put it in a lifetime isa so she can use it for a house or flat deposit when she finishes her degree.

She needs to speak to her dad herself about what he can contribute for uni costs. She can also get herself a part time job which will benefit her in more ways than just finances!

If you can, don’t spend more than absolutely necessary in uni.
kids who have lots of maintenance at uni usually end up frazzling it away. Not necessary on drink/drugs but stuff like too many eating out, more expensive housing choices. These are unnecessary and it is a life lesson for them to have to really watch the pennies at uni- also encourages them to save themselves with summer jobs etc.

money will be needed when they start work. A deposit for flat and first months rental before salary comes in. Possibly needing a car, or an expensive public transport ticket. Work clothes. Etc etc . We found it really expensive to support them for that transisition, but luckily they also had savings to be able to have choices over which job to take, where to live etc.

Have a look at putting into an ISA anyway to go over next 3-4 years while she studies, but think carefully about lifetime ISA, in London, if she ends up there after graduating, it’ll be years before she can afford a deposit, and there loads of people facing “fees” due to deposits needing to be bigger than the allowance- a right old mess. Read Martin Lewis on this. There’s time to do that later .

your ex should be contributing at same level as you, making up the amount needed equally. We found it best to sit down with DCs and come up with budget each year of how much maintenance they actually needed based on rents, food, bills, phone, and a sensible , albeit tight entertainment type budget. We allowed like bottle of wine or 4 beers a week- anything after that they needed to get a job! They were already pretty versed in budgeting, as we’d be paying a monthly allowance for most of their personal costs from 16, including clothes, phone, entertainment etc. once you know how much she needs, what grant she will get, then the rest should be split between you. Also bear in mind you’ll be making saving in your current budget from money you’re spending on her anyway- clothes, phones, food etc you’ve already been covering for years. It’s mainly rent and bills that is additional. Btw they do NOT need a car - no student does.

You have no control over that money once she’s 18. Only she can withdraw it.

I suspect most parents think their children will be responsible and use the money in a sensible way, but even the most level headed person can do daft things when given a huge sum of money.